I was cleaning my room today and was putting some birthday cards in a box where I keep old cards and notes. Shuffling through made me very nostalgic...and regretful. I was reading notes from friends from when I was 14 and 15. OH MY WORD!!! I WAS SHALLOW!!!! Ahhh! Notes about boys, and crushes, and all that "difficult" 10th grade schoolwork. I can hardly believe that was my life...thank goodness it is no longer. I can't even grasp being like that anymore. I was so naive! I couldn't believe I was like that.
It makes me wonder if I will look back on my life, as it is now, in 5 years or so and wonder "what was I thinking!?" I certainly hope not. I'd like to believe I have matured and changed and grown as a person but have I really? Or am I just pretending? Maybe I'll never know...but hopefully wisdom will come with age. Heaven knows I could use it.
-Emily
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Friday, July 30, 2004
Late Night Show...
It's past midnight as I sit here typing away. I haven't stayed up this late in a long time...I know, pathetic. What kind of red-blooded American 17 year old sits home on a Friday night mindlessly typing away on MSN? Me, that's who. I should be at a wild party, or on hott date, or sneaking out for who knows how long!!! Of course any of you who read this blog and know me on a slightly deeper than surface level know that I would never do any of the aforementioned activities. I've chosen the road less traveled, or perhaps God has chosen this path for me and I've just chosen not to stray from it. I may never know the answer to that one. But to quote Frost "and that has made all the difference" I don't regret my how my life has turned out in the slightest, unorthadox though it may be.
I am homeschooled, which marks me as a freak in this world. I've endured years and years of rude remarks, stupid questions, and general dislike from many people. But I have so much more freedom to pursue my interests when I want, to make some classes longer or shorter, and to be me...which doesn't include dressing and acting like so many of my peers.
But I'm exhausted, and the "S" key on my keyboard is sticking. G'night brave new world- Emily
I am homeschooled, which marks me as a freak in this world. I've endured years and years of rude remarks, stupid questions, and general dislike from many people. But I have so much more freedom to pursue my interests when I want, to make some classes longer or shorter, and to be me...which doesn't include dressing and acting like so many of my peers.
But I'm exhausted, and the "S" key on my keyboard is sticking. G'night brave new world- Emily
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Camp Bronson...*tear*
Two days ago I returned from the Sr. High retreat at Lake Bronson. It was a super-fun time. We sat around and talked, swung on the swing, swam in the world's nastiest lake, and even gained a slight tan. I love that camp but more so I love the people who attend at work at the camp. I saw my fellow counselors from Jr. Boys and Girls camp, and I came to the conclusion that they are the most wicked awesome Christian teens I have ever met. Their zeal for their faith and their fun-loving nature makes them so enjoyable to be around.*GIANT SMILE*
The speaker was everything I was told that he was. Don taught me more than I've learned from a camp speaker in a long. Wonderful things like: I can stop beating myself up for my past mistakes, God isn't holding them over my head so I can stop doing so myself. And I can have my doubts and I'm still ok. I'M NORMAL!!!!!! It's ok to question, it's part of growing in my faith. YAY!!
I also learned that late night trips to the observation tower...is a bad idea.
I heart camp, Emily
The speaker was everything I was told that he was. Don taught me more than I've learned from a camp speaker in a long. Wonderful things like: I can stop beating myself up for my past mistakes, God isn't holding them over my head so I can stop doing so myself. And I can have my doubts and I'm still ok. I'M NORMAL!!!!!! It's ok to question, it's part of growing in my faith. YAY!!
I also learned that late night trips to the observation tower...is a bad idea.
I heart camp, Emily
Friday, July 23, 2004
17 years...
Well, Today is my 17th Birthday. I don't know if I should be really happy or depressed. Haha. I do like Birthdays... I don't think it's possible not to enjoy them. I dislike it when people, women especially, hide how old they are and dress in all black on their Birthday. It should be a happy day, God saw it fit to keep you the planet another year. And a new year of adventures to look forward to. People treat you extra special and you can eat cake guilt-free, because you are the birthday girl.
As I look back on this past year, I'd have to say it was quite wonderful. I got my license, my first job, which means my first paycheck, I traveled to Arkansas, picked my college and major (yay!) and I encountered God in a whole new way. Hopefully, my 17th year will just as much joy and exciting challenges as this past year. eeesh, I sound like a greeting card... :P
Farewell, Emily
As I look back on this past year, I'd have to say it was quite wonderful. I got my license, my first job, which means my first paycheck, I traveled to Arkansas, picked my college and major (yay!) and I encountered God in a whole new way. Hopefully, my 17th year will just as much joy and exciting challenges as this past year. eeesh, I sound like a greeting card... :P
Farewell, Emily
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Another Day
Nothing exciting going on today really. I may write a letter. I may look for my missing pictures. I may go buy some lip gloss..then again I may not.
Summer seemed to have just arrived but it's nearing the end. I get the dry heaves at the thought of another year of education. I know, I know, it's my Sr. year and I should treasure this special time in my life blah,blah, blah...but I don't want to. Not that I education but all the work and the classes and lines. UGH! I want summer to stay forever but I guess that is impossible.
In other news, LEAH IS COMING HOME TO VISIT!!!! YAY!! My dearest gal pla whose voice I haven't not heard in little over 2 months is coming to visit. And I've missed her like crazy, so her cmoing home is creating much joy.
Well, I have nothing else to bore you with so...Toodle Loo.
-Emily
Summer seemed to have just arrived but it's nearing the end. I get the dry heaves at the thought of another year of education. I know, I know, it's my Sr. year and I should treasure this special time in my life blah,blah, blah...but I don't want to. Not that I education but all the work and the classes and lines. UGH! I want summer to stay forever but I guess that is impossible.
In other news, LEAH IS COMING HOME TO VISIT!!!! YAY!! My dearest gal pla whose voice I haven't not heard in little over 2 months is coming to visit. And I've missed her like crazy, so her cmoing home is creating much joy.
Well, I have nothing else to bore you with so...Toodle Loo.
-Emily
Friday, July 16, 2004
Insert Snappy Title Here
Lately, I have been quite lost in my writing pursuits. I've always wanted to write a book, now I just have to decide what it should be about. I'm a sucker for a good romantic fiction book, but I'd also like to write something practical- like a book on some aspect of Christianity. My poetry is coming along, I can't say much more than that really. I've also been dabling with a couple of songs. I don't have a problem with writing the lyrics for them, but my lack of musical knowledge and talent proves to be challenge when attempting to create a snappy tune for the songs. But I shall continue pressing on in that matter.
I'm listening to Bethany Dillon at the moment. She is quite astonishing. She was but 15 when her CD was released (she's 16 now), she writes all her own lyrics, as well as the music, and sings and performs them beautifully. I wish I had that level of talent coursing though my veins! Maybe I have scads of untapped talent inside of me that is just sceaming for some sort of creative outlet!!...then again maybe not. I'm afraid I'm nothing but average in my talents, which I can deal with I think. Well, I should do something besides blogging now, so until next time...
-Emily
I'm listening to Bethany Dillon at the moment. She is quite astonishing. She was but 15 when her CD was released (she's 16 now), she writes all her own lyrics, as well as the music, and sings and performs them beautifully. I wish I had that level of talent coursing though my veins! Maybe I have scads of untapped talent inside of me that is just sceaming for some sort of creative outlet!!...then again maybe not. I'm afraid I'm nothing but average in my talents, which I can deal with I think. Well, I should do something besides blogging now, so until next time...
-Emily
Thursday, July 15, 2004
A Place called contentment
Well, the concert last night was amazingly cool! The band was wonderful, and all the the singers and band were incredibly nice and friendly people. A nice thing about Christian concerts as opposed to others is that the band members actually seem to care about their audience. And the mosh pits are far more polite, if you fall you are picked up by others...rather than being trampled. :S
And now for a very exciting annoucement: I PASSED MY AP ENGLISH NATIONAL EXAM!!!!!!! YAY! Now, according to the college board of America I am "qualified" and can skip some of my freshman english work. Aaaaaah. The knowledge that I passed this exam makes me think I might actually have a fighting chance in the college rat race, an very comforting thought.
Last night, at the concert, I saw some of my fellow counselors from camp, as well as some campers, and I was most excited. I thought I might never see the great majority of them ever again. And I also met some lovely new people last night, this meeting new people concept doesn't terrify me as it once did. Dare I say I actually enjoy meeting new people?!...I must be ill. And so at this point I am contented as to my life is playing out. And so I end this blog with one thought- Doo bee doo bee doo.
-Emily
And now for a very exciting annoucement: I PASSED MY AP ENGLISH NATIONAL EXAM!!!!!!! YAY! Now, according to the college board of America I am "qualified" and can skip some of my freshman english work. Aaaaaah. The knowledge that I passed this exam makes me think I might actually have a fighting chance in the college rat race, an very comforting thought.
Last night, at the concert, I saw some of my fellow counselors from camp, as well as some campers, and I was most excited. I thought I might never see the great majority of them ever again. And I also met some lovely new people last night, this meeting new people concept doesn't terrify me as it once did. Dare I say I actually enjoy meeting new people?!...I must be ill. And so at this point I am contented as to my life is playing out. And so I end this blog with one thought- Doo bee doo bee doo.
-Emily
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
I heart Kutless
Tomorrow evening, coming to my hole-in-the-earth-town, is one of the finest Christian rock bands EVER- KUTLESS!!!!!!!!!! *high-pitched scream* I can hardly believe it! A band that I love coming to my town...that had never ever ever happened! I'm very very excited...I trust it will be an excellent concert. And I've been encouraging everyone that I have come across to attend...yes, that means you.
-Emily
-Emily
Monday, July 12, 2004
The Future draws near...
I'm in the mood to do lot's of blogging tonight- so here I am...again.
Over this past week I have realized how fast my life is suddenly moving toward adulthood. I have but one short year left of highschool and will be at college in but 2. I was alwyas in such a hurry to grow up but now I don't want to and I am suddenly powerless to stop it. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a very narrow hallway and suddenly this huge wall of water comes surging toward me, I turn around and see this wall approaching me, then I stretch my body out in an effort to stop this wall of water, suddenly the water hits me. I manage to block it for a couple of seconds then in one giant gush the water washes me away and as hard as I try to swim against it the water pulls me down the hall in whatever direction it pleases. That's how I feel at the moment.
This week my mother abruptly announced to me that I can date if I want. *shocked face* She had originally told me that when I was 18 I could and I have these past years abided by this rule. But now, just 2 weeks shy of my 17th birthday, I am able to date. The thought of having the beau to call my own "someday" is now anyday I choose, tomorrow if I please. A thought that both frightens me and excites me.
College draws closer and closer every day. I gag at the thought of applying for scholarships for the free money I so desprately need. This year will be my final everything of highschool- final one act play, final mssion trip, final year of youth group, final year of speech team, final year of classes. It all seems so sad..do I have any regrets of how I have spent these past years of higher education? Of course. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. There are things I would have done differently, ppl I wouldn't have spent as much time with, words I wouldn't have said, words I would have said. And so with these thoughts crowding my mind with heavy mental fog- I close this entry.
-Emily
Over this past week I have realized how fast my life is suddenly moving toward adulthood. I have but one short year left of highschool and will be at college in but 2. I was alwyas in such a hurry to grow up but now I don't want to and I am suddenly powerless to stop it. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a very narrow hallway and suddenly this huge wall of water comes surging toward me, I turn around and see this wall approaching me, then I stretch my body out in an effort to stop this wall of water, suddenly the water hits me. I manage to block it for a couple of seconds then in one giant gush the water washes me away and as hard as I try to swim against it the water pulls me down the hall in whatever direction it pleases. That's how I feel at the moment.
This week my mother abruptly announced to me that I can date if I want. *shocked face* She had originally told me that when I was 18 I could and I have these past years abided by this rule. But now, just 2 weeks shy of my 17th birthday, I am able to date. The thought of having the beau to call my own "someday" is now anyday I choose, tomorrow if I please. A thought that both frightens me and excites me.
College draws closer and closer every day. I gag at the thought of applying for scholarships for the free money I so desprately need. This year will be my final everything of highschool- final one act play, final mssion trip, final year of youth group, final year of speech team, final year of classes. It all seems so sad..do I have any regrets of how I have spent these past years of higher education? Of course. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. There are things I would have done differently, ppl I wouldn't have spent as much time with, words I wouldn't have said, words I would have said. And so with these thoughts crowding my mind with heavy mental fog- I close this entry.
-Emily
Traveling at the speed of life...
Well, yesterday I returned from junior counseling a Lake Bronson Baptist Bible Camp. (LBBBC) I have to say it was the best time I can remember having in a very very long time. My campers were absolutely adorable and I miss them to death. Also, the staff was some of the finest Christian ppl my age that I have probably ever met. They were all fun, and funny, and I learned a lot from all of them.
Another nice fact about this camp is the realization that there really are some nice Christian guys out there. In this rat-hole of a town I live in nice genuine Christian guys are few and far between This camp has however given me hope that maybe I'll find a nice guy one day. Maybe. :)
And so I had an excellent time and made some new friends. God is good.
-Emily
P.S. I love stars and fog.
Another nice fact about this camp is the realization that there really are some nice Christian guys out there. In this rat-hole of a town I live in nice genuine Christian guys are few and far between This camp has however given me hope that maybe I'll find a nice guy one day. Maybe. :)
And so I had an excellent time and made some new friends. God is good.
-Emily
P.S. I love stars and fog.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Mission Trip '04
As I said before there is much more to say about this trip.
Secondly and most importantly this trip reminded that I belong to the most wicked awesome God of all the universe. A God who is with me even when I can't feel His presence. On the mission trip God saw that it was best for Him to be quiet, I grew rather upset at Him for this. But, with the help of some pretty awesome friends and my youth director, God taught me that He is there even when I can't feel Him. And even if all others forsake me...my Jesus never will.
-Emily
Secondly and most importantly this trip reminded that I belong to the most wicked awesome God of all the universe. A God who is with me even when I can't feel His presence. On the mission trip God saw that it was best for Him to be quiet, I grew rather upset at Him for this. But, with the help of some pretty awesome friends and my youth director, God taught me that He is there even when I can't feel Him. And even if all others forsake me...my Jesus never will.
-Emily
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
I Have Returned
Greetings, Yesterday I returned from my mission trip to the ozark mountain region. 11 days have I been gone. I wish to write of every single event that happened on the trip, every inside joke, every laugh, every word shouted at another anger, every single person I have met. But That would mean blogging for roughly 8 hours, something that is less than appealing. So I only write of the memories that are resting in my mind at the present moment.
My first realization gleaned from this trip is I am the proud owner of the world's most wicked awesome friends. We grew incredible close over the past 11 days and my childish fearful question of "Do I have any real friends??" has, I believe, finally been vanquished. I have friends who are willing to laugh with me, cry with me, and be there for me when I am a less happy companion. Only your dearest friends would be willing to sit up way past lights out in 15 minutes of silence other than the sound of your own sniffles and sobs. Only your dearest friends would pray for anwswers, give advice, talk, and just be there for you late into the night when you feel completely alone and betrayed.
I have many more things to say, many more realizations to share. But an errand calls my name.
Much more to come, Emily
My first realization gleaned from this trip is I am the proud owner of the world's most wicked awesome friends. We grew incredible close over the past 11 days and my childish fearful question of "Do I have any real friends??" has, I believe, finally been vanquished. I have friends who are willing to laugh with me, cry with me, and be there for me when I am a less happy companion. Only your dearest friends would be willing to sit up way past lights out in 15 minutes of silence other than the sound of your own sniffles and sobs. Only your dearest friends would pray for anwswers, give advice, talk, and just be there for you late into the night when you feel completely alone and betrayed.
I have many more things to say, many more realizations to share. But an errand calls my name.
Much more to come, Emily
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
