Some thoughts on God, Idealism, and Faith.

Today, my dear little sister Cierra graduated from high school. Needless to say, I am quite proud of her for surviving high school. She and nine other homeschoolers held a ceremony at a local church. It was a nice ceremony, and as all the graduates were standing on the platform I couldn't help thinking how young they seemed. I realize that sounds odd considering that I myself graduated high school two years ago. But it's true, they all seemed so young and idealistic. Their speeches, songs, and words smacked of idealism.

And that's where the ceremony got difficult for me. A part of me scoffed inside, "just you wait. You'll find out that life outside of high school isn't as charming you all imagine." I felt like a horrible cynic thinking that. It's just that even in the two short years I have been out of high school my thoughts about the world have changed significantly, as have my thoughts about God.

My perspective of faith, Christianity, and God has been altered drastically since I graduated. Mostly it has been marked by questioning what I thought to be true growing up. What does God really say about "submissive wives? Is God really pleased with the North American church? Is God really concerned with my personal comfort? These are just some of the questions that I have been wrestling with. I sometimes ponder what it would be like to meet myself when I was 16: with all the confidence, idealism, and naive perspective I see so clearly in my old journal entries. Now, I probably would write myself of as unaware. I struggle with the idea of my faith not looking the same as it did when I was 16. It was so idealistic, so sheltered...so...beautiful.

My faith seems rather ugly at times. I'm far less certain of what I think and feel about aspects of Christianity. I don't agree with everything my church teaches. I don't like sitting in comfortable chairs in church and listening to a 7 member worship team. My faith feels like a dandelion in field of daisies. Mine doesn't seem to fit in the field so well anymore. Out of place with the faith of others. I'm not sure what to do with all these thoughts, but I am certain that God would not allow me to question all this if he didn't have the answer. Maybe He likes my dandelion.

Jesus Camp.

I was introduced to this film this year at Providence. It's a documentary about...well...just watch the trailer. Thoughts?