Tonight I realized I have a demon. A contast figure on my shoulder that colors all I see in the world around me. A cold calculating presence that seems to alter my reality. And it's name: Cynicism. It's an ugly, ugly beast and I'm not sure when I became such a cynic. In high school, I was told to be the textbook idealist. Emily loved her happy endings. But somehow, while I was distracted by life, I became a cynic. The romantic movies I used to love now make me gag. The promises of the people around me seem to be empty even before they say them.

When it comes down to it, cynicism is a loss of hope. That inner belief that it's all going to work. In my head, the debate raged, "Of course you're cynical! Look at this last year! How can you not be? You have every right in this world to be angry and jaded." I felt justified in being cynical, life has handed me some hard realities these past couple weeks. But then, how can I, a woman who claims to wear the love of Christ on her sleeve really be so cynical? "Love always trusts, always hopes." Ouch. There it was, in plain English. Love always hopes. If I love Jesus, and his love is in me, hope comes with the package. That's a challenge for me. When I look at my life, and the life of many of my closet and dearest friends injustice is all lit up in neon lights. None of this is fair. Her happy ending didn't come. His dreams were stepped on. I have experienced life this year, and the more I see of this world the more I'm thrilled that this planet is a detour for something far better. Experience has taught me that humanity is horribly cruel, and unfathomable fallible. Why? Unfortunately, I have realized that there is no good answer for any of these questions. But for me, a follow of Christ, the only answer is to keep on hoping.

-"Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows."-David T. Wolf