Cardboard boxes and conflicting emotions.

It's 9:00 now. It's my last night here in Roseau before I return to my dear Providence. Tomorrow, with my parent's car filled to the brim I will make the hour and forty-five minute drive back to Otterburne, Manitoba to begin my sophomore year. I'm a sophomore in college. Wow, I still feel so young.

I've been looking so forward to going back. My head and heart are so often still at Prov, but my body is here. This summer was, without a doubt, challenging. So much of this summer was in a weird holding pattern, like these last four months were just a break in my life. Somehow Prov has become my life. I wanted so badly to be back in that atmosphere. But tonight as I was putting stuff in my car, washing bed sheets, and counting pairs of socks I was filled with an undeniable...sadness.

My mom always tells me that I don't handle change well. I suppose that's true. Transition has a way of making me a bit quesy in my stomach. I like having a nice, concrete, quietly predictable life. Perhaps that is where faith is most prominant in my life. In the unknown. In a future that I can't plan and journey I can't prepare myself for. To be able to say, okay, God, I have no idea what's going on, but I trust you. Faith in a Higher Power who wants what is best for me, even when my life seems to be written in pencil. Faith even when I feel like I wasted this summer away. And faith that despite everything I should have done this summer, and everything that should have happened, God was at work.

"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."-C.S. Lewis

Faithful to Me - Jennifer Knapp

All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand beneath the waves
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand
Just to watch them wash away

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I see
Reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You'd understand
You're the one One Who's faithful to me

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly
For a faith to be faithful to me

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To One Who sees past all I see
Reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You'd understand
You're the only One Who's faithful to me

I Heart this song.