My life has been so uneventful this past week that's it is beginning to take a great toll on my mental state. When I have all this time to myself it forces me to look at my life as it is. To think about people..friends now turned enemies. To think about the people who promised to be your best friend forever and ever when you were 14, and now won't even speak to you. Ha, life has a way of showing you cruel irony. Reality is a cruel master. Not that I'm bitter about how my life has come to be, but I can't help but, in these moments of silence, wonder how my life would be now if I was still close with these people. If time hadn't passed, if I had just done what I was expected to do, if I had acted differently. I regret so many times in the last few years. Why didn't just...oh, there is no point in wondering. You can't go back.
And I fear I'm the only one who feels this way. I attemped to explain this odd emotion to a friend today, and they offered me a rather condesceding "Oh, well, life goes on" type of response. Like I was some foolish little kid, and was immature for thinking such a thing. I wanted to shout at them, but of course I didn't. If I said half the things I think at times out loud, I probably wouldn't still exsist. Ha. I had a friend once who always said what she thought whenever she thought it. It got her in trouble the vast majority of the time, but it also got her some very true friends. Not one shallow person would talk to her, her honesty drew a different breed of people to her. Alas, I lack the courage to be like her. I want people to like me too much. I feel very discouraged at this moment.
-Emily
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