...So she bought me a scarf.

I'm once again back at Providence College for a second semester. I can already sense how remarkably different this semester is. Everything seems different. I'm not going to lie, I think this semester will be exteremly hard. Not in terms of academics, in fact, I think my studies will be easier this semester than last. But emotionally and spiritually, this will be a hard semester. The odd part of it is, I don't think any of my outside circumstances have changed, it's something inside of me that is changed. I don't know what's changed, but something has.

I had a really bad week. I feel so frustrated with myself. Mostly, with how I relate to people. I'm a sarcastic person, but I think a couple of my comments have been over the line this week. I'm so angry at myself for saying those things. I fear I may have alienated one of the very few guy friends I have here at school.

I watched a movie with some friends tonight. I felt really socially awkward. There was a guy there whom I deeply repect, and I didn't feel good enough to be his friend. I fear losing his respect.

I also don't pretend to understand guys. All hope to understand them has been vanquished over the years. But why a guy would say things he doesn't mean boggles me. I suppose girls do it too. But insincerity makes me cry. I see words not matching actions. I see promises not being kept. I see secrets not being kept.

My friend Bethany felt bad about my week so she bought me a scarf.