Thy will be done...

Thy will be done. Thy will be done. Thy will be done? This phrase has been weighing on my heart quite often lately. To put it simply, the day I gave control of my life over to God was I day I died. There was no more Emily. Or, at least, there shouldn't be. But for the past month I have become aqutely aware of the fact that there is still an awful lot of Emily left in my life. And I hate it.

Up until I arrived at Providence I never questioned whether I was following God's will. I just assumed that I was doing what God wanted me to do. I thought that I was a good Christian, doing exactly what I supposed to do. But as each day here passes I'm becoming more and more aware of who I want to be, and how far I am from being that person now.

It's now a daily question, Am I living in God's Will for my life? I'm terrified of the idea that I'm not exactly where God wants me to be. I do believe that Providence is where he wants me. Any place that causes me to take an honest look at who I am is a place that I need to be. The question of my major is one that has been weighing on me lately. I love communications, I love my Proffessor, I love my program, and I really think that I would enjoy working in it some day. But I feel like I lack passion. I look at some of the others in my program and they have such talent, passion, and enthusiasm for the communications profession. And I don't.

When I look back on my life thus far, brief as it has been, I clearly remember the times when I felt beyond a doubt that I was following the will of God. And I feel as though God might be calling me to some sort of full-time Christian ministry. Not that any job can't be a ministry, but I mean a full-time ministry careeer. And that terrifies me.

"When the will of God crosses the will of man- somebody has to die."- Addison Leitch

-Em