Summer has officially arrived...

Hello Blog. I'm sorry I haven't written in so long. But I'm back...ta-da

I've now been in the world of blogging for one year. I looked back over my posts and it's been an exciting year. One of triumphs and regrets. blah, blah, blah.

I'm now a High School graduate! It's so wonderful to be done with school. I had my party and ceremony on Saturday. It' went quite well. I had fun, but I got blisters from the shoes of satan that my sister insisted I wear, and cheek cramps from smiling at people I haven't seen since 3rd grade. But I enjoyed graduating...and sleeping in.

I went to Warroad last night. I love that town. So many nice people in that town. My sister's posse is full of such nice boys. All boys....she's got skills. Feminine mystique. :)

I guess I'm going to a party tonight. So I'll get to see a bunch of my favorite people from bible camp. I'm very exicted.

But I need to go do some laundry- Em

Fathers, be good to your daughters...

Hello All.

So tonight was my last youth group of High School. It was really sad. They had a prayer time for all us seniors. It was fun...but hard to say goodbye. Afterward, one of the little Jr. High s came up to me and hugged me and told me how much she's gonna miss me. I can't believe I really have to grow up. Wow, the world is now my destiny. I'm gonna go out there and start hood. I feel so small. So not ready for hood...but I wanna try. I want to grow up, get married, have some kids and love life.

Which brings me to my next conclusion. My youth pastor's wife had his baby. The most adorable angel of a child I have ever seen. Eden Kaziah. She's perfect...me and Leah Lou snuck into the hospital to see her. She's sooooo perfect. And when I held that tiny, warm, soft baby, I knew...that was it. I can kid myself all I want. I can say I don't want it, but I wanna be a mom. That's all. I don't wanna be a writer or a teacher or an actress. I wanna be a mom. I wanna hold my own little angel in my arms. I want my mom to sit beside me and teach me about caring for a newborn. I want a nice guy to tell me I'm a great mom and hold our little . That's all I want. A baby. My baby. And someday...someday, I'm gonna have that. I know it.

-Em

Old Poem

And I can't forget you
Or maybe it's that I won't forget you
As hard I try
I still see you
Still hear your voice
Still sit by the phone waiting for you to call
I still talk about you as if you were mine
Then someone asks "Are you back together?"
And I remember all over again
"No, were still broken up."
But you're still you
And I'm still me
Still you're wonderful
And, I, silly little foolish thing that I am
Still love you

I hate snow.

I came to a conclusion today. And I felt you all would be thrilled to bits and pieces if I shared it with you.

First off, I'm an idealist. Many people over the years have told me that. I see things how I know they should be. What is fair and good. And I tend to get upset when they don't turn out that way. I'm definately a happy ending kind of girl. Every story I wrote for my Creative Writing class had a happy ending. I'm sickening that way.

But today, something happened that was less than my ideal. I had, in my mind, how I knew the situation should turn out. Or at least how I wanted it to. But the situation took a rather cruel and ironic turn. And I had to just let go of my ideal and watch the event unfold.

Now, at first I was really upset about this. It wasn't fair! This wasn't how it was supposed to work out! But then it occured to me that some of lifes greatest joys come out of things that "weren't supposed to be that way" Like a girl gets pregnant in high school...it really stinks...but a new and wonderful life comes out of it. Or a school shooting occurs, yes, it's terrible and tragic, but things change in our schools to keep such events from happening again. Life isn't fair, I know, but I think something good just might come out of this crappy happening right now. And if it doesn't...I'll eat a pound of chocolates. :D

=Em

Life is funny...

Oh my! It's been ages since I have been on blogger! But I have returned for a brief update on my life...as much as I doubt that anyone reads this.

Life is funny. And I don't mean funny in a ha-ha way, (hehe,funny? ;)) I mean funny in an ironic way. Like when you meet somebody briefly and think that moment will have no consequence on you life, only to discover later that later that person would change everything for you. Or when you completely write somebody off with a label, you know, jock, jerk, loser, only to later find out how wrong you were. Sometimes these little moments make you laugh...and other times they make you bury your face in a pillow and cry until you can wring out your pillow. Wow, life is funny.

-Em

Help me Rhonda...Help help me Rhonda.

Hullo All. Well, it's officially Easter break here in Roseau. I have no school for 4 glorious days! However, I do have the mother of all media projects coming up shortly in Mass Communications class. So I have to do some taping and I have a speech due when I get back. But I think I can just wing that...or I hope I can.

My friends are coming home from college for Easter! YAY! Eric, Ty, and Ryan are all coming home.Hopefully, I'll get to see them. I suppose next year it will be coming home to see friends and family. Crazy. At least, I hope it will. For the record, the college application/payment/major choice process bites monkeys.

I hate it with a burning passion. I confess that my dream college would be Northwestern to get my communications or elementary education degree. The problem? I'm about 25,000 dollars short of cost of tuition. Gah. My parents would love me to work full time for year before college or commute to the local community college. I would rather pull out my toenails with a rusty pliers. I want to be like everyone else and go away to college right out of highschool and a college I want to go to. Which means I need a full-time job this summer. Somewhere where I won't kill myslef or the other employees. But I have things that are very important for me to do this summer. Church stuff and some volunteer work. Ugh, I just don't knowwhat to do. I'm poor and I want an education.

I envy those have parents who can pay for their schooling. Gosh, I can't imagine what it would be like to just pick any school you wanted. Ah, to be so lucky!

Now don't think my life is terrible, things are going fairly well. Life always has it little hicups. But I really believe that it's all gonna work out in the end, somehow.

I love to laugh so hard I cry, Em

Oofda.

Oh, my dear sweet blog, please forgive my absense! I'm back to fill you with thoughts, feelings, and insights! So...yeah.

Wow, so much to say! Today was our last speech meet of the regular season. We have sub-sections in 2 weeks. Scary. It was good meet. We went to Oklee...it smells funny in the school. The rams took first place. Yay. I, myself, took a first and a second. Grrr. Andy Swenson, I'll get you yet. It's a good thing that Andy a nice guy...and warm. ;)

The happiest part of the meet was I got to see my lovely Lauren! I haven't seen her since Christmas and she came to watch the meet. Yayness. She's wonderful, of course, and seems very happy. :)

I came to an odd realization this week. We all grow up so fast. Events this week have caused me to think "wow, when did that happen? Wasn't she in elementary school last week?" And you just don't notice those kind of things until that odd moment of realization. Too busy, I guess. But it's true. Somewhere in all the rush and hurry and day-to-day activities we grow older. Time waits for no man, and it certainly doesn't wait for my comfort level.

My catholic hut is now shared by Kari and Laura. If you don't understand, don't ask. I heart Kari and Laura. We played "big booty" on the bus ride home today. I think the bus driver wanted to kill us. Ha. So Life is good, friends are great, and I wanna go to my little London flat.

* He loves her definately..maybe. *

-Em

Mmmm...obsene amounts of medication.

Greetings m'dear Olivia. Time for another update on my reality.

It's saturday morning. I had a speech meet today in East Grand Forks but due to a rather poorly timed illness I was unable to attend. Drat it all. I've seemed to have developed a lust for ribbons and medals. I feel really dumbly prideful for saying that..but it's true. We have only one more invitationl left...and then we begin the long road to state competition. I'm starting to get paranoid that something really horrible will happen and keep me from competing and I can kiss any chance of state goodbye. Oh well, easy come-easy go I guess.

I survived choir tour 2005. It wasn't quite as miserable as I expected. I actually had some fun. I made converstaion with some popular people, toured a really nifty art museum, and finally taught myself to play the "cup game". Haha

And, for the record, I'm not dating anyone...contrary to a rather odd rumor.

Later Knaves, Em

And you, stop looking at me like an idiot.

Hello all. I figured it was time for another update on the news on Planet Emily.

It is my last day of my spring break. It was a good break, although not very productive. I didn't do any of the homework I was assigned. Woops. I was sick for most of the break, but I seem to be on the mend. I has a speech meet in Newfolden on Saturday. It went really awesome. The "mighty" rams took first place with 85 speaker points. And I myself did quite well. I took 2nd. place in all three of my catagories. And I beat my rival, Andy....oooo, vindication is a good good feeling. We only have 2 practice meets left. This season has simply flown by! I'm now in Sub-section preparation mode. Which includes deciding which catagory I want to compete in. I want to make it state this year soooooo badly! And as my dear coach reminded me, "It's up to you Emily, which catagory you want to comepete in, but just remember, if you choose the wrong one, you won't ever go to state." Gag.

It was the state hockey tourneyment this weekend. The fabulous Warriors won. It was quite happy. I'm a Warroad fan. Although, that probably seals my fate as a freak in Roseau. :P

I'm leaving on Choir tour in t-minus 12 hours and counting. We are going to Duluth this year. I probably should more excited, but, in truth, it means I have to spend 3 days with some people who I really can't stand. But we're going SHOPPING! At a MALL! I haven't been to a mall in soooo long. I wanna find a really cute dress for graduation.

Ugh. Graduation. Less than 3 months away. It was creepy, I heard my youth pastor talking to somebody about graduation and he mentioned my name. It doesn't seem real. I can't imagine not heading back to high school this fall. I sent my application into Providence this week. (finally!)...so once my reference letters come in, I should be, hopefully, recieving an accpectance letter in the mail. But I must away to packing!

Here goes nothing!- Em

If you give a mouse a cookie....

Greetings to all you lovely people. I realized how long it's been since I last posted...and the guilt insued. Ha.

So my life is going quite fabulous lately. It's March first today, which means I have less than 3 months of high school left. GLORY! I'm ready. I'm really ready. I have to get out there and start life. I love Roseau, well, some of it, but I wanna try something new. Like college. And with you all as my witnesses I promise to send my application this weekend.

I'm working on my summer plans. Which, thanks to the cost of higher education, must include a job. I may be working at a desk job on weekends soon...pray that it works out. I'm going on a mission trip this summer to International Falls, going to Bluewater, and to LBBBC as much as possible. I'm hoping to hone my skills as a camp counselor. I want to get a full time job doing that after my freshman year.

I talked to my lovely Lauren last night. I can't remember the last time I had such a lovely chat. She's so calm and rational and sane...in the midst of my insanity. Which is good. :) well, my English project calls.

I love life, life loves me, Em

Perpetual Motion...

Hello all. It's about 10:30 on a Saturday night and my blog seems to be collecting dust. So I thought I'd give you an update on the the world 'o Emily.

I had a speech meet today in Detriot Lakes. We had to leave at 5 in the stinkin' morning. I didn't enjoy that. I find it nearly impossible to sleep on a bus. icck. But I faired alright at the meet, taking home two 4th place finishes. It was a fun meet, got to see my new pal Katie from EGF. And go head-to-head with my toughest competition. Tim Shaley...You're going down. Ha, no, just kidding. He's really really good at his catagories, which are, conincidentally, mine as well. :P

I really exhausted from the long day, but I'm sitting here waiting for the bane of my exsistence to communicate with me. Ugh. I didn't think it was possible to depise and enjoy the company of one so much. But enough of this....

I forsee a good productive week on the horizon. It's a short week at school. A half-day Thursday and no school Friday. I plan to finish some college apps and send them in. I'm also giving blood at the NHS's annual blood drive. I'm a bit creeped out about the idea..but really would like to give it a shot. I'm some sort of rare blood type...or so my mother tells me.

I miss...... -Em

That's life...and this is Walgreens.

Howdy world. How do you fair? I'm fairing well currently. Nothing amazing wonderful or horribly bad has happened. So, me, I'm good. I've been keeping busy with schoolwork and speech and friends and all that good stuff. I gave a speech today...It went well. And, for the record, Leah Lou, Mrs. Olsen "adores you!" (I'll explain later) I went to a Warroad vs. Roseau basketball game last night. It was some of the crappiest sportsmanship I have ever my school exhibit. We were poor winners. I favored and offered my condolences to the Warriors. Yay for closet Warrior fans, like Cierra and Kalicia. And the most fab part was I gotta to see my compadres Megan and James, who I miss like crazy! For only living 20 miles from them it's surprising how rarely I see them. It was much fun!

So currently, I'm contemplating my perspective on the dating scene. I have been declared able to date by my parents for a while now. But I'm not ready for one of those "serious ring on the finger" relationships. So...what's wrong with a not so serious just have a little fun and enjoy life kinda relationship? Is there something wrong with that? I don't think so. But in my circle it is frowned upon. Why? I just wanna have some fun and enjoy life. I'm not being flippant or rebellious or anything but I wanna have fun! Might as well enjoy life, right? Do tell me if I'm wrong.
Girls just a'wanna have fun, Em

Valentines Day...

Today is Valentines Day. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong. I love Valentines Day. I think it's great that the whole country sets aside a 24 hour period to remind that special somebody just how much they care. It's a great holiday...if you have some to celebrate it with. But for those of us who are lacking in the signifigant other department...this holiday seems to serve as a reminder of that very fact.

Every February 14th I secretly ponder what it would be like to recieve a big bunch of red roses. Or a mushy card in the mail. I hope there is a note from a secret admirer slipped inside my locker. But I think this year shall pass like all the others. I'm not pouty or terrible upset. I have hope for many more special Valentine's Days to come. Hope for the exsistence of that special somebody. Hope for romantic love. And that first kiss that makes the whole world vanish around me.

Hopefully Yours, Emily

My last season...

So we had our first official speech meet in Warroad yesterday. It went quite fabulous with Roseau taking home the first place trophy. It wasn't a big meet. There were only 7 or so teams attending. But it was good to know that even if the Rams have been slaughtered in every other sport this year our speech team still carries some weight amongst our competition.

I did alright for a first meet. I took 3rd. in prose and 1st. in drama. But it was bittersweet, as this will be my last season. Speech has always been a favorite part of the winter months. In Roseau I don't meet a lot of people who enjoy the same things I do. (acting and public speaking) But at speech meets I not only meet people who can actually deliver a speech but are good at it! And they enjoy doing it! People who challenge my ability and make me work hard to improve. I've made some lovely friends in speech. You get a chance to talk to your competitors instead of just body-checking them against the boards.

And...as our coach loves to remind us..."At your first job interview they won't ask you how many goals you scored, how many pucks you shot, or even what instrument you played but they will notice your speaking ability or lack thereof."
Eat that hockey players. :P

-Em

Egak!

Hullo all. It's a new month so I thought I should write a post. That and I got up early for no apparent reason so I thought I should make good use of my time.
Time. I wish I had more of it. It's been what I consider a killer week at school. 1 major paper. 2 unit tests. 2 outlines. 3 speeches (granted 2 of those are for the speech team). 1 interview for the school paper. All due this week. Yuck. I deduced that I could probably survive the week if I cut out sleeping...I haven't been very sucessful at that. I slept for almost 9 hours last night. And I still feel deprived.
Our first meet of the speech season is this Saturday in Warroad. Thankfully, it's a short bus ride. We don't leave until 8:00....ahhhh...bliss. I am still getting my speeches to the level where they are presentable. I finally got one of them down to the proper time limit. I'm at 7 minutes and 30 seconds exactly. That is absolutly perfect. It gives me some lee way if I should screw up and add seconds to my time. On the other hand, my second speech timed out at 8 minutes and 15 seconds. So I have to cut...again. gag. I realized that with double entering I will be speaking 6 times a meet. I suppose I knew that before. But it just hit me. That is a lot of speaking!
I went and watched the One Act Play sub-sections last Saturday. It was excellent. The fabulous deserving Warroad cast took 1st. place by a mile. yayness. I never thought I'd be so happy to see Warroad win something. But their cast is full of wonderful-nice people. One of their cast said they'd dedicate their win to Roseau. Haha. After they finished their time on stage our cast cheered at the top of our lungs. How ironic. Roseau and Warroad, friends? Naw, it couldn't be. ;)
Well, that is my life at the current moment. I sure reading this has brought joy to your life and health and prosperity to you and your household. :P
-Em

Word Association...

Let's play a game, shall we? It's called word association. Human beings, including myself, attach certain words or sights or smells or whatever to other certain experiences. It's part of the law of cuase and effect.

Church meeting: Negative conotation. I think of people leaving. At the slightest sign of a church conflict, yes, Christians are human too, we have conflict, I get quesy in the stomach. I think of people leaving and never coming back. And then meeting new people and having to learn to trust all over again....

Marijuana smell: Yes, I do know what it smells like. Not because I smoke it, I have never done so. But when the whole sophomore hallway smells like marijuana and body spray...one learns the scent. The smell makes me retch. I attach it to bad feelings...bars...and stinky kids who don't seem to have anything behind their eyes.

Tower: I think of summer and LBBBC. It reminds me of flashlights and shoes and humid nights and the way Tara laughs. Happy memories

Democrat: Mike. I doubt he was as hardcore democrat as he claimed..but he was more vocal that most. The word reminds me of a cold classroom and falling asleep on my textbook and not knowing how to say what my head is picturing so clearly.

This concludes tonight's round of Word Association. Anyone out there in blogger land care to play a round? Post...then link it to me.

*muwah* Em

Hockey Town, MN

Congratulations to me. I went to my very first hockey game last night. I felt so Roseau-ish being there. We played our arch rival the Warroad Warriors. We were defeated. 3-1. But I really think I finally understand the appeal of this whole hockey business.

It's not a matter of great skill or talent or watching promising young professional hopefuls. It's a matter of tradition. In this great big changing world of ours, in the midst of golbal conflict, kids killing eachother and cancer destroying lives, hockey, for Roseau, is something that remains steadfast as the rising of the son. It's something that everyone can take part in. There are the little babies wrapped up in snowsuits sleeping in their mother's arms. There are the elementary schoolers having Boy Vs. Girl tagging wars in the bleachers. The Little boys out on the ice moving the net for the zamboni sweep, thinking about the day when they will play out on the ice. The Jr. Highers who are prepping for their future as the glorious players. The band still plays the same songs they have played for years. The Varsity players skating unto the ice to the cheers of the crowd. Proud parents sit in the bleachers thinking about how all those years of practice and endless sharpening of skates have finally paid off. The Grandma's and Grandpa's who reminse about their times on the ice and dream of even more state championships. Everyone put on their Roseau apparel and screams at the top of their lungs. It's about a rivalship between two towns that is as strong today as it was 50 years ago.
It's not about the game or the outcome. It's about something that has stayed the same from generation to generation. Maybe I like this whole Hockey things. Maybe my kids will play it someday. And maybe I'll watch my son make that game winning goal. Maybe the Mighty Rams are just that, not because they win games but because they have kept this tradition alive for generations.
-Em

And the beat goes on...

Sorry to all my loyal fans for not posting sooner. Everything has been so crazy. I will try and update you on life as it as I type.

Our One Act play has officially come to a close. It was a sad moment. I will never be in another one act play. And we were totally screwed over. We lost to a hilarious comedy about the concept of wating and a poorly acted play about incest. I'm bitter about the later of the two. I guess that's the way life goes sometimes. For every "first" there will be a "last."

Gossip seems to becoming a bigger and bigger problem in my circle. I afear all this gossip will come to head shortly. As I type, a note in my pocket feels like it is burning. All the words of lies not spoken yet believed. I just wish to fix the situation. I may make an attempt. Cross your fingers that things don't explode in my face.

My sister is the in the midst of adolescent affection and anguish. And I'd like to say that I, playing the wise older sister role, have given her sound words as to how to sort out said emotions. But I could not. I am in the midst of my own confusion. Attraction is such an odd thing. The heart want what the heart wants. My logic seems to have taken a vacation...or perhaps an aphrodisiac. haha. I find myself thinking of this fellow at odd times. Only to force myself to kill the wandering thoughts in hopes of erecting a wall high enough to keep my messy feelings from landing on this innocent guy. Splat.

I'm feeling poetic. Hamlet overdose. Test on act one.

-Em

Reality.

I really dislike returning to my life here in Roseau. I went to Trout Lake this weekend and had a great time. But all the things I had sorted out in my mind, all the problems I had hypothetically solved, everything that made more sense...no longer does. I forget how things are in my life. And I still have to deal with things that I did before the weekend. It all seemed so clear in the quiet of the Trout Lake, away from the hustle and bustle, with friends and a constant source of spiritual food. The problems are still as looming as ever...everything has gotten confusing again. I need...an intervention.

-Em

In the library...

I'm sitting in the library at school. I'm not really doing much of anything right now. It's was the guy's day to sing in Choir and so, I ended up here. Today has been a fairly good day. I leave for Trout Lake Camp for the weekend in T-minus 3 hours and 5 minutes. Joy. I'm actually slightly excited, I'm trying to get more and more excited but...I don't know. I've felt just blah lately. I what things to be shaken up a bit, for excitement to course throught my veins. But I fall into the seemingly enternal-ness of January. Maybe I need more sunlight, medicals journals say that sun is good for you. Hopefully, I can spend some time outdoors this weekend. Basking in the the sun...and the cold.
Speaking of cold...it's freaking cold out. It was -45 below zero when I left for the school this morning. I reached for my car door handle without my glove on. My hand was burning for 15 minutes after. I intend to spend lots of time in my cabin this weekend. But the bell is going to ring shortly...later brave new world.


Something big just has to happen...Em