And in other news...

Now, it's time for Emily to announce her summer project...or at least part of the summer. I am in a touring drama ministry team here at Providence called the Prov. Players, we do little skits and scenes for churches and youth groups in the area. We perform these shows with the school worship band, "Aslan's Child". And tomorrow afternoon, we all leave for our 17 day tour of southern Ontario, and the US. We will be performing in Toronto, Chicago, and Minneapolis, among other places. It's an exciting adventure and I'm excited to see what God will do. And for the next 17 days I am going to keep a journal of all my experiences on tour. My trusty lap top will be accompaning me on the excursion, so each day I will write an entry and post here, on my blog. Because internet use is somewhat limited, a post may not appear everyday. However, I will be writing an entry each day, so more than one day may be posted at a time. So if you're interested, check it out.

-Em

Echoing Rooms...

Yesterday was, without a doubt, one of the hardest days of my life. After 9 months, of living with, laughing with, and crying with the people here at Prov I said goodbye. We had to return to our "lives", but over the course of 9 months Prov has become my life. People who know me better than anyone lived here. Now my dorm is completely empty, except for me, I wandered in and out of the rooms of my best friends' rooms and I couldn't stand the emptiness. This year holds so many memories, some good, some bad. I feel like I blinked and the year was gone. I never dreamed that a place that I was so scared to come to would become a place that I am terrified to leave. I wonder how well I will fit in when I go back to Roseau, I've changed in so many ways..what if I don't fit into my old life again? What if nothing back home has changed, but I have? Or even more frightening, what if everything at home has changed, and I don't fit in with those changes anymore? What if I can't pick up where I left off?

Ontario, Europe, Nova Scotia, Alberta, British Colombia, Taiwan, New Brunswick, and Quebec, thosands of miles now seperate me and some of my favorite people. I said goodbye to Bethany, a girl who is my kindred spirit. I said goodbye to Cassy, a person that I hope to be like someday. I said goodbye to my RA, Jaunita, who made coming to Providence less scary. I said goodbye to Cassia, my roomate, a woman who I shared my room and my life with for the last year. I said goodbye to Zach and Dan, who are 2 of the most amazing men I know. I said "see you later" to a guy that I deeply didn't want to say goodbye to, but I knew it was the best thing for the both of us. I said goodbye to Sarah, a girl who told me everyday that I was beautiful. I said goodbye to Matt, a guy who helped to restore my faith in a lot of things. I said goodbye to Lisa, a woman who loves Jesus with all she is. I feel like a big chunk of me is missing. I love these people. In some ways it makes me wonder if all of life is a series of goodbyes, old friends leave, new people come. I know beyond a doubt that God is more faithful than I can even grasp. He will provide for me, for my friends, and for our futures together and seperate. But it doesn't make those goodbye moments any easier.

"There are far better things ahead, than any we leave behind." -C.S. Lewis

Hope Vs. Reality?

What I am about to write seems very ironic in light of my last post. Today I will write about how I have been holding on to a false hope. When things that I don't want to happen, do happen, I often find myself bordering on delusional. I want things to be right again so badly, that I can convince myself of almost anything. "It's probably not as bad as I think it is." "There's still a chance it could work out." Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was debating in my mind whether this was a good thing or not. On the one hand, hope is a good thing. Hope is what keeps us going when everything else is gone. Hope can make things seem brighter during times of darkness. But, on the other hand, if that hope isn't based in reality, is hope really a good thing? Then again, is any hope really based on reality? I'm still looking for the answers to these questions.

I was talking with my friend Cassy last night. (She's one of the wisest, most grounded people I have ever known) I was telling her about this hope that I had been holding on to and here's what she said, "Emily, you can't. You can't keep holding on to that. You're just going to go crazy if you do that. You're never going to get over all this if you don't let go."

Let go. I don't want to let go. Letting go is scary. Letting go hurts. Letting go feels like the end of a dream. So, here lies the big question, should I give up this hope I have been holding on to, or do I let go and move on?

-Em

Tonight I realized I have a demon. A contast figure on my shoulder that colors all I see in the world around me. A cold calculating presence that seems to alter my reality. And it's name: Cynicism. It's an ugly, ugly beast and I'm not sure when I became such a cynic. In high school, I was told to be the textbook idealist. Emily loved her happy endings. But somehow, while I was distracted by life, I became a cynic. The romantic movies I used to love now make me gag. The promises of the people around me seem to be empty even before they say them.

When it comes down to it, cynicism is a loss of hope. That inner belief that it's all going to work. In my head, the debate raged, "Of course you're cynical! Look at this last year! How can you not be? You have every right in this world to be angry and jaded." I felt justified in being cynical, life has handed me some hard realities these past couple weeks. But then, how can I, a woman who claims to wear the love of Christ on her sleeve really be so cynical? "Love always trusts, always hopes." Ouch. There it was, in plain English. Love always hopes. If I love Jesus, and his love is in me, hope comes with the package. That's a challenge for me. When I look at my life, and the life of many of my closet and dearest friends injustice is all lit up in neon lights. None of this is fair. Her happy ending didn't come. His dreams were stepped on. I have experienced life this year, and the more I see of this world the more I'm thrilled that this planet is a detour for something far better. Experience has taught me that humanity is horribly cruel, and unfathomable fallible. Why? Unfortunately, I have realized that there is no good answer for any of these questions. But for me, a follow of Christ, the only answer is to keep on hoping.

-"Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows."-David T. Wolf

10 Things I Love. 10 Things I Hate.

10 Things I Love

1. Jesus
2. Laughter
3. Curly Hair
5. Stars
6. Buttered Popcorn
7. My Sister's Honesty
8. Daises
9. Flip-flop Sandals
10. Cities at Night in the Winter

10 Things I hate

1. Funerals
2. Rejection
3. Fleeting Time
4. Linkin Park
5. Scripture taken out of Context
6. Lying
7. Lincoln Towncars
8. Saying Goodbye
9. Silence of the Lambs
10. Injustice

I Love My Sister

This is a story my sister, Cierra, told me today:


Cierra:*walks to kitchen cause toast should be done* *Cierra looks at toaster* "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! FIRE!!! SCOTT!! AHHHHHHH, FIRE!!!!!!" *Jumps up and down*

Scott:*Runs downstairs* "What are you doing!!?!?"

Cierra:"BURNING THE KITCHEN DOWN!!"




Enough said.

Every blessing you pour out, I'll turn back to praise...

Do you ever feel like your life is going so wonderfully well that something has to go wrong? That the bottom of the cloud has to fall out from under you at some point, but you are enjoying the ride so much that you don't even care? That's how I feel about my life right now. I cannot believe how richly God has been blessing me. How do I deserve any of the wonderful things that He has given me? The answer is quite simple: I don't. I don't deserve to have the Lord of the Universe care about the details of my life. To listen to my often whiny little prayers, but he does. And that astounds, amazes, and humbles me beyond words. Wow. So, I thought I'd fill you all in on some of the amazing ways God has been blessing me. Not because I wan't to brag about it, or rub in your face, but because I want to give honor to God and his kindness in writing.

I have been accepted as a Resident Assistant at Providence next year. And I'm excited beyond words. It was a long process, and a stressful one for me, a worrier. But each step of the way I felt God guiding me. He put some really great people in my life to encourage me in it. I wanted to be one so much, but it amazes me that God cared about what I wanted. Why would God even notice what I wanted? But he did, I'm excited for the things that he is going to teach me through the experience.

I had been really worried about money lately. I realized how little I had, and how much I needed. I prayed about this for a couple of months. And God provided me with a solid summer job, and an on-campus job. I can begin saving for school next year a lot sooner now, and actually buy myself some shampoo. God not only provides for my needs, but so often he provides for my wants as well.

I have also realized how faithful God has been in providing remarkable people to be my friends. I worried that I would make no friends at college and become a social recluse. But no, God gave me amazing friends. These are people that teach me, encourage me, and laugh with me. I realized this semester how blessed I am with friends, and I wonder how I ever got along without the likes of Bethany, Cassy, and Lisa.

So what should my response be when my Savior causes a flood of blessing to knock me off my feet? I like the way a line from the song "Blessed Be Your Name" expresses it. "Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise." That's what I need to do. To yell from the mountains who my God is and how great he is. With the blessings he has placed in my life, I want to make him proud of me. I want to make my Jesus smile....he makes me smile.

-Em

An Open Letter to a God Who Knows All

What is this supposed to look like? What does desperate devotion to You look like? Will I know when I have surrendered everything to You? How can I know what your will is? There are so many questions I have to ask, so many answers I need to know. But I am small, and you are great. I am finate, and you are infinate. There's so much I don't know. I fear myself to be completely inadequate forever. I don't pretend to understand all that you do, all that you promise, or all that you are. But, you are. And somehow I need to wrap my pathetic little mind around that. And sometimes that task seems so great, that I want to curl up in a little ball on the floor and hide from what I don't know. Then, you tell me that what I don't know doesn't matter to you. You don't expect me to understand all you are, but you love me in spite of my total ignorance. You love me in spite of how many times I get so scared by how much I don't that I run away from your presence. As if trying to figure out life on my own is somehow easier to do. All I know is that you a good and that you love me. And that must be enough.

I have nothing.

This past weekend, my college put on a large Christian conference for Senior High Schoolers. It was an awesome weekend with a lot of awesome young people converging on my campus. They screamed, applauded, cried, and worshiped. I had a few different responsibilties and enjoyed the whole event quite throughly. I also saw Kutless in concert for the second time. Seeing that many people so excited about worshiping God through music was amazing.

The highlight of the weekend for me personally was going to a workshop put on by a friend. He talked about the inward battle that rages inside of all Christians. The battle of my will and wants versus God's will and wants for me.

For the past couple of weeks I have been plauged by a horrible fear of dissapointing God. I want so much to please him and make him proud of me. But it seemed that every where I turned I was falling short. I had begun to hate everything I did. I was so angry at myself for not wanting all that God wanted. I saw the selfishness inside of me so clearly. Why can't I just want what God wants? I felt like such a failure. This feeling settled in the pit of my stomach, so much so that I found myself gaging in the washroom a few times this past week. And on this past Friday night I went to a late night worship session with a couple of friends. As I looked up at the words on the screen I wanted so much to mean the words, but I knew I didn't. I curled up on the chair and sat there watching my friends worship. I hated my humanity so much.

The next day, Saturday, I went to my friend's workshop. He showed a clip of Golom/Smegal from the Lord of the Rings movie. I felt like that little creature, always fighting my own self. It was so encouraging to hear someone talk about the battle. It was if God was saying, "You're not alone. All my children face this. Keep seeking me." In the workshop, he played a song that had been stuck in my head and heart all week. As he pushed the button on the C.D. player and the first words of the song came on, I fought back tears. Jesus is all I have. My humanity matters nothing. I have nothing without Jesus.

So I thought I'd post the lyrics to this song, I hope you find it as encouraging as I do.

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fal
lFor Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?

For I’ve been here before
But I know there’s still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You

For what do I have If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter Of my head
Lifter of this head


I have nothing.

He Believes in Me...

I'm sitting comfortably in my little black folding chair in the college lecture theater. This morning's joy: Music Appreciation class. My professor just said something in German, I know I should listen, but my brain doesn't work before 10:00. Too bad this class ends at 9:45 a.m, eh? (Yes, I'm sorry, I did just say eh) A soprano voice is singing out opera now. The guy in front of me is chewing on his pen. The blonde girl across the room has fallen asleep. There is a leak in the ceiling, and a persistent dripping is directly behind my head. Oh the joys of college life.

Youth Encounter, the big Christian conference that my school puts on for teenagers ever year, is exactly one week away. I am freakishly excited. The school is beginning to take shape for the event, and everyone seems to be doing something. I'm part of the team that will be praying with/counseling teens who come forward for the altar call. So we had a training session for that. I'm starting to feel really nervous about it. What if I pray wrong? What if I say the wrong thing? I'm probably just paranoid, but what if I'm bad at this. It's what I love to do, but what if I'm bad at what I love to do. Eeeep, now that is a frightening thought.

Love, or something like it, is blossoming in the lives of my friends. I stayed awake until 2:00 in the morning talking with a friend who had just had a DTR. Translation: Defining The Relationship. What every girl wants and doesn't want. There were a couple of other instances last night of my friends falling in love, but I promised to keep mute about them. I love seeing them so happy, seeing their dreams become a reality. Even though I have spent a large part of my 2 weeks here at school bemoaning the cruelity of certain young men, my silly little girlish heart still was excited to hear of all the happy things happening to my girls. I wish them all the best.

This coming Sunday, my touring drama ministry group, the Prov. Players will be performing in Winnipeg. It will be our first big show. We're performing and touring with Prov's "plugged in" worship band, Aslan's Child. It's going to be really exciting I'm sure.

Finally, it's time for Emily's Cool God Lesson of the Week. Last night, I worked at my Jr. High youth group in Stienbach as I do every week. And we watched a video by Rob Bell. For those of you who don't know, Rob Bell is a rather amazing pastor who producing video sermon type things. My friend Allie described it as "very post-modern". The most striking feature is how conversational Mr. Bell is in these videos. In this video he talked about how we may believe in God, but God also believes in us. He wouldn't have calles us to be Christians if he didn't believe that we could do it. He has faith in me as much, probably more, than I have in him. In so many things in my life, I shrink away from them with the all too familiar words, "I can't do that" But if the God of the Universe believes I can, why am I afraid. He believed that tax collecters, fishermen, and prostitutes had the power to impact the world for Christ. He believed in those that others had turned away. And I know that he believes in me.

May you be covered in the dust of your Rabbi

...So she bought me a scarf.

I'm once again back at Providence College for a second semester. I can already sense how remarkably different this semester is. Everything seems different. I'm not going to lie, I think this semester will be exteremly hard. Not in terms of academics, in fact, I think my studies will be easier this semester than last. But emotionally and spiritually, this will be a hard semester. The odd part of it is, I don't think any of my outside circumstances have changed, it's something inside of me that is changed. I don't know what's changed, but something has.

I had a really bad week. I feel so frustrated with myself. Mostly, with how I relate to people. I'm a sarcastic person, but I think a couple of my comments have been over the line this week. I'm so angry at myself for saying those things. I fear I may have alienated one of the very few guy friends I have here at school.

I watched a movie with some friends tonight. I felt really socially awkward. There was a guy there whom I deeply repect, and I didn't feel good enough to be his friend. I fear losing his respect.

I also don't pretend to understand guys. All hope to understand them has been vanquished over the years. But why a guy would say things he doesn't mean boggles me. I suppose girls do it too. But insincerity makes me cry. I see words not matching actions. I see promises not being kept. I see secrets not being kept.

My friend Bethany felt bad about my week so she bought me a scarf.

The Easy Choice or the Right Choice?

The end of another year is approaching, and the relative "unknowness" of 2006 looms in the future. I was at my Grandparent's house the last few days, and because they live in the middle of absolute nowhere I had the chance to catch up on some of my reading. For some reason, I felt compelled to read a book I've had for a couple of years but hadn't read through in a long while. It's another one those Christian purity books. And I don't mean that in a flippant way, I think purity of mind and body is an important issue for young Christians and our generation.

As I read though it, I was struck with a harsh reality. Many of the bad decisions that the book warned against, I've made. So many of the promises I made to myself have fallen by the wayside. This year is not one that I will look back on and think, "gee, I made a lot of wise, godly decisions this year." And oh, how I regret it. I made the easy choices.

For me, the foolish decisions always seem to be the easy ones. The ones where I don't think. It's easy to do the wrong thing, it's hard to do the right thing. It always seems that way, why can't the right choice be easy for me? The closer I look at the year 2005, I'm almost glad I made some easy choices. Don't misunderstand me, I really really wish I had done the right thing. But now that I have made some easy choices, I feel like I have a better understanding of what sin is.

All too often, I feel, in Christian circles we portray sin and obvious, and easy to spot. But the truth of it that sin is sometimes disguised. It wears a pretty mask. Sin rarely seems wrong to us. And this year, I was too niave of a Christian to see that. This didn't look like sin. But now that I've seen sin, fallen into it, and faced it's consequences, I know what it looks like, and I refuse to be decived by it again. I don't want to make the easy choices.

Friends

Since the vast majority of people who read this blog are friends from my non-college life. I thought I should introduce you all to some of the people who make my college life the greatest thing since sliced bread. And I get to show how great everyone looks in their fancy clothes. :)

Left to Right: Joanie, Bethany, Me, & Christina
All of these girls rock. All of them are crazy fun and funny. Bethany and I are alike in so many ways it's almost scary. But good scary.



Left to Right: Zach, Dan, Graham, and Clint.
These are 4 of the coolest guys I know. These fellows have charisma, humor, and gentlemanly skills. And I'm sure there are four very lucky young women out there for these guys.









Jaunita and Matt. Jaunita is my friend/RA. She's the so enthusiatic and happy all the time. She has more self-confidence than anyone I have ever met. Matt is, like me, a Communications major. He's a nice guy and super talented at communication stuff. I have made it my academic goal to give Matt a challenge. A high persuit, I know. :P



This is a picture of another Matt and Lisa...oh, and Matt's banquet date, Reese Witherspoon. Lisa is my next door neighbor here in dorm. She has a great laugh, and sings like an angel. We already decided to be roomates next year. Matt is fun fellow. And quite possible the tallest, thinnest man I have ever met. I can't think of a single person on this campus who doesn't think Matt one of the coolest people alive.


So, those are just some of my friends/Favorite people here at Providence. But now, finals week is upon me, and I fear falling behind. Blessings!

-Em

The Want

When I want something, I want it. But if I have never experienced it I'm okay with not having that thing. But when I get a tiny taste of thing that I want, suddenly I want that thing 1,000 times more than I ever did in the first place. Does anyone else ever feel that way?

-Em

Thy will be done...

Thy will be done. Thy will be done. Thy will be done? This phrase has been weighing on my heart quite often lately. To put it simply, the day I gave control of my life over to God was I day I died. There was no more Emily. Or, at least, there shouldn't be. But for the past month I have become aqutely aware of the fact that there is still an awful lot of Emily left in my life. And I hate it.

Up until I arrived at Providence I never questioned whether I was following God's will. I just assumed that I was doing what God wanted me to do. I thought that I was a good Christian, doing exactly what I supposed to do. But as each day here passes I'm becoming more and more aware of who I want to be, and how far I am from being that person now.

It's now a daily question, Am I living in God's Will for my life? I'm terrified of the idea that I'm not exactly where God wants me to be. I do believe that Providence is where he wants me. Any place that causes me to take an honest look at who I am is a place that I need to be. The question of my major is one that has been weighing on me lately. I love communications, I love my Proffessor, I love my program, and I really think that I would enjoy working in it some day. But I feel like I lack passion. I look at some of the others in my program and they have such talent, passion, and enthusiasm for the communications profession. And I don't.

When I look back on my life thus far, brief as it has been, I clearly remember the times when I felt beyond a doubt that I was following the will of God. And I feel as though God might be calling me to some sort of full-time Christian ministry. Not that any job can't be a ministry, but I mean a full-time ministry careeer. And that terrifies me.

"When the will of God crosses the will of man- somebody has to die."- Addison Leitch

-Em

I wondered Abba Father
Why did you make me?
I don't feel pretty
Not wise
Nothing lovely to see

I wondered O King most high
You who created the highest peaks
The shining stars
The raging, powerful seas
Would create such a thing as me?

I see now, Lover of my soul
You make no mistakes
I am your beautiful creation
Your beloved child
And when I was angry
You still loved me all the while

Be still, and know that I am God...

Today was a wonderful day. It was my first college snow day. I awoke this morning to find that the little white flakes that begin falling yesterday afternoon had turned into roughly a foot of snow. The fields and trees that 24 hours ago had been a drab, dead brown had been transformed into a brilliantly white panorama. And, much to my great joy, when I signed on to the the college internet network, a small notice popped up on the screen. The simple white box, with black font inside read, "Notice: Classes are cancelled today due to the storm." It felt like Christmas morning. After going around the dorm to share my joyious news with my roomate and whomever else would listen to me, I crawled back under the covers and slept for another 3 hours. The rest of the day was spent relaxing with the girls in dorm and finishing up a couple of papers.

This week had been such a stressful one. Everything was coming due, and I wasn't satisfied with how my papers were turning out. A friendship here was becoming strained. The burden of financial stress of next semester was weighing on my shoulders. I had been getting so little sleep. My horrible schedule had pushed my quiet times out of the picture, leaving me feeling spiritual dry. Late last night, while working on a paper due in 8 hours, I felt so overwhelmed by everything, I sat in the dark and cried. I resigned myself to the idea of everything falling apart and I climbed into bed for a few hours of sleep.

But God taught me a lesson through this snow day. Everything, absolutely everything, stopped for the day. Time slowed down and everything was beautiful in its pure virgin whiteness. God sent the snow and God could take it away. He is in control and reigns over all creation. And he reigns over my life. "Stop running, Emily. Stop panicing. It's going to be okay. Be still and know that I am God." God is in control, I can stop being so overwhelmed and worried. I can trust him to take care of me. The stillness of creation under the quiet white snow is like my soul under the watch of my King.

Lessons of a Six Week Freshman

College. The institute of higher learning. The place where young men and women go to expand their minds and their worlds. I have now been among these students for six weeks. And what a ride it has been. I've already been challenged and taught in ways I never imagined. Interestingly enough, most of the important lessons I didn't learn from my classes or my proffessors, but from my peers and my experiences. I thought I'd share some of my new found wisdom with you... The lessons are as follows.

If you attend a college of 400 students, assume that everything you do and say will become talked about. I don't mean this in an egotisical way. I'm not saying that my life is of the greatest importance to every member of this college. But I am learning that if you say anything positive or negative it's going to come back to bite you in the bum.

Just because everyone around is a legal adult in age, it doesn't not mean that they are fully socially developed. Since arriving at college I have never met so many socially clueless people in my life. I'm not sure if I attract such people...or if there is just a lot of them. People who seem to have no concept of what polite conversation is or personal space. It's a bit unnerving.

Roomates are a most interesting concept. I'm not sure who came up with the idea of college roomates. But it is a strange idea to be sure. Take two total strangers, who may or may not have anything in common, place them in room no bigger than my thumb, pronounce them roomates, and say "live". Cassia, my roomie, has taught me a lot about how to peacefully co-exsist with another person. Everyone has their little quirks, learn to love them.

The home that you grew up in suddenly becomes your parents house. I went home for a visit over break last week only to discover that my house of 18 years was now my parents house. I felt like a guest who was visiting. It dawned on me then that I consider Providence my home now. Wierd.

Chivalry is not dead. Since arriving at Prov, I have met some wonderful young men. Guys who actually treat a girl like a lady. Opening doors, walking her back to dorm when it's dark, pulling out her chair. It's wonderfully refreshing to see.

Nothing is more wonderful than dorm life. I'd definatly say that living in dorm has been the best experience ever. I have so many great people in my dorm. It's like one giant slumber party. The girls I live with are becoming my closest friends. And they are constant sources of wisdom about how to survive classes, guys, and how to follow God with all you have. For example, yesterday I was having a really crappy day. And 3 of girls from my dorm spontaniously prayed for me. During dinner time, surrounded by people eating and talking, they offered my problem up to God. And then they took me to a movie to cheer me up. :) I heart dorm life.

-Em

Hello from Providence!

Hey Everyone! I'm alive, and quite well. This is my first official post as a providence college student. I'll tell you all what's been going in the last week.

I arrived here last Monday with my mom and dad, both of whom were crying before we had even reached Steinbach. It was kind of a surreal experience, finally moving into dorm and all. I had a room all to myself for the first night, until the next day when my super-cool roomie Cassia moved in. She's a third year student, and finishing her final year as a drama major. We get along quite well it seems.

We did all the freshmen orientation stuff, I've met so many people in past 6 days that my brain has turned to watery lime jello. But I've met a lot of really cool people here. The thing that I find is so strikingly different from high school is the freakish absence of cliques. I haven't met a single person yet who isn't friendly and open to talking with anyone. It's pretty awesome.

I'm finally starting to feel settled. I will go on record as saying the day I arrived here was the scariest, most terrifyingly alone day of my life. But things are getting better. I'm fighting off a horrible cold, been dosing up on the vitaman C and sudafed. I started classes on Thursday. My schedule this semester includes: Intro. to Christianity, Spiritual Formation, Intro. to Communications and Media, Writing for the Marketplace, and Principles of Journalism. I think as long as I stay on top of my studies, I will be able to handle all my courses.

I'm still feeling really uncomfortable about one aspect of school. I'm trying to figure out where I fit in, my niche as it were. I'm kinda of trying to make a name for myself here at school but it's so hard. I don't want it to be the way it was in high school. Where I had only a few friends and nobody notices my exsistence...ugh. I tried out for the Prov. Players and I made the call-back audtions but then after the interview I got cut. I really thought I was going to make it, so did everyone else. I prayed really really hard that I would make it, so people could start to notice who I am...but obvisiouly it didn't. So it was kinda of a downer weekend. I was a talking to a friend about not making the Prov. Players, and she told me there was no way I wasn't good enough...but that God must have something else in mind for me. I just wish He would show me what that something is. I know I'm supposed to be here....but why?

I'll post more adventures soon!

-Emily
P.S. Old school style roller skating is a blast!

Summer Memories...

I've spent my evening packing my bags, looking over my orientation schedule, and finalizing all the details for my departure to Providence College the day after tomorrow. Just 2 days, wow. But as I look forward to school and the fall I also glance back at my summer and look at some of my favorite memories. (Thanks to Ty for the inspiration and structure style of this post.)

Watching my 11 and 12 year old campers try and sneak out of the cabin while I was still awake, when then climbed into their bunks with their clothes and shoes on...I got suspicious.

The countless times at camp when I unintentionally said something that sounded really dirty, and everyone laughed. Michelle would pat me on the head condescendingly. I would then realize what I had said...and go die of embarassment. John would later tell me it was "okay." Some of my friends now affectionately refer to such times as "Emily moments."

Listening to Michelle release her "bat laugh"

3 words: Numa Numa Song.

Asking Andrew how one makes holy water to which he responded "You boil the heck out of it."

Realizing how many times I fell for one of Marvin's stories. Wow.

Playing the "kissing game" at camp and having Tyler kiss my hand everytime. And wrestling with my boss as he tried to kiss my hand....lil' awkward.

"Primal displays of affection!"

Having a pudgy nine year old camper of mine dancing in the cabin, singing, "I like to move it move it."

Going swimming at Midnight.

Watching Sammy drive Marvin's boat while singing "In the navy"

Having Matt Sharpe, (the planet's coolest camp speaker) show me how to write a devotional and talking and praying with me.

Giving a talk in front of the whole church and not passing out.

Seeing my awesome friend Lyssa paint an amazing mural in just 9 hours. Insanity.

Having Lauren live with me for 3 days, and going to see Lindsay get married. Lauren and I sticking our feet out the van window, and put on make-up while driving to Warroad. That week was so fun.

John quote: "People like him are goldfish, Emily, we just flush 'em away."

Having my little sister as a fellow counselor, a camper in my cabin, and a fellow camper all in one summer.

Lying out in north field making wishes on shooting stars with Andrew and Michelle.

Meeting Toni McQuown, and realizing that all the of the McQuowns officially rock my face off.

Hearing Toni talk about wanting to put baby Kylee's stroller on "Pimp my Ride."

Counselor Meetings were some of the best times in my life.

The time I accidentally punched Andrew in the nose. I was then motrified and apologized profusely. He laughed and told me I had a good hit.

When Jake and Mike (2 of my campers) hitch-hiked while in my care. I smell a lawsuit.

These are not all of my cool memories...and I will post more of them soon.

Viva' La Summer! -Emily