He had it coming...

So I'm sitting here listening to the Cell Block Tango on my sister's Chicago soundtrack. It's such an awesome song. It's the ultimate in girlish revenge.

So I had play practice tonight. We managed to get through the whole thing, although it looked like complete and total crap. Even our director said so....which is a bad sign. If we loose on our own stage I'll be mortified. But even though it stunk...I had a lot of fun. I got to see some people I haven't seen in forever...Carolyn, Ryan, Amanda, Hondo. It was happy. As I get older, I now realize that how happy a time Christmas is. As my friends slowly leave for college and other things Christmas marks a time of togetherness and joy. I like my friends being together with eachother again. :)

Together at Last, Em

The Joy of Life.

I've been pondering the looming New Year. And, of course, you know what that means, New Years Resolutions! And so my big resolution this year is...Learn to love life. I want to enjoy every waking moment of the year 2005. I want to take every chance I can. Do things wild and crazy. I want to stop worrying about the future, and all that I have to accomplish tomorrow. And learn to live in the moment. I don't want to worry about the consequences or the far-reaching effects on the atmosphere. I want to love that day, that hour, that minute, and that very second. Just to cut loose from all the chains that bind me to insecurity. For I've come to the conclusion that freedom isn't a place...It's a state of mind.

I'm still waiting for you to be the one I'm waiting for, Em

The greatest gifts of all...

It's Christmas Eve. And dare I say it's been the most wonderful Christmas Eve in recent memory.
I know that it 's a cliched thing of me to say, but the best gifts of all really don't come in packages. Not to say that I didn't love the gifts I got in boxes: the cucumber melon stuff from my bro, the pink candles from little sis, and the CD and coffee maker from my folks. (mmmm...coffee.) But the most awesome gifts I got today weren't wrapped up in cheesy paper and scotch tape.
Awesome gift #1: My dearest friend Leah is home. I saw her at a distance, ran up to her, and mauled her with a giant "I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever-I-missed-you-like-crazy-I'm-so-glad-you're-home" hug. She is as animated and fun as she was when she moved two monthes ago. She was happy to see me, but not as happy as I was to see her. We laughed, we joked, we dove into the snow, and just enjoyed the fact that we are together again. Good gal-pals are hard to come by...and Leah is one of the greatest.
Awesome gift #2: This awesome gift came in the form of a conversation I had with a friend of mine. I've been a bit down lately about my lack of a signifigant other. And we got on the topic of this gorgeous guy I met yesterday. He, my friend that is, told me not to fall for that one. When I pressed him for details as to why he said that I needed a guy who he wouldn't have to worry about me with. He gave me a speech about the pitfalls of highschool dating and how I shouldn't rush love. He said that most of his highschool relationships haven't left him better off than he was before. I found not only his advice to be very wise, but his concern genuine. I don't know many guys who would have said that kinda thing to me. And I somehow felt...less lonely for a beau.
Awesome gift # 3: We held a Christmas Eve service at my church tonight. I read the Christmas story from Luke to the congregation. And as many times as I have heard that story it struck me rather poinently tonight. The smiling faces of the people and the infectious excitement of my youth pastor filled my heart with joy. How a young woman, probably only 14 or 15 years old, carried the Son of God. It's beyond amazing.
Greatest Gift of All: My Jesus came to this earth thosands of years ago and died for me.


Merry Christmas! Em

Oh brave new world that has such people in it!

Good Evening world. The title of my blog is from the Shakespere play The Tempest. It accuratly describes how I'm feeling at the moment. People are an interest of mine. So I thought I would include a statment about some lovely people who I know and any insights I have discovered about them.

Cierra- She's a crazy exciting girl and is the only one who can make her older sister fashion conscience.

Alyssa- Her wisdom astounds me at times and I discover a new similarity between us each day. I hope I can be like her someday.

Lauren- Is beyond fun. I feel so much happier around her. She's like my matching puzzle piece. The gal pal who makes me feel confident.

Ryan- What can I say about Ryan? He's my drama buddy to my dying day. He makes me question my point of view and wish to take life by the horns...so to speak.

Leah- She's so much like me it's frightening at times. She understand what I'm saying before a sound leaves my mouth. It's creepy awesome.

James- He makes me laugh. It's been a long time since I've met some one who can match my sarcasm...I enjoy the challenge.

Tyler- He's an awesome guy. I love his confidence and his sense of self. He's totally a man after God's own heart.

Eric- Is wise beyond his years. I've known Eric since I was a little tyke. He never fails to find the humor in life.

Mike- Although I doubt that I will ever see Michael again..or that he ever wants to see me again. His presence has shaped my life (and my political views) in ways he will never know.

So those are my people observations for the time being. It's funny when you think about the people in your life and really ask yourself "How has this person impacted my life?" Because, when you think about it, who you are is a mixture of who those around you are. It's the people around you who shape you into you.

-Em

Busy-Busy-Busy!

Hello all. It is now nine days until X-mas and I have barely even started shopping. My goal is to start and finish all my shopping this weekend.

Yesterday was the deadline for our school newspaper to be ready for press. Once again, most of genius classmates didn't get the work done on time...and well, our teacher whispered to me in hushed tones how angry she was. She ranted and raved, threatened students with failing grades and then breathed down their necks as they finished their pages. Then she had me, and a couple of other people, assemble a fun page that nobody had done. It turned out quite funny.

English is being a pain in the bum. I have a major research paper due after x-mas break, and I've barely even gotten started. My teacher was mocking me the other day about never have gone to the principal's office. He told me my education was not complete. whatever.

I must depart, another day another dollar, Em

Like a movie where the hero dies...

Hindsight is always 20/20...or so they say. And sometimes life doesn't turn out the way it should. I had one of those moments tonight. One of those moments where you can't help but wonder how things might be now if you had acted differently. Did the Jews ever wonder what life would be like if Hitler had never come to power? Did Adam ever kick himself for eating that fruit?

I wish I could go back to what once was. Knowing what I know now I would make a very different choice. It's like some awful movie where the hero dies and the bad guy wins. It just shouldn't be like this. Is it too late to fix that mistake? Yes. It sure is.

Great Pending Embarassment...

Thanks Ry, for the the swoon.com link. I looked up my dream, and according to the dream interpretator I will have something horribly embarassing happen to me. Greaaaaat.

I'm so sleepy right now. I baby sat this evening for a little fellow named Charlie. He was 19 months old, with big blue eyes and blonde curls. He played with his toys, watched Frosty the Snowman, and ate a banana. I wondered what it would be like to have a wee one. He was so sweet. Though I have this nagging feeling that I shall never marry...thus the kid thing is out of the question. I don't wish for a boyfriend anymore. When I see couples together it just seems like watching something I will never have. Like watching people who play tennis well. Now, I can't play tennis, I can barely hold a racket, so I know I will never be a Wimbledon champion. I'm not upset by that fact, I just know I won't. It's the same way with romance, I know I won't ever have that. I'm not upset. That's just the way it is.

-Em

Nightmare or prophetic dream?

I had a really strange dream last night. Something horrible had happened to somebody who was close to me. I believe they died, but the details of that part of the dream were rather fuzzy. Well, somehow this person's (I shall call him Harvey) death was linked to some terrorist conspiracy. I was sitting in English class and my teacher was rambling about how we would need to prepare for this forthcoming disaster. I looked up from my desk toward the ceiling and saw a black and white mouse crawling around on the ceiling. The mouse promptly fell from the ceiling and on to me, and then landed on my desktop. I shrieked. Then all the kids in my class: the jock, the flirt, the dummy, the musician, the teen mommy, the girl who talks about nothing, and the bitter cynincal Senior, all jumped up and started screaming with me as the mouse ran across the floor of the classroom. And then I woke up.

Does anyone out there think this dream means something? Like some great tragedy will happen to my class? And we will all have to face it together? Or did I just drink too much orange juice before I went to bed?

Food for thought- Em

Does this glue stick smell like peanut butter to you too?

My blog title is a quote from the guy in my mass comm. class at school. He also proclaimed today and I quote, "I'm a friggin' genius!" Yeah, somebody please tell me that college is better than this?
I just want to live how I want to, I'm so sick of being told what to do. Do this. Don't do that. Not like that. I'm 17 years old! I'm gonna be outta this town in a year, if I can't figure how I want to live my now I may never. Attention world: I'm sorry I not what you want me to be. I like me. If I wanted to be you, I would. This is my independence cry. Sorry world, I don't give a crap what you think.

I don't care anymore, Em

And all is right with the world again...ha, kinda.

Mi amiga has returned...and all is right with the world again. Well, no, not completely. But I feel a lot better. She seemed so normal, I thought she would be so different. It's was comforting to find that nothing has changed between us. It was like nothing had changed at all, like this past week never really exsisted. Yay, for paralell universes.

I watched a companion of mine try to broach a rather awkward topic with me. It was almost comical. I knew exactly what he was trying to say, and I probably knew more about the situation than he did. But I played stupid so that I could watch him squim in the awkwardness of it all. Tell me, is that a sadistic thing of me to do? *Shrug.* Once he maganged to spit it out I assured him I completely understood...and offered my solution to the problem. He said that was his solution as well, but the powers at be wish it otherwise. Blah on the powers at be.

The right side of the brain looks at the left side of the brain and says, "It's dark in here and we may die."
-Senorita Emily

*eyelid droops* yes, just one eyelid.

So I worked last night. It was long and boring. And I, somehow, managed to, once again, to burn myself on the steam table. That was...not fun. It was also the night of the hopsital X-mas party so my boss came in a gave us concilitory gifts for working that night. A mug with the hospital logo on it and a giant killer poinsetta. Strange, I know. "Sorry you have to slave away while the rest of us party the night away. Here, take this giant ugly flowering plant. Merry Christmas!"

I saw a fellow I haven't seen in ages today. My youth pastor's older brother. I met him while working on renovating my youth pastor's house. He a jolly fun guy. I forgot how much he made me laugh. He recently got married and he and his adorable wife were in town visiting. This from the man who once told me he had all his romantic bones surgically removed. :P What a softie.

We're discussing mental illness and depression at youth group tonight. I really don't want to. I know he only means to help the situation. But to me it feels like scratching off a wound that finally started to heal over. And making it bleed again. And some people just don't understand. Come home mi amiga. I miss you like crazy.

Emily

Long time...No blog.

Sorry to all my quote "adoring fans" for not posting. I've been so insanely busy....however Ryan's guilt trip got to me. Life has been twisted; molded into a shape that shouldn't be.

I despise gossip. Gossipy people, people who pretend to be concerned to gain a chuck of juicy gossip, talking about other people behind their back, and those fools who can't seem to figure out when certain things just aren't any of their business!!!!!! Agh! Ahhhh... that felt good. I needed to vent. Don't ask me why I needed to vent, because I won't tell you. I don't gossip.

Due to circumtances beyond anyone's control, coupled with some very unfortunate timing. I will be directing some practices of our One Act play next week. And I'm petrified. I worry that nobody will listen to me, that the cast, especially certain people, will try and take over leadership from me. And I just want Mrs. Sallberg to cancel our surgery and stay to manage the brat pack. My affectionate term for the younger members of the cast. :) Natalie Novacek, if you're out there, come home, this is an emergency.

So, I have my first 2005 graduation planning meeting on Monday at 8:30 in the morning. (IN THE MORNING!?) Me, and my amigos Scot and Aaron will make up the graduating class of Roseau homeschoolers. Personally, I think it's going to be a lot of decisions that I hate making. What color napkins should we have? How many songs should we sing? Regular coffee of decaf? Or both!? Ahhh! I just want to get ready and graduate...and go to college. This doesn't need to be a big deal...at least I hope it doesn't.

Waiting for X-mas, Emily

Save the One Act.

Today was super-crazy. It was just an odd day. We watched War of the Worlds in Mass Comm today. That was stange...in a hokey disturbing way. English was a zoo as usual. Many students were angry about all the homework, others got angry about their complaining, I think everyone had PMS or something. There was a lot of shouting.

ONE ACT WAS NUTS! We were going through picking parts. One girl proclaimed dibs on a part...another girl wanted it. They both got a bit mad. On girl pronounced death on anybody who would want this part...she was kidding...but it was still unsettling. People were just edgy all day. Ryan, Come home...fix it.

Just another animal in the zoo, Emily

Miss Cellophane...should'a been my name.

*Sigh* I feel so invisible. Unimportant. Like my life, and the things that I do, haven't made even the slightest dent in the world around me.

Today in class Matt called me Ashley. He was attempting to say hi to everyone in the class. And hen he got to me he got a little stuck. Anna asked him, "Do you know her name?" "Ummm....Ashley." Upon realizing my name wasn't Ashley he apologized and said "You remind me of an Ashley." *Sigh*

At first I thought everyone thought I was freak, but now I doubt that they even notice my exsistence. I guess I'm nothing but another silent face in the crowd.

Little Miss Cellophane: Emily

Would you bring me back a sombrero?

I made bars today. They are warming quite comfortably in the oven as I type. My father and little sister are singing the "meow mix" commericial in the next room. Heaven only knows why.

I've been thinking a lot of college life. I intended to finish my application over this long weekend, but I was unsuccessful. Drat it all. Now that I'm a senior random people ask me where I want to go to college. What I want to do with my degree. How I wish to spend the next 70 years and how much wealth I intend to accumulate. Bah. I'm scared to go to college, but I'm even more scared not to go. I've seen the fate of those who choose not to leave for college, they become the pariah of this little community. "Why didn't you go to college?" "What are you doing insted?" "How is your family doing dealing with this shame upon their household?" Bah. Nosy old people. I'm excited to see how my future will play out....

And, *crosses fingers* I think I've chosen a major: Communications and Media. - I wanna write. :)

Emily

Lost in thought...

Oofda! It has been a long time since I last posted. I decided I should write about politics more often. I got 5 comments to my post about Bush. And only 1 was negative! ...granted, I wrote one of the comments myself. *giggle*

So it's been a crazy busy week at school. I gave my speech for English class today. I got a prefect score. I knew those mindnumbing mornings on a bus for speech would pay off someday! Choir has been more boring than usual, although solo contests are this tuesday. Too bad I can't remember the words to my song. And we toured the radio station this week for mass comm. I had this over-whelming urge to organize their closets, which were exploding with seemingly worthless items.

But all in all I had a pretty fab week. And last weekend was SO fun! I went to Trout Lake Bible Camp for a retreat. It was so great! Plenty of time to rest, relax, and reflect on life. And I'm excited to be a Christian again. It's been so long since I have been in that atmosphere of bibles, peace and quiet, and fellowshiping with other Christians. It was just what I needed. We had an insanely huge bonfire at the end of the weekend. It was the equivilent of burning 3 of the LBBBC cabins. Ha.

The only real downside to the weekend was my recurring role as a 3rd. wheel. Anna had her beau, Mike, and Michelle hooked up with an old guy friend. And for those of you who know what it's like to be that extra person..yeah..it sucked. But my and my youth pastor kicked it for a while. And I've decided I prefer think of myself not as a third wheel, but as a uni-cycle.
His Grace is Sufficient, Emily

P.S. Please refer to my by my British name: Effie.

Yes, I am a Bush Babe .

My beloved President George W. Bush has won another 4 years in office. I'm floored. I stayed up until 1:00 in the morning watching election coverage. God bless Ohio. It felt good to know that people cared about where are country is going. One poll said that more Americans voted based on moral issues than the economy. A first ever for our country.

Bush Babe , Emily

Down wit' da' DC Talk.

I went to Grand Forks yesterday and purchased "intermission: dc talk the greatest hits." It is a rippingly good CD. These guys write some the of most wonderful lyrics I have ever heard. However, by listening to their style of music, especially the early stuff, I have concluded that the 90's were a drak time in the music industry.


Life is a bunch of malarky, Emily

Buried emotions.

Today I bumped into an old crush of mine. We exchanged words and went about our business. He was with his girlfriend so I did my best to refrain from greeting him more enthusiatically than I did....that could be awkward.

The odd thing was that is wasn't the fact that I saw him (I assumed our paths would cross again at some point) it was my reaction to seeing him. Once I realized it was him, my heart began racing madly, had I been wearing a tighter shirt I sure my pulsating heart would have been visable to him, and I spent 3 minutes getting up the courage to say something. I was all but 100% postitive that all my feelings for him had dissloved. Apparently not. I had convinced myself that we would make a horrible match and, ironically enough, had just this morning congratulated myself on the fact that I rarely thought of him anymore. Maybe it's impossible for one's logical thoughts to conquer what one feels in their heart? It's a thought I pondered the rest of the day. That and I scruitinaized my every movement and word. I kicked myself for wearing my crappy, yet comfy, sweatshirt and for having my hair look so...blah. Meanwhile his adorable girlfriend looked perfect, as always, and her well-conditioned hair was blindingly shiny. Gag.

If anyone knows the answer to my burning question...do let me know.

-Emily

Headbanging boys and faces from the past...

I had an interesting discussion with my English teacher today. We are assigned to write an innugural address as if we were to be president. He was spouting off his typical "blah,blah can't inforce morality in schools, bush is a simple-minded twit" speal. Even though am I horribly wary of political debates of any kind thanks to M.A. I opened my yap and before I could stop myself said "Do we lose points if you don't agree with our speech?" He gave this agast look and said "What kind of person do you think I am?" He sat himself on the empty desk in front of me and situated his body as if it was going to be one of those long " how does that make you feel" speeches.

"Emily, don't you think I'm opened minded?" I had my doubts.

"Why don't you think I will like your speech?" Uh-oh, this was getting into dangerous territory. I would have to make an assumption about my teacher.

"Um...well, I think you're a democrat, and...um...I'm a republican in every sense, so I doubt we would see eye to eye on anything." There I said it.

He began to explain his political beliefs to me. He wasn't republican or democrat...or so he claimed. But he refused to tell me who he was voting for, although he would be voting. He made several statement that I found plain wrong. I would have corrected him if I hadn't been so intimidated by his being my teacher...he offered to give me an articale to read on What bush and Kerry really think.( Hmm...give me an article...where have I heard that one before?) I laughed at him. He's a CNN junkie. However, something tells me I haven't had the last of my discussion with Mr Jones. Maybe this time, I'll get it done right.

Shimmy, shimmy, shake, repeat, Emily