A Lesson in Grace...

I've got a confession to make. I love grace. I love the unfairness of it all. The way it smacks of injustice. The way the God of wrath, power, and justice extended a hand of compassion to me and the rest of humanity. However, I also hate grace. The grace of God holds me to standard that, at times, I don't want to live up to. If the God of the universe can forgive and extend grace to me, I must do the same to others. Grace is wonderful when it is extended to me, but so difficult when I extend it to others. My humanity screams out for fairness and that ever-present longing for vinidication. This summer, so far, has been one of learning what grace really means. I knew what grace from God to me meant, but grace from me to others was something I needed to learn.

I just finished reading the book "Blue Like Jazz" written by Donald Miller. Great book, I highly recommend it. There was one section in that book that stuck me so poinently I had to set the book down on my bedroom floor and lay there for a moment, thinking, "wow. that's me." I could summarize that section, but then I would risk losing the power of it....so here it is, in the words of Donald Miller.

"There was this guy in my life at the time, a guy I went to church with whom I honestly didn't like. I thought he was sarcastic, lazy and manipulative, and he ate with his mouth open so that food almost fell from his chin when he talked. He began and ended every sentence with the word dude. I don't enjoy not liking people, but sometimes these things feel as if you are not in control of them. I never chose not to like the guy. It felt more like the dislike had chosen me. Regardless, I had to spend a good amount of time with him as we were working on a temporary project together. He began to get under my skin. I wanted him to change. I wanted him to read a book, memorize a poem, or explore morality, at least as an intellectual concept. I didn't know how to communicate with him that he need to change, so I displayed it on my face. I rolled my eyes. I gave him dirty looks. I would mouth the word loser when he wasn't looking. I though somehow that he would sense my disapproval and change his life in order to gain my favor. In short, I witheld love. It was selfish, and what's more, it would never work. By withholding love from my friend, he became defensive, he didn't like me, he thought I was judgmental, snobbish, proud, and mean, Rather than being drawn to me, wanting to change, he was repulsed.
I was guilty of using love like money, withholding it to get somebody to be who I wanted them to be. I making a mess of everything. And I was disobeying God. It was clear that I was to love everybody, be delighted at everybody's exsistence, and I fallen miles short of God's aim. The power of Christian spirituality has always rested in repentence, so that's what I did. I repented. I told God I was sorry. I replaced economic metaphor, in my mind, with something different, a free gift metaphor or magnet metaphor. That is, instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on, lavishly. I knew this was the way God loved me. God had never withheld love to teach me a lesson.
After I repented, things were different, but the difference wasn't with my friend, the difference was with me. I was free to love. I didn't have to discipline anybody, I didn't have to judge anybody, I could treat everybody as though they were my best friend, as though they were rock stars or famous poets, as though they were amazing, and to me they became amazing, especially my new friend. I loved him.

Wow. I don't have to cling to justice, or that nagging need for vindication. I can love. Freely, recklessly, lavishly. God didn't send me out into this world to be his justice, and to let people know exactly what the Almightly thinks of their desicions. He sent me to love, like Jesus did, with no strings attached. I'm sure we all have a "dude person" in our lives. I know I do. But this past week, instead of glaring, rolling my eyes, and twisting my face in disdain, I let it all I go. And, you know what, he's a pretty cool dude. Love the "dude" in your life.