...So she bought me a scarf.

I'm once again back at Providence College for a second semester. I can already sense how remarkably different this semester is. Everything seems different. I'm not going to lie, I think this semester will be exteremly hard. Not in terms of academics, in fact, I think my studies will be easier this semester than last. But emotionally and spiritually, this will be a hard semester. The odd part of it is, I don't think any of my outside circumstances have changed, it's something inside of me that is changed. I don't know what's changed, but something has.

I had a really bad week. I feel so frustrated with myself. Mostly, with how I relate to people. I'm a sarcastic person, but I think a couple of my comments have been over the line this week. I'm so angry at myself for saying those things. I fear I may have alienated one of the very few guy friends I have here at school.

I watched a movie with some friends tonight. I felt really socially awkward. There was a guy there whom I deeply repect, and I didn't feel good enough to be his friend. I fear losing his respect.

I also don't pretend to understand guys. All hope to understand them has been vanquished over the years. But why a guy would say things he doesn't mean boggles me. I suppose girls do it too. But insincerity makes me cry. I see words not matching actions. I see promises not being kept. I see secrets not being kept.

My friend Bethany felt bad about my week so she bought me a scarf.

The Easy Choice or the Right Choice?

The end of another year is approaching, and the relative "unknowness" of 2006 looms in the future. I was at my Grandparent's house the last few days, and because they live in the middle of absolute nowhere I had the chance to catch up on some of my reading. For some reason, I felt compelled to read a book I've had for a couple of years but hadn't read through in a long while. It's another one those Christian purity books. And I don't mean that in a flippant way, I think purity of mind and body is an important issue for young Christians and our generation.

As I read though it, I was struck with a harsh reality. Many of the bad decisions that the book warned against, I've made. So many of the promises I made to myself have fallen by the wayside. This year is not one that I will look back on and think, "gee, I made a lot of wise, godly decisions this year." And oh, how I regret it. I made the easy choices.

For me, the foolish decisions always seem to be the easy ones. The ones where I don't think. It's easy to do the wrong thing, it's hard to do the right thing. It always seems that way, why can't the right choice be easy for me? The closer I look at the year 2005, I'm almost glad I made some easy choices. Don't misunderstand me, I really really wish I had done the right thing. But now that I have made some easy choices, I feel like I have a better understanding of what sin is.

All too often, I feel, in Christian circles we portray sin and obvious, and easy to spot. But the truth of it that sin is sometimes disguised. It wears a pretty mask. Sin rarely seems wrong to us. And this year, I was too niave of a Christian to see that. This didn't look like sin. But now that I've seen sin, fallen into it, and faced it's consequences, I know what it looks like, and I refuse to be decived by it again. I don't want to make the easy choices.

Friends

Since the vast majority of people who read this blog are friends from my non-college life. I thought I should introduce you all to some of the people who make my college life the greatest thing since sliced bread. And I get to show how great everyone looks in their fancy clothes. :)

Left to Right: Joanie, Bethany, Me, & Christina
All of these girls rock. All of them are crazy fun and funny. Bethany and I are alike in so many ways it's almost scary. But good scary.



Left to Right: Zach, Dan, Graham, and Clint.
These are 4 of the coolest guys I know. These fellows have charisma, humor, and gentlemanly skills. And I'm sure there are four very lucky young women out there for these guys.









Jaunita and Matt. Jaunita is my friend/RA. She's the so enthusiatic and happy all the time. She has more self-confidence than anyone I have ever met. Matt is, like me, a Communications major. He's a nice guy and super talented at communication stuff. I have made it my academic goal to give Matt a challenge. A high persuit, I know. :P



This is a picture of another Matt and Lisa...oh, and Matt's banquet date, Reese Witherspoon. Lisa is my next door neighbor here in dorm. She has a great laugh, and sings like an angel. We already decided to be roomates next year. Matt is fun fellow. And quite possible the tallest, thinnest man I have ever met. I can't think of a single person on this campus who doesn't think Matt one of the coolest people alive.


So, those are just some of my friends/Favorite people here at Providence. But now, finals week is upon me, and I fear falling behind. Blessings!

-Em

The Want

When I want something, I want it. But if I have never experienced it I'm okay with not having that thing. But when I get a tiny taste of thing that I want, suddenly I want that thing 1,000 times more than I ever did in the first place. Does anyone else ever feel that way?

-Em

Thy will be done...

Thy will be done. Thy will be done. Thy will be done? This phrase has been weighing on my heart quite often lately. To put it simply, the day I gave control of my life over to God was I day I died. There was no more Emily. Or, at least, there shouldn't be. But for the past month I have become aqutely aware of the fact that there is still an awful lot of Emily left in my life. And I hate it.

Up until I arrived at Providence I never questioned whether I was following God's will. I just assumed that I was doing what God wanted me to do. I thought that I was a good Christian, doing exactly what I supposed to do. But as each day here passes I'm becoming more and more aware of who I want to be, and how far I am from being that person now.

It's now a daily question, Am I living in God's Will for my life? I'm terrified of the idea that I'm not exactly where God wants me to be. I do believe that Providence is where he wants me. Any place that causes me to take an honest look at who I am is a place that I need to be. The question of my major is one that has been weighing on me lately. I love communications, I love my Proffessor, I love my program, and I really think that I would enjoy working in it some day. But I feel like I lack passion. I look at some of the others in my program and they have such talent, passion, and enthusiasm for the communications profession. And I don't.

When I look back on my life thus far, brief as it has been, I clearly remember the times when I felt beyond a doubt that I was following the will of God. And I feel as though God might be calling me to some sort of full-time Christian ministry. Not that any job can't be a ministry, but I mean a full-time ministry careeer. And that terrifies me.

"When the will of God crosses the will of man- somebody has to die."- Addison Leitch

-Em

I wondered Abba Father
Why did you make me?
I don't feel pretty
Not wise
Nothing lovely to see

I wondered O King most high
You who created the highest peaks
The shining stars
The raging, powerful seas
Would create such a thing as me?

I see now, Lover of my soul
You make no mistakes
I am your beautiful creation
Your beloved child
And when I was angry
You still loved me all the while

Be still, and know that I am God...

Today was a wonderful day. It was my first college snow day. I awoke this morning to find that the little white flakes that begin falling yesterday afternoon had turned into roughly a foot of snow. The fields and trees that 24 hours ago had been a drab, dead brown had been transformed into a brilliantly white panorama. And, much to my great joy, when I signed on to the the college internet network, a small notice popped up on the screen. The simple white box, with black font inside read, "Notice: Classes are cancelled today due to the storm." It felt like Christmas morning. After going around the dorm to share my joyious news with my roomate and whomever else would listen to me, I crawled back under the covers and slept for another 3 hours. The rest of the day was spent relaxing with the girls in dorm and finishing up a couple of papers.

This week had been such a stressful one. Everything was coming due, and I wasn't satisfied with how my papers were turning out. A friendship here was becoming strained. The burden of financial stress of next semester was weighing on my shoulders. I had been getting so little sleep. My horrible schedule had pushed my quiet times out of the picture, leaving me feeling spiritual dry. Late last night, while working on a paper due in 8 hours, I felt so overwhelmed by everything, I sat in the dark and cried. I resigned myself to the idea of everything falling apart and I climbed into bed for a few hours of sleep.

But God taught me a lesson through this snow day. Everything, absolutely everything, stopped for the day. Time slowed down and everything was beautiful in its pure virgin whiteness. God sent the snow and God could take it away. He is in control and reigns over all creation. And he reigns over my life. "Stop running, Emily. Stop panicing. It's going to be okay. Be still and know that I am God." God is in control, I can stop being so overwhelmed and worried. I can trust him to take care of me. The stillness of creation under the quiet white snow is like my soul under the watch of my King.

Lessons of a Six Week Freshman

College. The institute of higher learning. The place where young men and women go to expand their minds and their worlds. I have now been among these students for six weeks. And what a ride it has been. I've already been challenged and taught in ways I never imagined. Interestingly enough, most of the important lessons I didn't learn from my classes or my proffessors, but from my peers and my experiences. I thought I'd share some of my new found wisdom with you... The lessons are as follows.

If you attend a college of 400 students, assume that everything you do and say will become talked about. I don't mean this in an egotisical way. I'm not saying that my life is of the greatest importance to every member of this college. But I am learning that if you say anything positive or negative it's going to come back to bite you in the bum.

Just because everyone around is a legal adult in age, it doesn't not mean that they are fully socially developed. Since arriving at college I have never met so many socially clueless people in my life. I'm not sure if I attract such people...or if there is just a lot of them. People who seem to have no concept of what polite conversation is or personal space. It's a bit unnerving.

Roomates are a most interesting concept. I'm not sure who came up with the idea of college roomates. But it is a strange idea to be sure. Take two total strangers, who may or may not have anything in common, place them in room no bigger than my thumb, pronounce them roomates, and say "live". Cassia, my roomie, has taught me a lot about how to peacefully co-exsist with another person. Everyone has their little quirks, learn to love them.

The home that you grew up in suddenly becomes your parents house. I went home for a visit over break last week only to discover that my house of 18 years was now my parents house. I felt like a guest who was visiting. It dawned on me then that I consider Providence my home now. Wierd.

Chivalry is not dead. Since arriving at Prov, I have met some wonderful young men. Guys who actually treat a girl like a lady. Opening doors, walking her back to dorm when it's dark, pulling out her chair. It's wonderfully refreshing to see.

Nothing is more wonderful than dorm life. I'd definatly say that living in dorm has been the best experience ever. I have so many great people in my dorm. It's like one giant slumber party. The girls I live with are becoming my closest friends. And they are constant sources of wisdom about how to survive classes, guys, and how to follow God with all you have. For example, yesterday I was having a really crappy day. And 3 of girls from my dorm spontaniously prayed for me. During dinner time, surrounded by people eating and talking, they offered my problem up to God. And then they took me to a movie to cheer me up. :) I heart dorm life.

-Em

Hello from Providence!

Hey Everyone! I'm alive, and quite well. This is my first official post as a providence college student. I'll tell you all what's been going in the last week.

I arrived here last Monday with my mom and dad, both of whom were crying before we had even reached Steinbach. It was kind of a surreal experience, finally moving into dorm and all. I had a room all to myself for the first night, until the next day when my super-cool roomie Cassia moved in. She's a third year student, and finishing her final year as a drama major. We get along quite well it seems.

We did all the freshmen orientation stuff, I've met so many people in past 6 days that my brain has turned to watery lime jello. But I've met a lot of really cool people here. The thing that I find is so strikingly different from high school is the freakish absence of cliques. I haven't met a single person yet who isn't friendly and open to talking with anyone. It's pretty awesome.

I'm finally starting to feel settled. I will go on record as saying the day I arrived here was the scariest, most terrifyingly alone day of my life. But things are getting better. I'm fighting off a horrible cold, been dosing up on the vitaman C and sudafed. I started classes on Thursday. My schedule this semester includes: Intro. to Christianity, Spiritual Formation, Intro. to Communications and Media, Writing for the Marketplace, and Principles of Journalism. I think as long as I stay on top of my studies, I will be able to handle all my courses.

I'm still feeling really uncomfortable about one aspect of school. I'm trying to figure out where I fit in, my niche as it were. I'm kinda of trying to make a name for myself here at school but it's so hard. I don't want it to be the way it was in high school. Where I had only a few friends and nobody notices my exsistence...ugh. I tried out for the Prov. Players and I made the call-back audtions but then after the interview I got cut. I really thought I was going to make it, so did everyone else. I prayed really really hard that I would make it, so people could start to notice who I am...but obvisiouly it didn't. So it was kinda of a downer weekend. I was a talking to a friend about not making the Prov. Players, and she told me there was no way I wasn't good enough...but that God must have something else in mind for me. I just wish He would show me what that something is. I know I'm supposed to be here....but why?

I'll post more adventures soon!

-Emily
P.S. Old school style roller skating is a blast!

Summer Memories...

I've spent my evening packing my bags, looking over my orientation schedule, and finalizing all the details for my departure to Providence College the day after tomorrow. Just 2 days, wow. But as I look forward to school and the fall I also glance back at my summer and look at some of my favorite memories. (Thanks to Ty for the inspiration and structure style of this post.)

Watching my 11 and 12 year old campers try and sneak out of the cabin while I was still awake, when then climbed into their bunks with their clothes and shoes on...I got suspicious.

The countless times at camp when I unintentionally said something that sounded really dirty, and everyone laughed. Michelle would pat me on the head condescendingly. I would then realize what I had said...and go die of embarassment. John would later tell me it was "okay." Some of my friends now affectionately refer to such times as "Emily moments."

Listening to Michelle release her "bat laugh"

3 words: Numa Numa Song.

Asking Andrew how one makes holy water to which he responded "You boil the heck out of it."

Realizing how many times I fell for one of Marvin's stories. Wow.

Playing the "kissing game" at camp and having Tyler kiss my hand everytime. And wrestling with my boss as he tried to kiss my hand....lil' awkward.

"Primal displays of affection!"

Having a pudgy nine year old camper of mine dancing in the cabin, singing, "I like to move it move it."

Going swimming at Midnight.

Watching Sammy drive Marvin's boat while singing "In the navy"

Having Matt Sharpe, (the planet's coolest camp speaker) show me how to write a devotional and talking and praying with me.

Giving a talk in front of the whole church and not passing out.

Seeing my awesome friend Lyssa paint an amazing mural in just 9 hours. Insanity.

Having Lauren live with me for 3 days, and going to see Lindsay get married. Lauren and I sticking our feet out the van window, and put on make-up while driving to Warroad. That week was so fun.

John quote: "People like him are goldfish, Emily, we just flush 'em away."

Having my little sister as a fellow counselor, a camper in my cabin, and a fellow camper all in one summer.

Lying out in north field making wishes on shooting stars with Andrew and Michelle.

Meeting Toni McQuown, and realizing that all the of the McQuowns officially rock my face off.

Hearing Toni talk about wanting to put baby Kylee's stroller on "Pimp my Ride."

Counselor Meetings were some of the best times in my life.

The time I accidentally punched Andrew in the nose. I was then motrified and apologized profusely. He laughed and told me I had a good hit.

When Jake and Mike (2 of my campers) hitch-hiked while in my care. I smell a lawsuit.

These are not all of my cool memories...and I will post more of them soon.

Viva' La Summer! -Emily

Do something about it.

I had the day off from work yesterday and so I ended up spending much of my evening watching the news coverage of Hurricane Katrina. I have never seen such devastation. It was so heart-breaking. Pictures of dead bodies lying on the sidewalk. One body of an old man in a wheelchair somebody had thrown a blanket over, in his hand was clutched a scrawled note of where to find his next of kin. It was so painful to watch. I want to buy a plane ticket, cases and cases of water, and go do something. I felt guilty going to my fridge and grabbing a bottle of water, when baby were dying of dehydration. But sitting there, something occured to me.

Who was bringing me this story? Who was showing all of America what was really happening and speaking for the poor, the ill, and the dying, and saying "look this is happening!People are dying! Donate, pray, do something!" It was the newscasters. And I really thought to myself. That's what I want to do. I want to go to the natural disasters, to the war zones, to the famines. And say to the nations "see this? We must to something!" I want to cover that. I want to show that to the governments, to the people and help. I knew that I wanted to do something in communications and media...(thus my college major). So that's my idea, to show the comfortable, complacent, people sitting in their livingrooms what's really happeining. And hopefully motivate them to get up, and do something about it.

-Em

Saying Goodbye...

The college countdown is officially now at 13 short days. Wow. My pre-freshman jitters keep me awake at night. I'm doing my best not to worry, but my history as the world's biggest worrywort still catches up with me at times. My emotions are a mixture of crazy excitement, like the adrenaline you get before going on stage on opening night, and insane fear, like that sickening dropping feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are falling from an unsafe height.

I've been saying goodbye to a lot of people in last couple weeks. My brother hugged me goodbye last week as he prepared to return to college and his apartment and told me to have fun at school and "if I ever need protection or anything...you know where to find me." I certainly do. I said good luck and goodbye to Eric and Michelle as they bravely return to their sophmore year at Northwestern. And Scot left for PCC yesterday. We exchanged hugs and "good lucks" in church. My youth pastor, his wife, and darling daughter had their last sunday at my church. They're off to Steinback to start a new job at a new church. I can't believe how many people are leaving, and how much everything is changing.

I went to see my grandparents this weekend. They offered me sage wisdom about college...in between my Grandpa's World War II stories. Grandma hugged me, and warned me to "lock my doors at night, and make sure you dress warm when it get's cold." My grandpa shook my hand and said " Don't show them how smart you are right away, you've gotta sneak up on those professors. And make an impression on those folks." I assured him that I would.

"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."- C.S. Lewis

The great adventure...

Hey All, I have the house to myself this evening. Just me and my fab new laptop computer so I thought I'd share the thoughts on my mind. There hasn't really been much going on in my life lately, I've been getting ready to head off to college. My room is an explosion of office supplies, towels, and suitcases.. I believe I've gotten everything I need, so I now I must play the waiting game. I get more and more excited as the day approaches, but I'm also scared out of my wits. I try not to think about all the things that could go wrong. All the things that I may not b able to handle...but my brain is trouble. I have a feeling that this year will be the most terrifying, frightening, amazing, wonderful year of my life.

I think of the apostle Peter, he knew where Jesus was asking him to go, and he knew full well everything that he was leaving behind. But he went, trusting that God would take care of him. I know that God is calling me to Providence..but I'm scared. Jumping in with both feet is the only option. This is my life now, as my mom told me on my 18th. birthday I no longer have to answer to her, I answer to God directly. I don't want to answer God by saying, "Sorry Lord, I'm scared. I'm going to stay in Roseau in my comfort zone, I don't care if I know what you want from me. I too scared.

God took Peter on one of the greatest adventures in history. He lead him some of the most terrifying and wonderful experiences ever. And I trust that the same God who did that who did that for Peter has some amazing plans for me. Let the adventure begin...

-Em

Wish You Were Here.

I miss you. I find it strange that I could miss someone so much when I have never met them. I really wish I could see you, meet you, and fall in love with you. It's been a long summer, watching friends get married, seeing Scott with his girlfriend, and even Cierra has a boyfriend now. I feel rather alone at times. I was out looking at the stars the other night, and I wished you were there looking at God's amazing creation with me. I wonder what you are doing right now, what you look like, and if you ever think of me. I worked at camp this summer with some really great brothers in Christ, I think of how blessed their future wives are going to be. And how it's going to take a pretty special girl to win their heart.
I hope I turn your heart, and not your head. I hope that God will bring you into my life soon. I see so many of my friends falling in love with men who don't love Christ. It breaks my heart to see that, but I know that You love Christ. I want you to love Him more than you love me. And I mean that, I know that anyone who can love and obey an almighty God that he can't even see will encourage me to love Him all the more. So, wherever you are tonight, I want you to know I miss you and I pray for you. And I look forward to the day that I see your smile. I wish you were here.

Love in Christ, Emily

My Summer. Awful...Wonderful

So my summer is coming to a close. I have finished all my ministry work for the summer. I move into my dorm in a mere 28 days. In many ways this has been the best summer of my life.
I had the crappiest spring of my life. Everything in my life went wrong. I would sleep for hours and hours because I d being awake, because when I was awake I thought about all this painful stuff. And then summer came. I really encoutered God this summer. I finally feel very secure in my relationship with Him. I really know that I am totally commited to him and his service. Do I still screw up? Every single day. Am I anywhere near where I want to be in my relationship with him? No. But this journey is only beginning, I want to fall in love with the lover of my soul.
Included in my crappy spring were some pretty dumb choices of mine, including an emotional attachment to a guy who didn't give a crap about me. I won't bother you all with the foolish details, but I got hurt. More hurt than any of my guys whims in the past. I got so angry at guys in general. If he didn't want me, who would? All guys only care about themselves. I'd lost hope that real men exsisted. But it was through the guys at camp this year that God showed me otherwise. My "boss" Troy in the way he treats his wife and kids is like Christ. He's wise, patient, and understanding. He didn't kiss his wife until his wedding. I'd never met a guy willing to make that kind of commitment.
In particular, my friend John, (who is dating my dearest Lauren Elizabeth :) ) really restored my faith in the male gender. He's a total gentleman and he treats Lauren so wonderfully. He is persuing God whole-heartedly and he is my age. I'd never met somebody my age who has that kind of attitude. Guys like Ty, Troy, and John are harder to find...but the fact that they exsist is a wonderful feeling. :)
I really realized this summer how much I love camp. Not just LBBBC, but just the camp atmosphere in general. At this point in my life, I really feel God's leading to work full-time in camp ministry. So that is my plan for next summer. Hopefully, I'll learn as many important things next summer, as I did this summer.

-Em

Legal Adult

Yesterday was my eighteenth birthday. In the eyes of the government I can now vote, smoke, gamble, and go to war. I can get married without parental consent and sign all my own official forms. I find that rather crazy. One day you have very limited rights and 24 hours later you are an adult. Wierd. It was a nice birthday, I watched movies with Leah Lou and Lyssa and ate cake. Mmmmm.

This past weekend was a dear friend of mine, Lindsey's, wedding. She was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. White dress, and the biggest smile on her face. During the ceremony she couldn't keep her eyes off of her husband. She had told me the night before that "when the right one comes along you'll just know."

Maybe this year will be the year I meet "the right one." I'm not usually too bothered by my singlehood. But lately that wishing seems to be more aqute. Ever since graduation I've had so many people ask me if I have a boyfriend. When I respond with no, they give me a look of pity. Camp has always made the single thing harder. Simply because I'm spending weeks in the company of good christian guys it makes me wish I had a guy like them to spend lots of time with. And you have that camp relationship thing happening too. My dearest friend Lauren is dating a fellow counselor John....(they're stinking adorable together.) Michelle has a nifty boyfriend whom she tells me romantic stories about. James is dating a girl I have known since I was like 5 years old. It's hard. It's hard typing about this when my little sister is sitting on the couch with her boyfriend 3 feet away.

This came out really depressing. But I believe he's out there. And I'll find him....until then, I like who I am.

-Em

Definition: Jesus

Hey All, I know it's been a very long time since I last posted but I have insanely busy with camp work and a mission trip. Which is the topic of this post. The mission trip that changed my life and my perspective in ways I never dreamed possible. God is such an amazing God. So I thought I'd share with all of you the way He changed everything for me on my mission trip to International Falls, MN. (Yes, God can still do cool stuff even in I. Falls)

First off, I should say that this past spring I really fell away from God. I made a lot of mistakes, none of which I'm proud of, all of which I regret. I wasn't living to please my Savior, my wants became my greatest persuit. And when I finally did reach the point of regret over my actions, I felt so much shame and guilt over what I had done that I couldn't bring myself to come back to God. Everytime I sat down to read my bible, to pray, or tried to spend time with my Christian friends, that little voice in my head would say "What do think you're doing? Stop faking. You don't belong to this group anymore. What would happen if they knew who you really are? You're a failure to God, admit it." The shame was killing me. And so I promised myself that I would spend this whole summer in Christian ministry paying Him back, making up for lost time, and trying to earn His favor back. (Yeah, I know, greeeeeat idea, huh?)

And so our mission trip began. The first night's devotional was about seeing Jesus and looking to see how he was working in the community. I sensed God saying to me "You're so busy looking at your past, and beating yourself up over this spring, that you can't see me working." Naturally, this thought troubled me greatly. So talked to a wise friend of mine about this thought. He encouraged me to confess each mistake before another christian and pray over the past and seek God's healing for my past.

That's what I did the next night. I can safely say that confessing was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I cried. (Then again, I cry at pretty much everything.) My friends forgave and prayed for me. It was really incredible.

The next day God totally changed my outlook. Someone made a statement that reminded me of one of my mistakes, and instead of the feelings of shame, guilt, and the over-whelming desire to puke. I felt forgiven. It was gone, all of it, the pain, the remorse, all of it. Gone! Okay,here's the big revelation:

I am not defined by what I do or have done, rather I am defined by what Jesus did. When God looks at me he doesn't see my past, the crappy choices. He sees his Son standing in front of me. And that's all He needs. And that is all I will ever need.

-Em

Ch-ch-changes.

It's funny how much my world is changing lately. And for once, these changes don't scare me. They excite me. Today, I fully realized how much my life is going to change over the summer and this coming fall. How do I know this? By seeing how much the lives of my friends are growing and changing...

Today I got a call from the head of admissions department at Providence college. For those of you who may be unaware, that is the college that I am heading off to in the fall. She was returning my mother's call about loan papers. But since my mother was not home we just talked about the school, the new things that are happening there, my summer, and my coming there in the fall. It made me excited and eager to start my freshman year of college. I'm a freshman. Holy crap.

My buddy Tyler, the guy I've known since I was like 5, is a youth pastor now. I saw him with some of his youth group the other night, and it was kind of a surreal feeling. He's great with youth , and he has wanted to be a youth pastor for quite some time. But to see him living his dream, is very happy, and exciting.

Today in the mail, I got a invite to my friend Lindsey's bridal shower. Her wedding is next month. A friend of MINE is getting married. She's just a year older than me. I had AP English
with her fiance 2 years ago. And now she's getting married. It occured to me that there is a very real possibility that I could be getting married in the not-so-distant future. Not that I have any prospects but, I'm all grown up. I'm excited for Lindsey and Luke.

My little Laura Lou has a boy. We used to sing stupid songs and have burping contests in Jr High. And now she has a boy. Gosh, when did we grow up? When did Laura and I get old?

Tomorrow, I'm going to a "going away party" of sorts for my friend Adam. Where is he going? Iraq. He's finished his marine training and is now a semper fi. And he's leaving for Fallujah. My old friend Shawn is over there right now. People who are my age. Guys I knew in High School are going to war for my country. That astounds me.

My youth pastor said something to me today that really caught me off guard. He said "between you and me, adult-to-adult" Adult to adult? I'm an adult. He doesn't see me as the little sophmore that I was when he came here 3 years ago. And I guess he shouldn't. But I have a hard time seeing myself as such. But for the first time since my senior year started, I'm not afraid of that anymore. I'm ready. I'm excited.

-Em

Summer has officially arrived...

Hello Blog. I'm sorry I haven't written in so long. But I'm back...ta-da

I've now been in the world of blogging for one year. I looked back over my posts and it's been an exciting year. One of triumphs and regrets. blah, blah, blah.

I'm now a High School graduate! It's so wonderful to be done with school. I had my party and ceremony on Saturday. It' went quite well. I had fun, but I got blisters from the shoes of satan that my sister insisted I wear, and cheek cramps from smiling at people I haven't seen since 3rd grade. But I enjoyed graduating...and sleeping in.

I went to Warroad last night. I love that town. So many nice people in that town. My sister's posse is full of such nice boys. All boys....she's got skills. Feminine mystique. :)

I guess I'm going to a party tonight. So I'll get to see a bunch of my favorite people from bible camp. I'm very exicted.

But I need to go do some laundry- Em

Fathers, be good to your daughters...

Hello All.

So tonight was my last youth group of High School. It was really sad. They had a prayer time for all us seniors. It was fun...but hard to say goodbye. Afterward, one of the little Jr. High s came up to me and hugged me and told me how much she's gonna miss me. I can't believe I really have to grow up. Wow, the world is now my destiny. I'm gonna go out there and start hood. I feel so small. So not ready for hood...but I wanna try. I want to grow up, get married, have some kids and love life.

Which brings me to my next conclusion. My youth pastor's wife had his baby. The most adorable angel of a child I have ever seen. Eden Kaziah. She's perfect...me and Leah Lou snuck into the hospital to see her. She's sooooo perfect. And when I held that tiny, warm, soft baby, I knew...that was it. I can kid myself all I want. I can say I don't want it, but I wanna be a mom. That's all. I don't wanna be a writer or a teacher or an actress. I wanna be a mom. I wanna hold my own little angel in my arms. I want my mom to sit beside me and teach me about caring for a newborn. I want a nice guy to tell me I'm a great mom and hold our little . That's all I want. A baby. My baby. And someday...someday, I'm gonna have that. I know it.

-Em

Old Poem

And I can't forget you
Or maybe it's that I won't forget you
As hard I try
I still see you
Still hear your voice
Still sit by the phone waiting for you to call
I still talk about you as if you were mine
Then someone asks "Are you back together?"
And I remember all over again
"No, were still broken up."
But you're still you
And I'm still me
Still you're wonderful
And, I, silly little foolish thing that I am
Still love you

I hate snow.

I came to a conclusion today. And I felt you all would be thrilled to bits and pieces if I shared it with you.

First off, I'm an idealist. Many people over the years have told me that. I see things how I know they should be. What is fair and good. And I tend to get upset when they don't turn out that way. I'm definately a happy ending kind of girl. Every story I wrote for my Creative Writing class had a happy ending. I'm sickening that way.

But today, something happened that was less than my ideal. I had, in my mind, how I knew the situation should turn out. Or at least how I wanted it to. But the situation took a rather cruel and ironic turn. And I had to just let go of my ideal and watch the event unfold.

Now, at first I was really upset about this. It wasn't fair! This wasn't how it was supposed to work out! But then it occured to me that some of lifes greatest joys come out of things that "weren't supposed to be that way" Like a girl gets pregnant in high school...it really stinks...but a new and wonderful life comes out of it. Or a school shooting occurs, yes, it's terrible and tragic, but things change in our schools to keep such events from happening again. Life isn't fair, I know, but I think something good just might come out of this crappy happening right now. And if it doesn't...I'll eat a pound of chocolates. :D

=Em

Life is funny...

Oh my! It's been ages since I have been on blogger! But I have returned for a brief update on my life...as much as I doubt that anyone reads this.

Life is funny. And I don't mean funny in a ha-ha way, (hehe,funny? ;)) I mean funny in an ironic way. Like when you meet somebody briefly and think that moment will have no consequence on you life, only to discover later that later that person would change everything for you. Or when you completely write somebody off with a label, you know, jock, jerk, loser, only to later find out how wrong you were. Sometimes these little moments make you laugh...and other times they make you bury your face in a pillow and cry until you can wring out your pillow. Wow, life is funny.

-Em

Help me Rhonda...Help help me Rhonda.

Hullo All. Well, it's officially Easter break here in Roseau. I have no school for 4 glorious days! However, I do have the mother of all media projects coming up shortly in Mass Communications class. So I have to do some taping and I have a speech due when I get back. But I think I can just wing that...or I hope I can.

My friends are coming home from college for Easter! YAY! Eric, Ty, and Ryan are all coming home.Hopefully, I'll get to see them. I suppose next year it will be coming home to see friends and family. Crazy. At least, I hope it will. For the record, the college application/payment/major choice process bites monkeys.

I hate it with a burning passion. I confess that my dream college would be Northwestern to get my communications or elementary education degree. The problem? I'm about 25,000 dollars short of cost of tuition. Gah. My parents would love me to work full time for year before college or commute to the local community college. I would rather pull out my toenails with a rusty pliers. I want to be like everyone else and go away to college right out of highschool and a college I want to go to. Which means I need a full-time job this summer. Somewhere where I won't kill myslef or the other employees. But I have things that are very important for me to do this summer. Church stuff and some volunteer work. Ugh, I just don't knowwhat to do. I'm poor and I want an education.

I envy those have parents who can pay for their schooling. Gosh, I can't imagine what it would be like to just pick any school you wanted. Ah, to be so lucky!

Now don't think my life is terrible, things are going fairly well. Life always has it little hicups. But I really believe that it's all gonna work out in the end, somehow.

I love to laugh so hard I cry, Em

Oofda.

Oh, my dear sweet blog, please forgive my absense! I'm back to fill you with thoughts, feelings, and insights! So...yeah.

Wow, so much to say! Today was our last speech meet of the regular season. We have sub-sections in 2 weeks. Scary. It was good meet. We went to Oklee...it smells funny in the school. The rams took first place. Yay. I, myself, took a first and a second. Grrr. Andy Swenson, I'll get you yet. It's a good thing that Andy a nice guy...and warm. ;)

The happiest part of the meet was I got to see my lovely Lauren! I haven't seen her since Christmas and she came to watch the meet. Yayness. She's wonderful, of course, and seems very happy. :)

I came to an odd realization this week. We all grow up so fast. Events this week have caused me to think "wow, when did that happen? Wasn't she in elementary school last week?" And you just don't notice those kind of things until that odd moment of realization. Too busy, I guess. But it's true. Somewhere in all the rush and hurry and day-to-day activities we grow older. Time waits for no man, and it certainly doesn't wait for my comfort level.

My catholic hut is now shared by Kari and Laura. If you don't understand, don't ask. I heart Kari and Laura. We played "big booty" on the bus ride home today. I think the bus driver wanted to kill us. Ha. So Life is good, friends are great, and I wanna go to my little London flat.

* He loves her definately..maybe. *

-Em

Mmmm...obsene amounts of medication.

Greetings m'dear Olivia. Time for another update on my reality.

It's saturday morning. I had a speech meet today in East Grand Forks but due to a rather poorly timed illness I was unable to attend. Drat it all. I've seemed to have developed a lust for ribbons and medals. I feel really dumbly prideful for saying that..but it's true. We have only one more invitationl left...and then we begin the long road to state competition. I'm starting to get paranoid that something really horrible will happen and keep me from competing and I can kiss any chance of state goodbye. Oh well, easy come-easy go I guess.

I survived choir tour 2005. It wasn't quite as miserable as I expected. I actually had some fun. I made converstaion with some popular people, toured a really nifty art museum, and finally taught myself to play the "cup game". Haha

And, for the record, I'm not dating anyone...contrary to a rather odd rumor.

Later Knaves, Em

And you, stop looking at me like an idiot.

Hello all. I figured it was time for another update on the news on Planet Emily.

It is my last day of my spring break. It was a good break, although not very productive. I didn't do any of the homework I was assigned. Woops. I was sick for most of the break, but I seem to be on the mend. I has a speech meet in Newfolden on Saturday. It went really awesome. The "mighty" rams took first place with 85 speaker points. And I myself did quite well. I took 2nd. place in all three of my catagories. And I beat my rival, Andy....oooo, vindication is a good good feeling. We only have 2 practice meets left. This season has simply flown by! I'm now in Sub-section preparation mode. Which includes deciding which catagory I want to compete in. I want to make it state this year soooooo badly! And as my dear coach reminded me, "It's up to you Emily, which catagory you want to comepete in, but just remember, if you choose the wrong one, you won't ever go to state." Gag.

It was the state hockey tourneyment this weekend. The fabulous Warriors won. It was quite happy. I'm a Warroad fan. Although, that probably seals my fate as a freak in Roseau. :P

I'm leaving on Choir tour in t-minus 12 hours and counting. We are going to Duluth this year. I probably should more excited, but, in truth, it means I have to spend 3 days with some people who I really can't stand. But we're going SHOPPING! At a MALL! I haven't been to a mall in soooo long. I wanna find a really cute dress for graduation.

Ugh. Graduation. Less than 3 months away. It was creepy, I heard my youth pastor talking to somebody about graduation and he mentioned my name. It doesn't seem real. I can't imagine not heading back to high school this fall. I sent my application into Providence this week. (finally!)...so once my reference letters come in, I should be, hopefully, recieving an accpectance letter in the mail. But I must away to packing!

Here goes nothing!- Em

If you give a mouse a cookie....

Greetings to all you lovely people. I realized how long it's been since I last posted...and the guilt insued. Ha.

So my life is going quite fabulous lately. It's March first today, which means I have less than 3 months of high school left. GLORY! I'm ready. I'm really ready. I have to get out there and start life. I love Roseau, well, some of it, but I wanna try something new. Like college. And with you all as my witnesses I promise to send my application this weekend.

I'm working on my summer plans. Which, thanks to the cost of higher education, must include a job. I may be working at a desk job on weekends soon...pray that it works out. I'm going on a mission trip this summer to International Falls, going to Bluewater, and to LBBBC as much as possible. I'm hoping to hone my skills as a camp counselor. I want to get a full time job doing that after my freshman year.

I talked to my lovely Lauren last night. I can't remember the last time I had such a lovely chat. She's so calm and rational and sane...in the midst of my insanity. Which is good. :) well, my English project calls.

I love life, life loves me, Em

Perpetual Motion...

Hello all. It's about 10:30 on a Saturday night and my blog seems to be collecting dust. So I thought I'd give you an update on the the world 'o Emily.

I had a speech meet today in Detriot Lakes. We had to leave at 5 in the stinkin' morning. I didn't enjoy that. I find it nearly impossible to sleep on a bus. icck. But I faired alright at the meet, taking home two 4th place finishes. It was a fun meet, got to see my new pal Katie from EGF. And go head-to-head with my toughest competition. Tim Shaley...You're going down. Ha, no, just kidding. He's really really good at his catagories, which are, conincidentally, mine as well. :P

I really exhausted from the long day, but I'm sitting here waiting for the bane of my exsistence to communicate with me. Ugh. I didn't think it was possible to depise and enjoy the company of one so much. But enough of this....

I forsee a good productive week on the horizon. It's a short week at school. A half-day Thursday and no school Friday. I plan to finish some college apps and send them in. I'm also giving blood at the NHS's annual blood drive. I'm a bit creeped out about the idea..but really would like to give it a shot. I'm some sort of rare blood type...or so my mother tells me.

I miss...... -Em

That's life...and this is Walgreens.

Howdy world. How do you fair? I'm fairing well currently. Nothing amazing wonderful or horribly bad has happened. So, me, I'm good. I've been keeping busy with schoolwork and speech and friends and all that good stuff. I gave a speech today...It went well. And, for the record, Leah Lou, Mrs. Olsen "adores you!" (I'll explain later) I went to a Warroad vs. Roseau basketball game last night. It was some of the crappiest sportsmanship I have ever my school exhibit. We were poor winners. I favored and offered my condolences to the Warriors. Yay for closet Warrior fans, like Cierra and Kalicia. And the most fab part was I gotta to see my compadres Megan and James, who I miss like crazy! For only living 20 miles from them it's surprising how rarely I see them. It was much fun!

So currently, I'm contemplating my perspective on the dating scene. I have been declared able to date by my parents for a while now. But I'm not ready for one of those "serious ring on the finger" relationships. So...what's wrong with a not so serious just have a little fun and enjoy life kinda relationship? Is there something wrong with that? I don't think so. But in my circle it is frowned upon. Why? I just wanna have some fun and enjoy life. I'm not being flippant or rebellious or anything but I wanna have fun! Might as well enjoy life, right? Do tell me if I'm wrong.
Girls just a'wanna have fun, Em

Valentines Day...

Today is Valentines Day. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong. I love Valentines Day. I think it's great that the whole country sets aside a 24 hour period to remind that special somebody just how much they care. It's a great holiday...if you have some to celebrate it with. But for those of us who are lacking in the signifigant other department...this holiday seems to serve as a reminder of that very fact.

Every February 14th I secretly ponder what it would be like to recieve a big bunch of red roses. Or a mushy card in the mail. I hope there is a note from a secret admirer slipped inside my locker. But I think this year shall pass like all the others. I'm not pouty or terrible upset. I have hope for many more special Valentine's Days to come. Hope for the exsistence of that special somebody. Hope for romantic love. And that first kiss that makes the whole world vanish around me.

Hopefully Yours, Emily

My last season...

So we had our first official speech meet in Warroad yesterday. It went quite fabulous with Roseau taking home the first place trophy. It wasn't a big meet. There were only 7 or so teams attending. But it was good to know that even if the Rams have been slaughtered in every other sport this year our speech team still carries some weight amongst our competition.

I did alright for a first meet. I took 3rd. in prose and 1st. in drama. But it was bittersweet, as this will be my last season. Speech has always been a favorite part of the winter months. In Roseau I don't meet a lot of people who enjoy the same things I do. (acting and public speaking) But at speech meets I not only meet people who can actually deliver a speech but are good at it! And they enjoy doing it! People who challenge my ability and make me work hard to improve. I've made some lovely friends in speech. You get a chance to talk to your competitors instead of just body-checking them against the boards.

And...as our coach loves to remind us..."At your first job interview they won't ask you how many goals you scored, how many pucks you shot, or even what instrument you played but they will notice your speaking ability or lack thereof."
Eat that hockey players. :P

-Em

Egak!

Hullo all. It's a new month so I thought I should write a post. That and I got up early for no apparent reason so I thought I should make good use of my time.
Time. I wish I had more of it. It's been what I consider a killer week at school. 1 major paper. 2 unit tests. 2 outlines. 3 speeches (granted 2 of those are for the speech team). 1 interview for the school paper. All due this week. Yuck. I deduced that I could probably survive the week if I cut out sleeping...I haven't been very sucessful at that. I slept for almost 9 hours last night. And I still feel deprived.
Our first meet of the speech season is this Saturday in Warroad. Thankfully, it's a short bus ride. We don't leave until 8:00....ahhhh...bliss. I am still getting my speeches to the level where they are presentable. I finally got one of them down to the proper time limit. I'm at 7 minutes and 30 seconds exactly. That is absolutly perfect. It gives me some lee way if I should screw up and add seconds to my time. On the other hand, my second speech timed out at 8 minutes and 15 seconds. So I have to cut...again. gag. I realized that with double entering I will be speaking 6 times a meet. I suppose I knew that before. But it just hit me. That is a lot of speaking!
I went and watched the One Act Play sub-sections last Saturday. It was excellent. The fabulous deserving Warroad cast took 1st. place by a mile. yayness. I never thought I'd be so happy to see Warroad win something. But their cast is full of wonderful-nice people. One of their cast said they'd dedicate their win to Roseau. Haha. After they finished their time on stage our cast cheered at the top of our lungs. How ironic. Roseau and Warroad, friends? Naw, it couldn't be. ;)
Well, that is my life at the current moment. I sure reading this has brought joy to your life and health and prosperity to you and your household. :P
-Em

Word Association...

Let's play a game, shall we? It's called word association. Human beings, including myself, attach certain words or sights or smells or whatever to other certain experiences. It's part of the law of cuase and effect.

Church meeting: Negative conotation. I think of people leaving. At the slightest sign of a church conflict, yes, Christians are human too, we have conflict, I get quesy in the stomach. I think of people leaving and never coming back. And then meeting new people and having to learn to trust all over again....

Marijuana smell: Yes, I do know what it smells like. Not because I smoke it, I have never done so. But when the whole sophomore hallway smells like marijuana and body spray...one learns the scent. The smell makes me retch. I attach it to bad feelings...bars...and stinky kids who don't seem to have anything behind their eyes.

Tower: I think of summer and LBBBC. It reminds me of flashlights and shoes and humid nights and the way Tara laughs. Happy memories

Democrat: Mike. I doubt he was as hardcore democrat as he claimed..but he was more vocal that most. The word reminds me of a cold classroom and falling asleep on my textbook and not knowing how to say what my head is picturing so clearly.

This concludes tonight's round of Word Association. Anyone out there in blogger land care to play a round? Post...then link it to me.

*muwah* Em

Hockey Town, MN

Congratulations to me. I went to my very first hockey game last night. I felt so Roseau-ish being there. We played our arch rival the Warroad Warriors. We were defeated. 3-1. But I really think I finally understand the appeal of this whole hockey business.

It's not a matter of great skill or talent or watching promising young professional hopefuls. It's a matter of tradition. In this great big changing world of ours, in the midst of golbal conflict, kids killing eachother and cancer destroying lives, hockey, for Roseau, is something that remains steadfast as the rising of the son. It's something that everyone can take part in. There are the little babies wrapped up in snowsuits sleeping in their mother's arms. There are the elementary schoolers having Boy Vs. Girl tagging wars in the bleachers. The Little boys out on the ice moving the net for the zamboni sweep, thinking about the day when they will play out on the ice. The Jr. Highers who are prepping for their future as the glorious players. The band still plays the same songs they have played for years. The Varsity players skating unto the ice to the cheers of the crowd. Proud parents sit in the bleachers thinking about how all those years of practice and endless sharpening of skates have finally paid off. The Grandma's and Grandpa's who reminse about their times on the ice and dream of even more state championships. Everyone put on their Roseau apparel and screams at the top of their lungs. It's about a rivalship between two towns that is as strong today as it was 50 years ago.
It's not about the game or the outcome. It's about something that has stayed the same from generation to generation. Maybe I like this whole Hockey things. Maybe my kids will play it someday. And maybe I'll watch my son make that game winning goal. Maybe the Mighty Rams are just that, not because they win games but because they have kept this tradition alive for generations.
-Em

And the beat goes on...

Sorry to all my loyal fans for not posting sooner. Everything has been so crazy. I will try and update you on life as it as I type.

Our One Act play has officially come to a close. It was a sad moment. I will never be in another one act play. And we were totally screwed over. We lost to a hilarious comedy about the concept of wating and a poorly acted play about incest. I'm bitter about the later of the two. I guess that's the way life goes sometimes. For every "first" there will be a "last."

Gossip seems to becoming a bigger and bigger problem in my circle. I afear all this gossip will come to head shortly. As I type, a note in my pocket feels like it is burning. All the words of lies not spoken yet believed. I just wish to fix the situation. I may make an attempt. Cross your fingers that things don't explode in my face.

My sister is the in the midst of adolescent affection and anguish. And I'd like to say that I, playing the wise older sister role, have given her sound words as to how to sort out said emotions. But I could not. I am in the midst of my own confusion. Attraction is such an odd thing. The heart want what the heart wants. My logic seems to have taken a vacation...or perhaps an aphrodisiac. haha. I find myself thinking of this fellow at odd times. Only to force myself to kill the wandering thoughts in hopes of erecting a wall high enough to keep my messy feelings from landing on this innocent guy. Splat.

I'm feeling poetic. Hamlet overdose. Test on act one.

-Em

Reality.

I really dislike returning to my life here in Roseau. I went to Trout Lake this weekend and had a great time. But all the things I had sorted out in my mind, all the problems I had hypothetically solved, everything that made more sense...no longer does. I forget how things are in my life. And I still have to deal with things that I did before the weekend. It all seemed so clear in the quiet of the Trout Lake, away from the hustle and bustle, with friends and a constant source of spiritual food. The problems are still as looming as ever...everything has gotten confusing again. I need...an intervention.

-Em

In the library...

I'm sitting in the library at school. I'm not really doing much of anything right now. It's was the guy's day to sing in Choir and so, I ended up here. Today has been a fairly good day. I leave for Trout Lake Camp for the weekend in T-minus 3 hours and 5 minutes. Joy. I'm actually slightly excited, I'm trying to get more and more excited but...I don't know. I've felt just blah lately. I what things to be shaken up a bit, for excitement to course throught my veins. But I fall into the seemingly enternal-ness of January. Maybe I need more sunlight, medicals journals say that sun is good for you. Hopefully, I can spend some time outdoors this weekend. Basking in the the sun...and the cold.
Speaking of cold...it's freaking cold out. It was -45 below zero when I left for the school this morning. I reached for my car door handle without my glove on. My hand was burning for 15 minutes after. I intend to spend lots of time in my cabin this weekend. But the bell is going to ring shortly...later brave new world.


Something big just has to happen...Em

All I want is your beautiful soul

Why hullo there Olivia. Olivia. I just can't get used to this blog having name. It's like it's my alter-ego or something. Does it have a birthday? Should I buy it clothes?

I've been so busy. I feel like everything has attacked me at once. Speech. One Act. Weekend away. End of quarter. Rumors. Speaking of rumors...I'm sick of it! People keep talking about me behind my back. And if certain people would take the time to get to know me rather than just assuming stuff these stupid things wouldn't happen. Ahhhh! I'm really ticked off right now, sorry.

Anyhow, I've had a mostly enjoyable past couple of days. One Act practice was actually fun the past couple of days. Master Ryan came and led us through a characterization exercise. But this one was actually useful...not that I didn't find "dirty word association" an exciting experience. :P He played some songs and asked us to think of those experiences that we thought of when we heard those songs. It stuck me as a very Ryan thing to do. Music and acting. His great passions. And he made our ending un-crappified. Not to mention I'm now addicted to "Beautiful Soul". I've listened to that song like 15 times. Yes, you can file me in the lame stack.

I'm heading out to Trout Lake this weekend for a retreat. I'm trying really hard to be excited. But I'm having some "issues" with certain people who are attending. I hope my temper doesn't get the best of me. At least Lyssalily is going. Everything is fun with her.

My dearest Leah Lou left for college on Sunday. I'm excited for her. And I miss her already. I bet she's having a great time though. Making all kinds of new friends and meeting fabulous guys! Haha. I really want to go visit her soon. And sleep. I really wanna go sleep.

-Em

Olivia

FYI: Apparently, according to Ryan and Cierra my blog has officially been christened Olivia.


Emily

Vess Cola: The Poor Canadian's Drink.

So me and my mass comm partner shot the bulk of our commercial yesterday. It was much fun. Tyler did an awesome job as our actor. He spewed that salt like nobody's business. It was so funny.
Life has been pretty good. I'm saddened that my college friends are leaving soon. Tyler and Eric and Jeremy all left today. Leah leaves tommorow. Ryan leaves in a week or so. Based on this information...Ryan is clearly the only one who cares about me. ;)

I've seemed to have worked myself into a bit of a situation. There was poor communication between me and my play director and me and my youth director as to the timing of a retreat. Both are scheduled for the same time...and I think both parties blame me for the screw up. It's nobodies fault really, but it doesn't change the situation. My youth director won't back down on his timing..so hopefully my director will. Or I'm in trouble. I'm sure there is a comprimise to the issue. There always is. Others are more upset about this situation than I. One lady whose kids are invovled in this timing conflict hugged me in church today and assured me "it was gonna be okay." I wasn't entirely sure what she was talking about...I eventually figured it out. To be completely honest, I don't care that much. I just don't like it when people are upset at me or others. This retreat will be miserable if everyone is upset. I've always considered myslef rather adept at recogizing and knowing what people are really thinking. That's probably because people tell me what they're feeling. I wish I could inform certain people about what the other party is thinking. But nobody ever asks me. So I shall remain silent..and watch.

Memily

Ram Roadkill....

So the Roseau Rams lost 7-2 to the Warroad Warriors in hockey. Not that I'm shocked. Warriors are really good this year and the Rams are...not. I tried to attribuate it to the fact that they had "home rink" advantage...the game was in Warroad. But as a friend from Warroad reminded me they had trumped us on the ice last year 21-1. But I have hope, or at least I pretend to. We play them again in a couple of weeks and we shall rise to the challenge. P.S. Drama buddies...if we lose to Warroad on the 22nd I will curl up and die.

Gotta go, Sleepy time, Em

Paralell Universe...It's been a wierd day.

I today I was back in the the beloved halls of RHS. I nearly retched as I entered the door. Shallowness has a tendency to make me ill. All the girls were wearing the new clothes they recieved for Christmas. Honestly, I ask you, what parent in their right mind buys these things for their kids!? Not only are half of these clothes way against school dress-code but it's put them at a very high risk for hypothermia! January is not tanktop season!

Classes were somewhat mundane. We began working on our commercial project for Mass. Comm. My partner and I are doing a commercial for Vess brand root beer. No sodium is our big selling point. haha. English was our teacher telling us the same things over and over about how cite our sources for the reasearch project. Then we watched some more of Dead Poets Society. It's probably the first time I have ever enjoyed a movie shown in English class. Choir we began prepping songs for our choir tour to Duluth. I really don't look forward to it. Just because I have to spend time with a lot of people I can't stand for 3 days. And in Creative Writing I had to read the short story I wrote. I forgot over break how Hokey my writing was. I was ashamed to read it aloud. *mortifaction*

I went to work on my paper after school, and just as I was about to save all my new work the computer just went black. For no apparent reason. So I lost all my new work, of course.
I came home to find my little sister doing dishes and my brother spraying everything with febreeze. When I questioned my sister as to what was going on she responded "Your brother is a slave drving." Suddenly, he was my brother. I'm scared to touch stuff..it all looks so clean. haha, but all in all life has been purdy excellent.

We had youth group last night and there were just four of us there...it reminded me of the ol' days. My youth pastor was especially sarcastic last night...it was kinda fun actually. It gave me a just cause to use my stash of one-liners. We played this board game that involved building cities and claiming stuff. I was once again reminded of the stark difference between males and females. We girls made plans of what we would do, gave a small smile if we made a good move, and emitted a small sigh if things took a turn for our worse. The guys on the other hand seemed convinced that the game really garenteed them global domination. They roared in raw male power if the move was in their favor and then generally shouted a phyiscal threat in the about their impending reign as the winner. And, if their unworthy opponent happened to block one of their moves they wailed in pain as though they were a wounded animal who was fighting for their dying breath. This is why co-ed board games...just don't work well.

Lata-Em

Whoa, that's a lot of snow...Hey! That ryhmed!

So we got about 8 inches of the white stuff...However, when the plow comes by the snow becomes about 4 feet high in the end of my driveway. :P Not that I'm complaining, I love the snow. It 's finally begun to look like winter here.

My Christmas break officially ends tomorrow. It's back to the grind of high school. Roseau had the shortest break ever on record...For once in my life I say this...I wish I lived in Warroad. There's sooo much to do one I get back. I have a 400 point project due, although our goofy teacher will not as to when exactly it is due. We begin working on a commercial for Mass. Comm. luckily my partner and I have come up with some ideas. And it's back to one act practices again. At this point, I don't even care about winning anymore, I just want to stave off embarassment. Ryan and Leah should come to practice and help out some more....(I know you guys read this...*hint hint*) So I'm pretty busy.

Adulthood looms closer every passing day. This is will be my last summer as a "kid". It's terrifying, yet exciting. All the things I can now do...but all the things I must do. I guess freedom has it's price.

Forgive my randomness, Em

Looking back...pressing forward

It's crazy how fast the year of 2004 had past me by. It was a good year. It was full of challenges, tears, joy, and, of course, new people. Now, for those of you who know me only "casually" probably don't know of my irrational fear of meeting new people...It terrifies me. Or it used to anyway. But not anymore. I realized this summer that meeting new people isn't such a horrible thing...in fact it's a fabulous thing! If I had been my usual anti-social self I never would've met some of the most awesome people I know. Ali, Becky, Matt, Michelle, Lindsay, Lauren, Tara, Nowell, James, Joey, Jake Adam, Andrew, and Megan! God is a good God. And he loves people! And I love how he provides people for just the right moment to bring you through and fill you with joy. Don't get my wrong, I adore my "old friends"...Eric, Ty, Chris, Lyssa, Leah Lou, Anna, Ry. But meeting the new and melding with the old is about what the New Year is about.

So 2005, what do you got? What challenges and triumphs do you hold? And who will I meet this year?...Bring it on 2005. My Jesus has got my back....

Lovin' it Lovin' it!- Em

He had it coming...

So I'm sitting here listening to the Cell Block Tango on my sister's Chicago soundtrack. It's such an awesome song. It's the ultimate in girlish revenge.

So I had play practice tonight. We managed to get through the whole thing, although it looked like complete and total crap. Even our director said so....which is a bad sign. If we loose on our own stage I'll be mortified. But even though it stunk...I had a lot of fun. I got to see some people I haven't seen in forever...Carolyn, Ryan, Amanda, Hondo. It was happy. As I get older, I now realize that how happy a time Christmas is. As my friends slowly leave for college and other things Christmas marks a time of togetherness and joy. I like my friends being together with eachother again. :)

Together at Last, Em

The Joy of Life.

I've been pondering the looming New Year. And, of course, you know what that means, New Years Resolutions! And so my big resolution this year is...Learn to love life. I want to enjoy every waking moment of the year 2005. I want to take every chance I can. Do things wild and crazy. I want to stop worrying about the future, and all that I have to accomplish tomorrow. And learn to live in the moment. I don't want to worry about the consequences or the far-reaching effects on the atmosphere. I want to love that day, that hour, that minute, and that very second. Just to cut loose from all the chains that bind me to insecurity. For I've come to the conclusion that freedom isn't a place...It's a state of mind.

I'm still waiting for you to be the one I'm waiting for, Em

The greatest gifts of all...

It's Christmas Eve. And dare I say it's been the most wonderful Christmas Eve in recent memory.
I know that it 's a cliched thing of me to say, but the best gifts of all really don't come in packages. Not to say that I didn't love the gifts I got in boxes: the cucumber melon stuff from my bro, the pink candles from little sis, and the CD and coffee maker from my folks. (mmmm...coffee.) But the most awesome gifts I got today weren't wrapped up in cheesy paper and scotch tape.
Awesome gift #1: My dearest friend Leah is home. I saw her at a distance, ran up to her, and mauled her with a giant "I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever-I-missed-you-like-crazy-I'm-so-glad-you're-home" hug. She is as animated and fun as she was when she moved two monthes ago. She was happy to see me, but not as happy as I was to see her. We laughed, we joked, we dove into the snow, and just enjoyed the fact that we are together again. Good gal-pals are hard to come by...and Leah is one of the greatest.
Awesome gift #2: This awesome gift came in the form of a conversation I had with a friend of mine. I've been a bit down lately about my lack of a signifigant other. And we got on the topic of this gorgeous guy I met yesterday. He, my friend that is, told me not to fall for that one. When I pressed him for details as to why he said that I needed a guy who he wouldn't have to worry about me with. He gave me a speech about the pitfalls of highschool dating and how I shouldn't rush love. He said that most of his highschool relationships haven't left him better off than he was before. I found not only his advice to be very wise, but his concern genuine. I don't know many guys who would have said that kinda thing to me. And I somehow felt...less lonely for a beau.
Awesome gift # 3: We held a Christmas Eve service at my church tonight. I read the Christmas story from Luke to the congregation. And as many times as I have heard that story it struck me rather poinently tonight. The smiling faces of the people and the infectious excitement of my youth pastor filled my heart with joy. How a young woman, probably only 14 or 15 years old, carried the Son of God. It's beyond amazing.
Greatest Gift of All: My Jesus came to this earth thosands of years ago and died for me.


Merry Christmas! Em

Oh brave new world that has such people in it!

Good Evening world. The title of my blog is from the Shakespere play The Tempest. It accuratly describes how I'm feeling at the moment. People are an interest of mine. So I thought I would include a statment about some lovely people who I know and any insights I have discovered about them.

Cierra- She's a crazy exciting girl and is the only one who can make her older sister fashion conscience.

Alyssa- Her wisdom astounds me at times and I discover a new similarity between us each day. I hope I can be like her someday.

Lauren- Is beyond fun. I feel so much happier around her. She's like my matching puzzle piece. The gal pal who makes me feel confident.

Ryan- What can I say about Ryan? He's my drama buddy to my dying day. He makes me question my point of view and wish to take life by the horns...so to speak.

Leah- She's so much like me it's frightening at times. She understand what I'm saying before a sound leaves my mouth. It's creepy awesome.

James- He makes me laugh. It's been a long time since I've met some one who can match my sarcasm...I enjoy the challenge.

Tyler- He's an awesome guy. I love his confidence and his sense of self. He's totally a man after God's own heart.

Eric- Is wise beyond his years. I've known Eric since I was a little tyke. He never fails to find the humor in life.

Mike- Although I doubt that I will ever see Michael again..or that he ever wants to see me again. His presence has shaped my life (and my political views) in ways he will never know.

So those are my people observations for the time being. It's funny when you think about the people in your life and really ask yourself "How has this person impacted my life?" Because, when you think about it, who you are is a mixture of who those around you are. It's the people around you who shape you into you.

-Em

Busy-Busy-Busy!

Hello all. It is now nine days until X-mas and I have barely even started shopping. My goal is to start and finish all my shopping this weekend.

Yesterday was the deadline for our school newspaper to be ready for press. Once again, most of genius classmates didn't get the work done on time...and well, our teacher whispered to me in hushed tones how angry she was. She ranted and raved, threatened students with failing grades and then breathed down their necks as they finished their pages. Then she had me, and a couple of other people, assemble a fun page that nobody had done. It turned out quite funny.

English is being a pain in the bum. I have a major research paper due after x-mas break, and I've barely even gotten started. My teacher was mocking me the other day about never have gone to the principal's office. He told me my education was not complete. whatever.

I must depart, another day another dollar, Em

Like a movie where the hero dies...

Hindsight is always 20/20...or so they say. And sometimes life doesn't turn out the way it should. I had one of those moments tonight. One of those moments where you can't help but wonder how things might be now if you had acted differently. Did the Jews ever wonder what life would be like if Hitler had never come to power? Did Adam ever kick himself for eating that fruit?

I wish I could go back to what once was. Knowing what I know now I would make a very different choice. It's like some awful movie where the hero dies and the bad guy wins. It just shouldn't be like this. Is it too late to fix that mistake? Yes. It sure is.

Great Pending Embarassment...

Thanks Ry, for the the swoon.com link. I looked up my dream, and according to the dream interpretator I will have something horribly embarassing happen to me. Greaaaaat.

I'm so sleepy right now. I baby sat this evening for a little fellow named Charlie. He was 19 months old, with big blue eyes and blonde curls. He played with his toys, watched Frosty the Snowman, and ate a banana. I wondered what it would be like to have a wee one. He was so sweet. Though I have this nagging feeling that I shall never marry...thus the kid thing is out of the question. I don't wish for a boyfriend anymore. When I see couples together it just seems like watching something I will never have. Like watching people who play tennis well. Now, I can't play tennis, I can barely hold a racket, so I know I will never be a Wimbledon champion. I'm not upset by that fact, I just know I won't. It's the same way with romance, I know I won't ever have that. I'm not upset. That's just the way it is.

-Em

Nightmare or prophetic dream?

I had a really strange dream last night. Something horrible had happened to somebody who was close to me. I believe they died, but the details of that part of the dream were rather fuzzy. Well, somehow this person's (I shall call him Harvey) death was linked to some terrorist conspiracy. I was sitting in English class and my teacher was rambling about how we would need to prepare for this forthcoming disaster. I looked up from my desk toward the ceiling and saw a black and white mouse crawling around on the ceiling. The mouse promptly fell from the ceiling and on to me, and then landed on my desktop. I shrieked. Then all the kids in my class: the jock, the flirt, the dummy, the musician, the teen mommy, the girl who talks about nothing, and the bitter cynincal Senior, all jumped up and started screaming with me as the mouse ran across the floor of the classroom. And then I woke up.

Does anyone out there think this dream means something? Like some great tragedy will happen to my class? And we will all have to face it together? Or did I just drink too much orange juice before I went to bed?

Food for thought- Em

Does this glue stick smell like peanut butter to you too?

My blog title is a quote from the guy in my mass comm. class at school. He also proclaimed today and I quote, "I'm a friggin' genius!" Yeah, somebody please tell me that college is better than this?
I just want to live how I want to, I'm so sick of being told what to do. Do this. Don't do that. Not like that. I'm 17 years old! I'm gonna be outta this town in a year, if I can't figure how I want to live my now I may never. Attention world: I'm sorry I not what you want me to be. I like me. If I wanted to be you, I would. This is my independence cry. Sorry world, I don't give a crap what you think.

I don't care anymore, Em

And all is right with the world again...ha, kinda.

Mi amiga has returned...and all is right with the world again. Well, no, not completely. But I feel a lot better. She seemed so normal, I thought she would be so different. It's was comforting to find that nothing has changed between us. It was like nothing had changed at all, like this past week never really exsisted. Yay, for paralell universes.

I watched a companion of mine try to broach a rather awkward topic with me. It was almost comical. I knew exactly what he was trying to say, and I probably knew more about the situation than he did. But I played stupid so that I could watch him squim in the awkwardness of it all. Tell me, is that a sadistic thing of me to do? *Shrug.* Once he maganged to spit it out I assured him I completely understood...and offered my solution to the problem. He said that was his solution as well, but the powers at be wish it otherwise. Blah on the powers at be.

The right side of the brain looks at the left side of the brain and says, "It's dark in here and we may die."
-Senorita Emily

*eyelid droops* yes, just one eyelid.

So I worked last night. It was long and boring. And I, somehow, managed to, once again, to burn myself on the steam table. That was...not fun. It was also the night of the hopsital X-mas party so my boss came in a gave us concilitory gifts for working that night. A mug with the hospital logo on it and a giant killer poinsetta. Strange, I know. "Sorry you have to slave away while the rest of us party the night away. Here, take this giant ugly flowering plant. Merry Christmas!"

I saw a fellow I haven't seen in ages today. My youth pastor's older brother. I met him while working on renovating my youth pastor's house. He a jolly fun guy. I forgot how much he made me laugh. He recently got married and he and his adorable wife were in town visiting. This from the man who once told me he had all his romantic bones surgically removed. :P What a softie.

We're discussing mental illness and depression at youth group tonight. I really don't want to. I know he only means to help the situation. But to me it feels like scratching off a wound that finally started to heal over. And making it bleed again. And some people just don't understand. Come home mi amiga. I miss you like crazy.

Emily

Long time...No blog.

Sorry to all my quote "adoring fans" for not posting. I've been so insanely busy....however Ryan's guilt trip got to me. Life has been twisted; molded into a shape that shouldn't be.

I despise gossip. Gossipy people, people who pretend to be concerned to gain a chuck of juicy gossip, talking about other people behind their back, and those fools who can't seem to figure out when certain things just aren't any of their business!!!!!! Agh! Ahhhh... that felt good. I needed to vent. Don't ask me why I needed to vent, because I won't tell you. I don't gossip.

Due to circumtances beyond anyone's control, coupled with some very unfortunate timing. I will be directing some practices of our One Act play next week. And I'm petrified. I worry that nobody will listen to me, that the cast, especially certain people, will try and take over leadership from me. And I just want Mrs. Sallberg to cancel our surgery and stay to manage the brat pack. My affectionate term for the younger members of the cast. :) Natalie Novacek, if you're out there, come home, this is an emergency.

So, I have my first 2005 graduation planning meeting on Monday at 8:30 in the morning. (IN THE MORNING!?) Me, and my amigos Scot and Aaron will make up the graduating class of Roseau homeschoolers. Personally, I think it's going to be a lot of decisions that I hate making. What color napkins should we have? How many songs should we sing? Regular coffee of decaf? Or both!? Ahhh! I just want to get ready and graduate...and go to college. This doesn't need to be a big deal...at least I hope it doesn't.

Waiting for X-mas, Emily

Save the One Act.

Today was super-crazy. It was just an odd day. We watched War of the Worlds in Mass Comm today. That was stange...in a hokey disturbing way. English was a zoo as usual. Many students were angry about all the homework, others got angry about their complaining, I think everyone had PMS or something. There was a lot of shouting.

ONE ACT WAS NUTS! We were going through picking parts. One girl proclaimed dibs on a part...another girl wanted it. They both got a bit mad. On girl pronounced death on anybody who would want this part...she was kidding...but it was still unsettling. People were just edgy all day. Ryan, Come home...fix it.

Just another animal in the zoo, Emily

Miss Cellophane...should'a been my name.

*Sigh* I feel so invisible. Unimportant. Like my life, and the things that I do, haven't made even the slightest dent in the world around me.

Today in class Matt called me Ashley. He was attempting to say hi to everyone in the class. And hen he got to me he got a little stuck. Anna asked him, "Do you know her name?" "Ummm....Ashley." Upon realizing my name wasn't Ashley he apologized and said "You remind me of an Ashley." *Sigh*

At first I thought everyone thought I was freak, but now I doubt that they even notice my exsistence. I guess I'm nothing but another silent face in the crowd.

Little Miss Cellophane: Emily

Would you bring me back a sombrero?

I made bars today. They are warming quite comfortably in the oven as I type. My father and little sister are singing the "meow mix" commericial in the next room. Heaven only knows why.

I've been thinking a lot of college life. I intended to finish my application over this long weekend, but I was unsuccessful. Drat it all. Now that I'm a senior random people ask me where I want to go to college. What I want to do with my degree. How I wish to spend the next 70 years and how much wealth I intend to accumulate. Bah. I'm scared to go to college, but I'm even more scared not to go. I've seen the fate of those who choose not to leave for college, they become the pariah of this little community. "Why didn't you go to college?" "What are you doing insted?" "How is your family doing dealing with this shame upon their household?" Bah. Nosy old people. I'm excited to see how my future will play out....

And, *crosses fingers* I think I've chosen a major: Communications and Media. - I wanna write. :)

Emily

Lost in thought...

Oofda! It has been a long time since I last posted. I decided I should write about politics more often. I got 5 comments to my post about Bush. And only 1 was negative! ...granted, I wrote one of the comments myself. *giggle*

So it's been a crazy busy week at school. I gave my speech for English class today. I got a prefect score. I knew those mindnumbing mornings on a bus for speech would pay off someday! Choir has been more boring than usual, although solo contests are this tuesday. Too bad I can't remember the words to my song. And we toured the radio station this week for mass comm. I had this over-whelming urge to organize their closets, which were exploding with seemingly worthless items.

But all in all I had a pretty fab week. And last weekend was SO fun! I went to Trout Lake Bible Camp for a retreat. It was so great! Plenty of time to rest, relax, and reflect on life. And I'm excited to be a Christian again. It's been so long since I have been in that atmosphere of bibles, peace and quiet, and fellowshiping with other Christians. It was just what I needed. We had an insanely huge bonfire at the end of the weekend. It was the equivilent of burning 3 of the LBBBC cabins. Ha.

The only real downside to the weekend was my recurring role as a 3rd. wheel. Anna had her beau, Mike, and Michelle hooked up with an old guy friend. And for those of you who know what it's like to be that extra person..yeah..it sucked. But my and my youth pastor kicked it for a while. And I've decided I prefer think of myself not as a third wheel, but as a uni-cycle.
His Grace is Sufficient, Emily

P.S. Please refer to my by my British name: Effie.

Yes, I am a Bush Babe .

My beloved President George W. Bush has won another 4 years in office. I'm floored. I stayed up until 1:00 in the morning watching election coverage. God bless Ohio. It felt good to know that people cared about where are country is going. One poll said that more Americans voted based on moral issues than the economy. A first ever for our country.

Bush Babe , Emily

Down wit' da' DC Talk.

I went to Grand Forks yesterday and purchased "intermission: dc talk the greatest hits." It is a rippingly good CD. These guys write some the of most wonderful lyrics I have ever heard. However, by listening to their style of music, especially the early stuff, I have concluded that the 90's were a drak time in the music industry.


Life is a bunch of malarky, Emily

Buried emotions.

Today I bumped into an old crush of mine. We exchanged words and went about our business. He was with his girlfriend so I did my best to refrain from greeting him more enthusiatically than I did....that could be awkward.

The odd thing was that is wasn't the fact that I saw him (I assumed our paths would cross again at some point) it was my reaction to seeing him. Once I realized it was him, my heart began racing madly, had I been wearing a tighter shirt I sure my pulsating heart would have been visable to him, and I spent 3 minutes getting up the courage to say something. I was all but 100% postitive that all my feelings for him had dissloved. Apparently not. I had convinced myself that we would make a horrible match and, ironically enough, had just this morning congratulated myself on the fact that I rarely thought of him anymore. Maybe it's impossible for one's logical thoughts to conquer what one feels in their heart? It's a thought I pondered the rest of the day. That and I scruitinaized my every movement and word. I kicked myself for wearing my crappy, yet comfy, sweatshirt and for having my hair look so...blah. Meanwhile his adorable girlfriend looked perfect, as always, and her well-conditioned hair was blindingly shiny. Gag.

If anyone knows the answer to my burning question...do let me know.

-Emily

Headbanging boys and faces from the past...

I had an interesting discussion with my English teacher today. We are assigned to write an innugural address as if we were to be president. He was spouting off his typical "blah,blah can't inforce morality in schools, bush is a simple-minded twit" speal. Even though am I horribly wary of political debates of any kind thanks to M.A. I opened my yap and before I could stop myself said "Do we lose points if you don't agree with our speech?" He gave this agast look and said "What kind of person do you think I am?" He sat himself on the empty desk in front of me and situated his body as if it was going to be one of those long " how does that make you feel" speeches.

"Emily, don't you think I'm opened minded?" I had my doubts.

"Why don't you think I will like your speech?" Uh-oh, this was getting into dangerous territory. I would have to make an assumption about my teacher.

"Um...well, I think you're a democrat, and...um...I'm a republican in every sense, so I doubt we would see eye to eye on anything." There I said it.

He began to explain his political beliefs to me. He wasn't republican or democrat...or so he claimed. But he refused to tell me who he was voting for, although he would be voting. He made several statement that I found plain wrong. I would have corrected him if I hadn't been so intimidated by his being my teacher...he offered to give me an articale to read on What bush and Kerry really think.( Hmm...give me an article...where have I heard that one before?) I laughed at him. He's a CNN junkie. However, something tells me I haven't had the last of my discussion with Mr Jones. Maybe this time, I'll get it done right.

Shimmy, shimmy, shake, repeat, Emily

Shimmy. Shimmy. Shake. Repeat.

It's Thursday. That makes tomorrow Friday. Yayness.

Classes are being a bear. Mass Communication has the largest test of the entire year coming up next tuesday. We are going to start working on the next issue of the school paper. We barely got over the last ordeal. I'm going to try and broden my horizons and cover guy's basketball. I sports...but basketball is the one I could stand to cover. I would before I cover guys hockey. It's cold, stinky, and the hockey guys? well...everything you picture the hockey guys to be. They are.

English is painful. Our teacher is growing a gotee..it's straight-edged on the one side, rounded on the other. My powerful skills of reasoning lead me to conclude that he is blind in one eye.
We finished reading pygmalion in that class. It was the single most painful time in my life. I didn't know it was possible for somebody to read that poorly and still be a senior in high school. Ouch. I hurt. I got a perfect score on the test. The cute football player that corrected mine wrote "great job!" at the top. I found it noteworthy.

Choir is boring. My music partner holds the music as far away from my face as possible it seems. And our warm ups lead me to wonder who is this Otis fellow? And why is he sitting on a potato pan?

Creative writing, however, is fab! Our extremely sweet teacher and small easy going class makes the hour pass quickly. We wrote poems today. Apology poems. And I had to write mine on the board..."grand chatter" Mrs. Olsen told me I had done the original author proud. I laughed.

Quarter ends in one week. yippie. report cards.

Repeat, Emily

Blah.

I'm sitting here putsing around on the computer. I didn't have any homework tonight and no motivation to do anything worthwhile. I'm talking to Eric. He won tickets to a Roper concert. I'm excited for him. And jealous for him. My friend Laura won the 1,000 dollar scholarship I desperatly needed. I'm happy for her though. She's got scads and gobs of talent.

So I started filling out my Providence college application today. I got sick to my stomach. I can't go to college! I'm not mature enough! But I want to get out of Roseau so badly. I've done all I can here. Dwelling amongst the potato people. Blah. Blah.

Breakaway, Emily

Life as I know it...

First of all I wish to go on record by saying I have feelings of malice toward my alarm clock. It didn't go off this morning. I completely missed Sunday School and narrowly missed being late for church. I was very angry.

So I went to Providence college this weekend for their college days. It was gastly fun. I got to visit my friend Tyler as well as mingle with some lovely girlsin one of dormitories. I'm ready to go, to strike out on my own and to simply begin my life. My senior year seems to be nothing more than chains holding me back.

I also went to a lock-in this weekend. I saw some friends from camp and listened to the not-so-soothing sounds of "One Fall Short". All these people I knew when I was a little kid have grown up and are now....head banging guitarists. Ha. It was much fun...although I don't think I have ever been that tired in my life. I would blink and suddenly I would wake up 30 minutes later. It was insane

In Forward Motion, Emily

Interminable.

Interminable. It was on today's Advanced English vocabulary test. It means going on forever; having no end. Forever.

I watched "Raising Helen" last night. It was a charming movie, although it made me a bit weepy. I wanted the handsome pastor Dan to fall in love with me! Haha, no, not really. But I want somebody to fall in love with. And I feel as though I am destined to be unwed. My life as a free wheeling...spinster. Who needs men!? I'm smart confident and independent. Who needs to be tied down with a guy!? Not me. I shall to great and wonderful things for this world. By Myself. Take that world!

Any of you who know me know that I didn't mean the previous paragraph.
Well, most of it.

Huzzah, Emily

Crappy Saturday...

I'm having a bad day. I'm sick for the 3rd time in a month. I think there is some sort of mold farm growing under my bed causing these frequent illneses. Yuck.
My hair went flat today. Efforts to revive it with some musse didn't produce any long-lasting effects.
I have to write a paper about a childhood memory and I can't think of anything remotely interesting to write about and I feel guilty.

And on top of all my guilt a "friend" of mine spoke to me on MSN only to say..."Whoops! I opened the wrong window." He didn't want to talk to me...it was an . My self confidence took a nose dive.
Blah, Emily

I depise the education system

I am in school work hatred mode. My mass comm class delivers it's first issue of the school newspaper on Friday. My foolish peers didn't have their work done and I thouht my teacher was going to have a coronary. She yelled for while and then turned funny shades of red. She even gave us her blessing to beat up one of our classmates. I couldn't help but laugh.

My English teacher told me I had to write a report yesterday. It's due tomorrow. It's 500 words. Gag.

Waiting for MEA, Emily