I guess I don't know what I really thought would happen. Maybe it was some far off dream that I really began to believe would come true. That fairy tale that you knew to be true, only to find that Prince Charming never came for you. That the white horse is some old nag. That the man who is supposed to sweep you off you feet, has fallen flat on his face. Alas.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Friday, September 03, 2004
I'm just so sick of being different...
I'm a freak. It's not a shock to me, but still today I felt like even more a freak than I already am. Why must I be so different? I know living my life for Christ is the best thing...but why am I the only one who seems to think so?
I'm just so tired of the freak show. I'm a Jesus Freak even to the other Christians I know. My reputation as a goody-goody is spread far and wide on my high school campus. I think even the new sevies know I'm a goody-goody. I want to be known as wild and crazy. But I fear I'm a the 17 year old equivelant of Richard Cunningham. And what exactly is so grand about being different? This road of "higher calling" will result in what?
The Christians who live my brand of faith and lifestyle I can count on one hand. Somebody posed a question to me the other day that has been troubling my thoughts over the last couple days "What's so special about being a 17, never-been-kissed, never-had-a-boyfriend, never-even-been-on-a-date virgin?" What is so great about it? I think a lot about the day when I shall have guy to call my "significant other" but do guys really even care that you "saved yourself for them"?
My chats with my "christian" guy friends have resulted in comments from them such as " Why don't you kiss somebody?, I'm just trying to break you in?" *sigh* Is this all manhood is? Guys who really only care about one thing? Even the Christian ones?
Why live so extreme when there is no upside?
-Emily
I'm just so tired of the freak show. I'm a Jesus Freak even to the other Christians I know. My reputation as a goody-goody is spread far and wide on my high school campus. I think even the new sevies know I'm a goody-goody. I want to be known as wild and crazy. But I fear I'm a the 17 year old equivelant of Richard Cunningham. And what exactly is so grand about being different? This road of "higher calling" will result in what?
The Christians who live my brand of faith and lifestyle I can count on one hand. Somebody posed a question to me the other day that has been troubling my thoughts over the last couple days "What's so special about being a 17, never-been-kissed, never-had-a-boyfriend, never-even-been-on-a-date virgin?" What is so great about it? I think a lot about the day when I shall have guy to call my "significant other" but do guys really even care that you "saved yourself for them"?
My chats with my "christian" guy friends have resulted in comments from them such as " Why don't you kiss somebody?, I'm just trying to break you in?" *sigh* Is this all manhood is? Guys who really only care about one thing? Even the Christian ones?
Why live so extreme when there is no upside?
-Emily
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Ascend...
School has offically started. I am now a senior in high school. Yes!
I'm taking 4 classes this year at the school. The rest homeschooled. My classes seem wonderful this year. Then again, we haven't really done anything yet. Mass Communication was nothing but defining terms for a quiz next week. English was learning our new teacher's "rules of respect" and discussing the patriot act. And creative writing was learning Mrs. Olsen's vision for her classroom. So far so good.
I tried out for the choir today. And, dispite my hideous audition, I am the newest 2nd. saprano for the concert choir. yay. I have gobs of friends in that class, which really excites me. And once I get my schedule down and really enter into the swing of things, I think I shall have a wonderful year.
And with the beginning of the school year comes... SEE YOU AT THE POLE! A wonderful prayer time for our beloved school and our peers. My youth pastor asked me to represent my youth group for SYATP this year. But, all that really means is I get to plan and recieve a free T-shirt. Even so, I'm terribly excited. I have the sense that God is going to do something really big in our school this year...and I want to be a part of it. Too bad nobody seems to share my vision. Everyone is depressed at can't wait for the year to end, but I think God has something wonderful in mind. The best is yet to come.
-Emily
I'm taking 4 classes this year at the school. The rest homeschooled. My classes seem wonderful this year. Then again, we haven't really done anything yet. Mass Communication was nothing but defining terms for a quiz next week. English was learning our new teacher's "rules of respect" and discussing the patriot act. And creative writing was learning Mrs. Olsen's vision for her classroom. So far so good.
I tried out for the choir today. And, dispite my hideous audition, I am the newest 2nd. saprano for the concert choir. yay. I have gobs of friends in that class, which really excites me. And once I get my schedule down and really enter into the swing of things, I think I shall have a wonderful year.
And with the beginning of the school year comes... SEE YOU AT THE POLE! A wonderful prayer time for our beloved school and our peers. My youth pastor asked me to represent my youth group for SYATP this year. But, all that really means is I get to plan and recieve a free T-shirt. Even so, I'm terribly excited. I have the sense that God is going to do something really big in our school this year...and I want to be a part of it. Too bad nobody seems to share my vision. Everyone is depressed at can't wait for the year to end, but I think God has something wonderful in mind. The best is yet to come.
-Emily
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