Thursday, July 27, 2006
As Promised
As I promised, here is a scan of the cool picture my dearest Lyssa made me. The scan really doesn't do it justice. It's way cooler in person. Oh, if you couldn't tell, that's Me and Alyssa.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Here am I
Summer is on the downslide. I return to my beloved Providence College exactly one month from today. I can hardly believe that fact, but then I can believe it. Sometimes I feel like summer has barely started, and in other ways this summer has been has been never-ending. When I came home for the summer, I thought I thought I knew exactly why God brought me home for the summer. But with so many things in life, when I think I have God and his will figured out He shows me otherwise. Although this summer wasn't what I expected it to be, I did learn a lot.
My time at Lake Bronson Baptist Bible Camp is coming to a close. I counsel for a short retreat this weekend and then I am done for the summer. I'm ready to be done. I love kids, I love counseling, I love camp, but I think my time at LBBBC is done. I don't expect that I will work there again, at least not in such a full time capacity. But I gained that of insight about future ministry work from this summer. Including a dang good leadership quote from my boss, Troy. "A leader doesn't have to know everything, a leader just has to know how to serve." That should be on a bookmark, or a bumper sticker. I think I will make that my personal motto for my year in student leadership at Prov.
Providence! I'm so incredibly excited to go back. A couple weeks ago, it hit me. I want to go back. Right this moment. I have a bad case of Prov Ache. When I look back at my year at Prov, I can see so clearly how God used that year. I have never felt so close to God as when I'm at Prov. I see him in people, I see him in my professors, and I see him in the lessons He teaches. Prov is truly the place where God is most real to me. I'm going to be a Resident Assistant there this year. And I couldn't be more excited for it. I think of how Prov impacted me, and for me to get the chance to help other people be impacted....ooooooooh, man, I'm so excited!!!
This past Sunday, I turned 19 years old. I feel really old. This is my last year as a teenager. In some strange way I always felt that I would have most everything, my life included, figured by the time I reached 20. Ha, somehow I don't think that will be happening. But really, I'm okay with not having this whole life thing figured out. I like that my life still has questions, mysteries, and unknown equations. How boring would it be if I knew it all? It was a lovely birthday though. I got the coolest present EVER from my Lyssa. She's an amazing artist and she did a pencil drawing of us. It is soooo cool. I wanted to post it here on my blog, but it won't work...drat. I shall post it at some point though, promise.
I'm lady of the house for this week. My mom is gone for the week to spend time with my grandpa. He had heart surgery on Tuesday. I clean house, make food, do laundry, I even baked cookies tonight. I'm so domestic. I had to make a shopping list for my dad. It's kind of fun actually, I'm looking forward to getting my own apartment someday, buying "house-y", and taking care of my home.
Ooo! The oven just beeped...my cookies are ready!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Adventures in Camp Counseling
It's now the middle of July and I'm half-way through my summer, including halfway through the the camp schedule at Lake Bronson Baptist Bible Camp. I return to Prov in little over a month. Oi.
Just yesterday I came home from a week of counseling at the Jr. Boys and Girls camp. It's for 3rd-6th graders. It was a wonderful, but extremely exhausting week. I had a cabin of 9 girls, and a co-counselor, Sarah. It was probably one of the best cabins I had ever had. The girls all got along, well, as well as 9 and 11 year olds can get along. Most of girls suffered from home-sickness. So there were a lot of tears on their part, a lot of hugs on my part. My theme for my devotions this week was "Jesus is..." I talked about Jesus is a best friend, Jesus is a King (so we are his princesses), and Jesus is the Good Shepherd. On the last night of camp, I lead the girls through the prayer of salvation, and 3 girls prayed it for the first time! That was the most exciting part of my week for sure. Camp has been hard for me this year, I'm not sure why. Some days it's really hard to make that drive up there. Some days I just don't want to be there. But then, seeing those 3 beautiful girls raise their hands to say that they asked Jesus into their hearts...it's all worth it again.
I also learned a lot for my own spiritual life. The speaker for the camp was excellent. It's been a long time since I have gone through the basics of the Christian faith. Our theme for the week, as well as the summer is "Running the Race". Ever since this past April, I've hit a rather rough patch of the track. There have been a lot of rocks that I have tripped over, a lot of mud that has splashed up on me. During one chapel he spoke of having faith through the hard times. Because of my rather dramatic injury earlier this summer I was used as an example. The speaker said, "And God has taught her things through this experience that she could have learned otherwise. This bad thing has a purpose. She can thank God for this hard time." I almost started crying, can I truly say thank you to God for this hard time? This summer has been the hardest I can ever remember. These past few months have been really really hard. Early this spring, I felt closer to God than I have ever have. Life was falling into place. Praising God was so easy. Then...things went south. And as I sat in that white chapel at camp, I heard God saying, "Can you praise me now?" Can I? Can I thank Him for a pain that seems to have no purpose? Do I truly believe that He knows best? I want to be able to say to my Savior, "Thank you, I don't understand what You're doing, but I do thank you."
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by fixing our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish." -Hebrews 12:1-2a
Just yesterday I came home from a week of counseling at the Jr. Boys and Girls camp. It's for 3rd-6th graders. It was a wonderful, but extremely exhausting week. I had a cabin of 9 girls, and a co-counselor, Sarah. It was probably one of the best cabins I had ever had. The girls all got along, well, as well as 9 and 11 year olds can get along. Most of girls suffered from home-sickness. So there were a lot of tears on their part, a lot of hugs on my part. My theme for my devotions this week was "Jesus is..." I talked about Jesus is a best friend, Jesus is a King (so we are his princesses), and Jesus is the Good Shepherd. On the last night of camp, I lead the girls through the prayer of salvation, and 3 girls prayed it for the first time! That was the most exciting part of my week for sure. Camp has been hard for me this year, I'm not sure why. Some days it's really hard to make that drive up there. Some days I just don't want to be there. But then, seeing those 3 beautiful girls raise their hands to say that they asked Jesus into their hearts...it's all worth it again.
I also learned a lot for my own spiritual life. The speaker for the camp was excellent. It's been a long time since I have gone through the basics of the Christian faith. Our theme for the week, as well as the summer is "Running the Race". Ever since this past April, I've hit a rather rough patch of the track. There have been a lot of rocks that I have tripped over, a lot of mud that has splashed up on me. During one chapel he spoke of having faith through the hard times. Because of my rather dramatic injury earlier this summer I was used as an example. The speaker said, "And God has taught her things through this experience that she could have learned otherwise. This bad thing has a purpose. She can thank God for this hard time." I almost started crying, can I truly say thank you to God for this hard time? This summer has been the hardest I can ever remember. These past few months have been really really hard. Early this spring, I felt closer to God than I have ever have. Life was falling into place. Praising God was so easy. Then...things went south. And as I sat in that white chapel at camp, I heard God saying, "Can you praise me now?" Can I? Can I thank Him for a pain that seems to have no purpose? Do I truly believe that He knows best? I want to be able to say to my Savior, "Thank you, I don't understand what You're doing, but I do thank you."
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by fixing our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish." -Hebrews 12:1-2a
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
A Lesson in Grace...
I've got a confession to make. I love grace. I love the unfairness of it all. The way it smacks of injustice. The way the God of wrath, power, and justice extended a hand of compassion to me and the rest of humanity. However, I also hate grace. The grace of God holds me to standard that, at times, I don't want to live up to. If the God of the universe can forgive and extend grace to me, I must do the same to others. Grace is wonderful when it is extended to me, but so difficult when I extend it to others. My humanity screams out for fairness and that ever-present longing for vinidication. This summer, so far, has been one of learning what grace really means. I knew what grace from God to me meant, but grace from me to others was something I needed to learn.
I just finished reading the book "Blue Like Jazz" written by Donald Miller. Great book, I highly recommend it. There was one section in that book that stuck me so poinently I had to set the book down on my bedroom floor and lay there for a moment, thinking, "wow. that's me." I could summarize that section, but then I would risk losing the power of it....so here it is, in the words of Donald Miller.
"There was this guy in my life at the time, a guy I went to church with whom I honestly didn't like. I thought he was sarcastic, lazy and manipulative, and he ate with his mouth open so that food almost fell from his chin when he talked. He began and ended every sentence with the word dude. I don't enjoy not liking people, but sometimes these things feel as if you are not in control of them. I never chose not to like the guy. It felt more like the dislike had chosen me. Regardless, I had to spend a good amount of time with him as we were working on a temporary project together. He began to get under my skin. I wanted him to change. I wanted him to read a book, memorize a poem, or explore morality, at least as an intellectual concept. I didn't know how to communicate with him that he need to change, so I displayed it on my face. I rolled my eyes. I gave him dirty looks. I would mouth the word loser when he wasn't looking. I though somehow that he would sense my disapproval and change his life in order to gain my favor. In short, I witheld love. It was selfish, and what's more, it would never work. By withholding love from my friend, he became defensive, he didn't like me, he thought I was judgmental, snobbish, proud, and mean, Rather than being drawn to me, wanting to change, he was repulsed.
I was guilty of using love like money, withholding it to get somebody to be who I wanted them to be. I making a mess of everything. And I was disobeying God. It was clear that I was to love everybody, be delighted at everybody's exsistence, and I fallen miles short of God's aim. The power of Christian spirituality has always rested in repentence, so that's what I did. I repented. I told God I was sorry. I replaced economic metaphor, in my mind, with something different, a free gift metaphor or magnet metaphor. That is, instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on, lavishly. I knew this was the way God loved me. God had never withheld love to teach me a lesson.
After I repented, things were different, but the difference wasn't with my friend, the difference was with me. I was free to love. I didn't have to discipline anybody, I didn't have to judge anybody, I could treat everybody as though they were my best friend, as though they were rock stars or famous poets, as though they were amazing, and to me they became amazing, especially my new friend. I loved him.
Wow. I don't have to cling to justice, or that nagging need for vindication. I can love. Freely, recklessly, lavishly. God didn't send me out into this world to be his justice, and to let people know exactly what the Almightly thinks of their desicions. He sent me to love, like Jesus did, with no strings attached. I'm sure we all have a "dude person" in our lives. I know I do. But this past week, instead of glaring, rolling my eyes, and twisting my face in disdain, I let it all I go. And, you know what, he's a pretty cool dude. Love the "dude" in your life.
I just finished reading the book "Blue Like Jazz" written by Donald Miller. Great book, I highly recommend it. There was one section in that book that stuck me so poinently I had to set the book down on my bedroom floor and lay there for a moment, thinking, "wow. that's me." I could summarize that section, but then I would risk losing the power of it....so here it is, in the words of Donald Miller.
"There was this guy in my life at the time, a guy I went to church with whom I honestly didn't like. I thought he was sarcastic, lazy and manipulative, and he ate with his mouth open so that food almost fell from his chin when he talked. He began and ended every sentence with the word dude. I don't enjoy not liking people, but sometimes these things feel as if you are not in control of them. I never chose not to like the guy. It felt more like the dislike had chosen me. Regardless, I had to spend a good amount of time with him as we were working on a temporary project together. He began to get under my skin. I wanted him to change. I wanted him to read a book, memorize a poem, or explore morality, at least as an intellectual concept. I didn't know how to communicate with him that he need to change, so I displayed it on my face. I rolled my eyes. I gave him dirty looks. I would mouth the word loser when he wasn't looking. I though somehow that he would sense my disapproval and change his life in order to gain my favor. In short, I witheld love. It was selfish, and what's more, it would never work. By withholding love from my friend, he became defensive, he didn't like me, he thought I was judgmental, snobbish, proud, and mean, Rather than being drawn to me, wanting to change, he was repulsed.
I was guilty of using love like money, withholding it to get somebody to be who I wanted them to be. I making a mess of everything. And I was disobeying God. It was clear that I was to love everybody, be delighted at everybody's exsistence, and I fallen miles short of God's aim. The power of Christian spirituality has always rested in repentence, so that's what I did. I repented. I told God I was sorry. I replaced economic metaphor, in my mind, with something different, a free gift metaphor or magnet metaphor. That is, instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on, lavishly. I knew this was the way God loved me. God had never withheld love to teach me a lesson.
After I repented, things were different, but the difference wasn't with my friend, the difference was with me. I was free to love. I didn't have to discipline anybody, I didn't have to judge anybody, I could treat everybody as though they were my best friend, as though they were rock stars or famous poets, as though they were amazing, and to me they became amazing, especially my new friend. I loved him.
Wow. I don't have to cling to justice, or that nagging need for vindication. I can love. Freely, recklessly, lavishly. God didn't send me out into this world to be his justice, and to let people know exactly what the Almightly thinks of their desicions. He sent me to love, like Jesus did, with no strings attached. I'm sure we all have a "dude person" in our lives. I know I do. But this past week, instead of glaring, rolling my eyes, and twisting my face in disdain, I let it all I go. And, you know what, he's a pretty cool dude. Love the "dude" in your life.
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