He had it coming...

So I'm sitting here listening to the Cell Block Tango on my sister's Chicago soundtrack. It's such an awesome song. It's the ultimate in girlish revenge.

So I had play practice tonight. We managed to get through the whole thing, although it looked like complete and total crap. Even our director said so....which is a bad sign. If we loose on our own stage I'll be mortified. But even though it stunk...I had a lot of fun. I got to see some people I haven't seen in forever...Carolyn, Ryan, Amanda, Hondo. It was happy. As I get older, I now realize that how happy a time Christmas is. As my friends slowly leave for college and other things Christmas marks a time of togetherness and joy. I like my friends being together with eachother again. :)

Together at Last, Em

The Joy of Life.

I've been pondering the looming New Year. And, of course, you know what that means, New Years Resolutions! And so my big resolution this year is...Learn to love life. I want to enjoy every waking moment of the year 2005. I want to take every chance I can. Do things wild and crazy. I want to stop worrying about the future, and all that I have to accomplish tomorrow. And learn to live in the moment. I don't want to worry about the consequences or the far-reaching effects on the atmosphere. I want to love that day, that hour, that minute, and that very second. Just to cut loose from all the chains that bind me to insecurity. For I've come to the conclusion that freedom isn't a place...It's a state of mind.

I'm still waiting for you to be the one I'm waiting for, Em

The greatest gifts of all...

It's Christmas Eve. And dare I say it's been the most wonderful Christmas Eve in recent memory.
I know that it 's a cliched thing of me to say, but the best gifts of all really don't come in packages. Not to say that I didn't love the gifts I got in boxes: the cucumber melon stuff from my bro, the pink candles from little sis, and the CD and coffee maker from my folks. (mmmm...coffee.) But the most awesome gifts I got today weren't wrapped up in cheesy paper and scotch tape.
Awesome gift #1: My dearest friend Leah is home. I saw her at a distance, ran up to her, and mauled her with a giant "I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever-I-missed-you-like-crazy-I'm-so-glad-you're-home" hug. She is as animated and fun as she was when she moved two monthes ago. She was happy to see me, but not as happy as I was to see her. We laughed, we joked, we dove into the snow, and just enjoyed the fact that we are together again. Good gal-pals are hard to come by...and Leah is one of the greatest.
Awesome gift #2: This awesome gift came in the form of a conversation I had with a friend of mine. I've been a bit down lately about my lack of a signifigant other. And we got on the topic of this gorgeous guy I met yesterday. He, my friend that is, told me not to fall for that one. When I pressed him for details as to why he said that I needed a guy who he wouldn't have to worry about me with. He gave me a speech about the pitfalls of highschool dating and how I shouldn't rush love. He said that most of his highschool relationships haven't left him better off than he was before. I found not only his advice to be very wise, but his concern genuine. I don't know many guys who would have said that kinda thing to me. And I somehow felt...less lonely for a beau.
Awesome gift # 3: We held a Christmas Eve service at my church tonight. I read the Christmas story from Luke to the congregation. And as many times as I have heard that story it struck me rather poinently tonight. The smiling faces of the people and the infectious excitement of my youth pastor filled my heart with joy. How a young woman, probably only 14 or 15 years old, carried the Son of God. It's beyond amazing.
Greatest Gift of All: My Jesus came to this earth thosands of years ago and died for me.


Merry Christmas! Em

Oh brave new world that has such people in it!

Good Evening world. The title of my blog is from the Shakespere play The Tempest. It accuratly describes how I'm feeling at the moment. People are an interest of mine. So I thought I would include a statment about some lovely people who I know and any insights I have discovered about them.

Cierra- She's a crazy exciting girl and is the only one who can make her older sister fashion conscience.

Alyssa- Her wisdom astounds me at times and I discover a new similarity between us each day. I hope I can be like her someday.

Lauren- Is beyond fun. I feel so much happier around her. She's like my matching puzzle piece. The gal pal who makes me feel confident.

Ryan- What can I say about Ryan? He's my drama buddy to my dying day. He makes me question my point of view and wish to take life by the horns...so to speak.

Leah- She's so much like me it's frightening at times. She understand what I'm saying before a sound leaves my mouth. It's creepy awesome.

James- He makes me laugh. It's been a long time since I've met some one who can match my sarcasm...I enjoy the challenge.

Tyler- He's an awesome guy. I love his confidence and his sense of self. He's totally a man after God's own heart.

Eric- Is wise beyond his years. I've known Eric since I was a little tyke. He never fails to find the humor in life.

Mike- Although I doubt that I will ever see Michael again..or that he ever wants to see me again. His presence has shaped my life (and my political views) in ways he will never know.

So those are my people observations for the time being. It's funny when you think about the people in your life and really ask yourself "How has this person impacted my life?" Because, when you think about it, who you are is a mixture of who those around you are. It's the people around you who shape you into you.

-Em

Busy-Busy-Busy!

Hello all. It is now nine days until X-mas and I have barely even started shopping. My goal is to start and finish all my shopping this weekend.

Yesterday was the deadline for our school newspaper to be ready for press. Once again, most of genius classmates didn't get the work done on time...and well, our teacher whispered to me in hushed tones how angry she was. She ranted and raved, threatened students with failing grades and then breathed down their necks as they finished their pages. Then she had me, and a couple of other people, assemble a fun page that nobody had done. It turned out quite funny.

English is being a pain in the bum. I have a major research paper due after x-mas break, and I've barely even gotten started. My teacher was mocking me the other day about never have gone to the principal's office. He told me my education was not complete. whatever.

I must depart, another day another dollar, Em

Like a movie where the hero dies...

Hindsight is always 20/20...or so they say. And sometimes life doesn't turn out the way it should. I had one of those moments tonight. One of those moments where you can't help but wonder how things might be now if you had acted differently. Did the Jews ever wonder what life would be like if Hitler had never come to power? Did Adam ever kick himself for eating that fruit?

I wish I could go back to what once was. Knowing what I know now I would make a very different choice. It's like some awful movie where the hero dies and the bad guy wins. It just shouldn't be like this. Is it too late to fix that mistake? Yes. It sure is.

Great Pending Embarassment...

Thanks Ry, for the the swoon.com link. I looked up my dream, and according to the dream interpretator I will have something horribly embarassing happen to me. Greaaaaat.

I'm so sleepy right now. I baby sat this evening for a little fellow named Charlie. He was 19 months old, with big blue eyes and blonde curls. He played with his toys, watched Frosty the Snowman, and ate a banana. I wondered what it would be like to have a wee one. He was so sweet. Though I have this nagging feeling that I shall never marry...thus the kid thing is out of the question. I don't wish for a boyfriend anymore. When I see couples together it just seems like watching something I will never have. Like watching people who play tennis well. Now, I can't play tennis, I can barely hold a racket, so I know I will never be a Wimbledon champion. I'm not upset by that fact, I just know I won't. It's the same way with romance, I know I won't ever have that. I'm not upset. That's just the way it is.

-Em

Nightmare or prophetic dream?

I had a really strange dream last night. Something horrible had happened to somebody who was close to me. I believe they died, but the details of that part of the dream were rather fuzzy. Well, somehow this person's (I shall call him Harvey) death was linked to some terrorist conspiracy. I was sitting in English class and my teacher was rambling about how we would need to prepare for this forthcoming disaster. I looked up from my desk toward the ceiling and saw a black and white mouse crawling around on the ceiling. The mouse promptly fell from the ceiling and on to me, and then landed on my desktop. I shrieked. Then all the kids in my class: the jock, the flirt, the dummy, the musician, the teen mommy, the girl who talks about nothing, and the bitter cynincal Senior, all jumped up and started screaming with me as the mouse ran across the floor of the classroom. And then I woke up.

Does anyone out there think this dream means something? Like some great tragedy will happen to my class? And we will all have to face it together? Or did I just drink too much orange juice before I went to bed?

Food for thought- Em

Does this glue stick smell like peanut butter to you too?

My blog title is a quote from the guy in my mass comm. class at school. He also proclaimed today and I quote, "I'm a friggin' genius!" Yeah, somebody please tell me that college is better than this?
I just want to live how I want to, I'm so sick of being told what to do. Do this. Don't do that. Not like that. I'm 17 years old! I'm gonna be outta this town in a year, if I can't figure how I want to live my now I may never. Attention world: I'm sorry I not what you want me to be. I like me. If I wanted to be you, I would. This is my independence cry. Sorry world, I don't give a crap what you think.

I don't care anymore, Em

And all is right with the world again...ha, kinda.

Mi amiga has returned...and all is right with the world again. Well, no, not completely. But I feel a lot better. She seemed so normal, I thought she would be so different. It's was comforting to find that nothing has changed between us. It was like nothing had changed at all, like this past week never really exsisted. Yay, for paralell universes.

I watched a companion of mine try to broach a rather awkward topic with me. It was almost comical. I knew exactly what he was trying to say, and I probably knew more about the situation than he did. But I played stupid so that I could watch him squim in the awkwardness of it all. Tell me, is that a sadistic thing of me to do? *Shrug.* Once he maganged to spit it out I assured him I completely understood...and offered my solution to the problem. He said that was his solution as well, but the powers at be wish it otherwise. Blah on the powers at be.

The right side of the brain looks at the left side of the brain and says, "It's dark in here and we may die."
-Senorita Emily

*eyelid droops* yes, just one eyelid.

So I worked last night. It was long and boring. And I, somehow, managed to, once again, to burn myself on the steam table. That was...not fun. It was also the night of the hopsital X-mas party so my boss came in a gave us concilitory gifts for working that night. A mug with the hospital logo on it and a giant killer poinsetta. Strange, I know. "Sorry you have to slave away while the rest of us party the night away. Here, take this giant ugly flowering plant. Merry Christmas!"

I saw a fellow I haven't seen in ages today. My youth pastor's older brother. I met him while working on renovating my youth pastor's house. He a jolly fun guy. I forgot how much he made me laugh. He recently got married and he and his adorable wife were in town visiting. This from the man who once told me he had all his romantic bones surgically removed. :P What a softie.

We're discussing mental illness and depression at youth group tonight. I really don't want to. I know he only means to help the situation. But to me it feels like scratching off a wound that finally started to heal over. And making it bleed again. And some people just don't understand. Come home mi amiga. I miss you like crazy.

Emily

Long time...No blog.

Sorry to all my quote "adoring fans" for not posting. I've been so insanely busy....however Ryan's guilt trip got to me. Life has been twisted; molded into a shape that shouldn't be.

I despise gossip. Gossipy people, people who pretend to be concerned to gain a chuck of juicy gossip, talking about other people behind their back, and those fools who can't seem to figure out when certain things just aren't any of their business!!!!!! Agh! Ahhhh... that felt good. I needed to vent. Don't ask me why I needed to vent, because I won't tell you. I don't gossip.

Due to circumtances beyond anyone's control, coupled with some very unfortunate timing. I will be directing some practices of our One Act play next week. And I'm petrified. I worry that nobody will listen to me, that the cast, especially certain people, will try and take over leadership from me. And I just want Mrs. Sallberg to cancel our surgery and stay to manage the brat pack. My affectionate term for the younger members of the cast. :) Natalie Novacek, if you're out there, come home, this is an emergency.

So, I have my first 2005 graduation planning meeting on Monday at 8:30 in the morning. (IN THE MORNING!?) Me, and my amigos Scot and Aaron will make up the graduating class of Roseau homeschoolers. Personally, I think it's going to be a lot of decisions that I hate making. What color napkins should we have? How many songs should we sing? Regular coffee of decaf? Or both!? Ahhh! I just want to get ready and graduate...and go to college. This doesn't need to be a big deal...at least I hope it doesn't.

Waiting for X-mas, Emily