Sunday, December 31, 2006

Oh! 2006

New Years Eve 2006. I can hardly believe it.

I feel like I should make a T-shirt: "I Survived 2006"

Looking back, this was quite the year. It was certainly one of the most difficult years that I can recall. From the time I said "Happy New Year" some 365 days ago conflict and pain seemed to follow me. However, 2006 was also one of the most beautiful years I can recall. It was beautiful in a way that was different from other years. It was beautiful because of the pain. This year I had to search harder than I ever have before to see the beauty, and that in and of itself is beautiful.

2006:
Providence
Hockey
Kindred Spirits
Baseball
Falling
Rejection
Stress
Graduations
Goodbyes
Tour
Niagra Falls
Beautiful One
Testimonies
Friends
Waitressing
Camp Counseling
Broken Skull
ICU
Miraculous
Anxious
Goodbye LBBBC
RAing
Overcommitment
Computer Usage I
The Miracle Worker
Humpty Dumpty Life
Confusion
Risk Taking
Ulcers
Anemia
Hospital Again
Laughter
Amazing Boyfriend
Falling Again
Christmas
Fish & Bird
Confession
The End
What a year! Here' to you 2006, for all the lessons you taught me. And here's to you 2007...and whatever you have in store.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

"It's perfect"
The little glass figurine that I held in my hands
A tiny plaque at the bottom read: life
It was finally mine
And it was perfect
So happy that it was mine I clutched the figurine tighter and tighter
"...Maybe I should hold that for you."
"No, God, it's mine. I'm being careful."
I noticed a tiny crack forming on the side
"...Here, I'll fix that."
"No, I'm fine, I promise. It's just a little crack."
It broke!
My perfect glass figurine, gone, shattered
"...I'll put it back together. Give it to me."
"No! It's mine! I can fix this on my own! I can!"
I clutched the broken pieces tighter and tighter and ran
How could it break?
It was so perfect
It was mine...and perfect.
I squeezed the shards so tightly that the pieces dug into my hand
I could fix it
I knew I could
The shards dug deeper and deeper into my hands
No
No
I won't let go!
Blood began to run over my hands
It hurt so badly
I cried out in pain
"...Here, let me help you"
"But I wanted to do it on my own!"
"....I know, I know you did."
I open my hands
Glass shards stuck in one side of my hand and out the other
"...This will hurt."
Slowly, He pulls out a shard
I whince
"Can you fix it?"
"...I can, but this will hurt."

Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Weight of Glory

I've always had a love for stars. Everytime I step outside of my door after sunset, my first reaction is to look toward the sky to see if my faithful friends will make an appearence. I love the idea of the black oblivion of night being broken by a the glow of stars. There is something...heavenly about it.

Tonight I stepped outside and, as always, looked to see if any stars were out. Not only was the sky completely empty of stars, the whole sky was covered in the thick shell of clouds. The street lights of my small town illuminated the underside of clouds giving the whole sky a dull pink glow. It was strangly beautiful.

I started thinking about how stars have always given me the idea that there is God who is the all-powerful creator of heaven and of earth. But tonight, when my beloved stars were hidden from my view, it gave me another thought about my Lord. The clouds hid my stars from me, and my humanity hides my God from me. And, I think this is for my own good. I can't imagine what it would be like to see all of God, to know him so fully and completely that I understood the mind of God. How completely and utterly terrifying would that be? The very thought gives me chills. To know the mind of God.

Sometimes, I become to wrapped up in the idea of Jesus being my friend. Being my buddy who I can talk to about anything. I sometimes forget that he is the all-powerful creator. The God who could crush me in an instant.

The weight of his glory is so heavy that I need the clouds of my humanity to cover me, but that doesn't mean I won't see his glow.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Hmmm...

"By then I wasn’t just asking questions; I was being changed by them. I was being changed by my prayers, which dwindled down nearer and nearer to silence, which weren’t confrontations with God but with the difficulty—in my own mind, or in the human lot—of knowing what or how to pray. Lying awake at night, I could feel myself being changed—into what, I had no idea.”

- Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Laugh.


I love to laugh.

In fact, laughing is probably one of all time favorite pastimes. I was thinking about laughter this morning, and about how powerful it is. Laughter is my panecea. Awkward moment? Laugh through it. Pain completely unberable? Laugh about it. I firmly believe that even when everything is falling apart, and when gray skies stretch before me endlessly that there is something to laugh at. Even if that something is me.

Perhaps this explains my addiction to sit-coms. I love that every fight, every joy, and every pain can be made into a joke. That's how I deal with my life: I laugh through it. My dearest friend Bethany shares this life philosophy with me. So...to whomever may read this, laugh. Please
laugh.

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter"-Mark Twain

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A great, big, long, over due update.

Wow. I've really been neglecting this blog. But fear not world, I am still alive. And here is the long awaited update on the world of Emily.

I'm in the midst of finals week here. 2 down, 2 more to go. My classes all went fairly well semester. I enjoyed some, hated others. The usual. I return to good ol' Roseau Minnesota on Saturday. I can't believe how fast this semester went. Eeeeek.

Being an resident assistant has been absolutely wonderful. I love my dorm. Love my girls. It's had its hard moments to be sure, but it's been really great. I'm really looking forward to next semester and the chance to get to know my girls better. There are a lot of things I still want to do, but God has done more with my dorm than I had ever dreamed.

I'm working hard on memorizing my lines for the play. As I mentioned, I'm Annie Sullivan, the teacher of Helen Keller in "The Miracle Worker." It's going really well. The rehearsals are really long at time, some approach five hours. However, the director and the cast are all amazing people. It's been forever since I've done real theater. And it's going to be grand. If anyone wants to come see it...March 21st-24th. Providence College. Be there.

I'm employed by the yearbook here. I write articles and captions. Yes, that's right, I'm being paid to write. What a beautiful idea. It's a great job. The whole yearbook staff went to Winnipeg for sushi the other night. Nice perks. :D

So first semester has been quite grand. And I'm looking forward to what's in store next semester.

Oh, one last thing. I've found myself a really wonderful guy. His name is Taylor Summach. He's from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. We been a dating for a month now....and he's...amazing. So, in closing, here is a lovely photo and me and Taylor.




:) -Emily

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Twilight by Shaun Groves

Like the sky before the dawn
While the night is holding on
Sun and moon together in the gray
So my soul is shared by two
The worst of me, the best of You
Saint and sinner mingle in my veins
And I pray You'll end this twilight

Twilight, twilight
I'm torn inside my soul tonight
The dawning Day, the dying night
Oh rid my soul of twilight
Oh rid my soul of twilight

Good I love but evil's done
Good intentions come undone
Good to know I know the One
Who saves me from myself and

Twilight, twilight
I'm torn inside my soul tonight
The dawning Day, the dying night
Oh rid my soul of twilight
Oh rid my soul of twilight

Oh Lord, paint my heart a solid hue
The shade of You
Oh Lord, break this dreadful in between
inside of me
Oh let it be morning

Twilight, twilight
I'm torn inside my soul tonight
The dawning Day, the dying night
Oh rid my soul of twilight
Oh rid my soul of twilight

I know the sun is coming up
Oh, the sun is coming up
Yes, the sun is coming up
In me, in me

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Life in the Middle of Nowhere

I have been at prov for exactly one month today, and what a crazy month it has been. In many ways I feel like I've been here forever, and in other ways I feel like I just got here.

I'm a resident assistant this year. The ladies of Lower Sweet are mine. I have some amazing women in my dorm, and I'm really loving this job. I'm not going to say it's been easy, but it has been good. Sitting in the sub-lounges laughing at something stupid, praying for eachother, and forming relationships. It's an awesome role, and I still can't believe that I get to play it. But it's had it's rough days. I love that I get to see the heart of these women, but I also see the hurts of them. This past week, after a few rough days, and a few rough stories, I freaked out. "I can't do this. Who am to do this? God, help!" I voiced these concerns to a friend/fellow RA. He smiled and said, "It's exciting. God is stretching you." So this is what stretching is, huh? It has been a stretching first month.

On an exciting personal note, I was cast in the major production. We are doing "The Miracle Worker." It's the story of Helen Keller, who is blind and deaf, and her teacher, Annie Sullivan who teaches her how to connect language to her world. The exciting news? I'm Annie Sullivan. I haven't done a real stage production in a long time. I almost wet myself when the director told me I had the role. So if you wanna see a really great play, and me with long brown hair (my director informed me yesterday I need to dye my hair.) come out for it.

Drat! Class has ended...I'll write another post soon.



P.S. I have made a blog for one of my classes. I will posting on there quite often in the future, because, well, that one is graded, this isn't. It focuses on the lessons life here at Prov is teaching me. http://aholisticideal.blogspot.com Check it out. :)

Friday, August 25, 2006

Cardboard boxes and conflicting emotions.

It's 9:00 now. It's my last night here in Roseau before I return to my dear Providence. Tomorrow, with my parent's car filled to the brim I will make the hour and forty-five minute drive back to Otterburne, Manitoba to begin my sophomore year. I'm a sophomore in college. Wow, I still feel so young.

I've been looking so forward to going back. My head and heart are so often still at Prov, but my body is here. This summer was, without a doubt, challenging. So much of this summer was in a weird holding pattern, like these last four months were just a break in my life. Somehow Prov has become my life. I wanted so badly to be back in that atmosphere. But tonight as I was putting stuff in my car, washing bed sheets, and counting pairs of socks I was filled with an undeniable...sadness.

My mom always tells me that I don't handle change well. I suppose that's true. Transition has a way of making me a bit quesy in my stomach. I like having a nice, concrete, quietly predictable life. Perhaps that is where faith is most prominant in my life. In the unknown. In a future that I can't plan and journey I can't prepare myself for. To be able to say, okay, God, I have no idea what's going on, but I trust you. Faith in a Higher Power who wants what is best for me, even when my life seems to be written in pencil. Faith even when I feel like I wasted this summer away. And faith that despite everything I should have done this summer, and everything that should have happened, God was at work.

"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."-C.S. Lewis

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Faithful to Me - Jennifer Knapp

All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand beneath the waves
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand
Just to watch them wash away

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I see
Reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You'd understand
You're the one One Who's faithful to me

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly
For a faith to be faithful to me

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To One Who sees past all I see
Reaching out my weary hand, I pray that You'd understand
You're the only One Who's faithful to me

I Heart this song.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

As Promised

As I promised, here is a scan of the cool picture my dearest Lyssa made me. The scan really doesn't do it justice. It's way cooler in person. Oh, if you couldn't tell, that's Me and Alyssa.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Here am I


Summer is on the downslide. I return to my beloved Providence College exactly one month from today. I can hardly believe that fact, but then I can believe it. Sometimes I feel like summer has barely started, and in other ways this summer has been has been never-ending. When I came home for the summer, I thought I thought I knew exactly why God brought me home for the summer. But with so many things in life, when I think I have God and his will figured out He shows me otherwise. Although this summer wasn't what I expected it to be, I did learn a lot.

My time at Lake Bronson Baptist Bible Camp is coming to a close. I counsel for a short retreat this weekend and then I am done for the summer. I'm ready to be done. I love kids, I love counseling, I love camp, but I think my time at LBBBC is done. I don't expect that I will work there again, at least not in such a full time capacity. But I gained that of insight about future ministry work from this summer. Including a dang good leadership quote from my boss, Troy. "A leader doesn't have to know everything, a leader just has to know how to serve." That should be on a bookmark, or a bumper sticker. I think I will make that my personal motto for my year in student leadership at Prov.

Providence! I'm so incredibly excited to go back. A couple weeks ago, it hit me. I want to go back. Right this moment. I have a bad case of Prov Ache. When I look back at my year at Prov, I can see so clearly how God used that year. I have never felt so close to God as when I'm at Prov. I see him in people, I see him in my professors, and I see him in the lessons He teaches. Prov is truly the place where God is most real to me. I'm going to be a Resident Assistant there this year. And I couldn't be more excited for it. I think of how Prov impacted me, and for me to get the chance to help other people be impacted....ooooooooh, man, I'm so excited!!!

This past Sunday, I turned 19 years old. I feel really old. This is my last year as a teenager. In some strange way I always felt that I would have most everything, my life included, figured by the time I reached 20. Ha, somehow I don't think that will be happening. But really, I'm okay with not having this whole life thing figured out. I like that my life still has questions, mysteries, and unknown equations. How boring would it be if I knew it all? It was a lovely birthday though. I got the coolest present EVER from my Lyssa. She's an amazing artist and she did a pencil drawing of us. It is soooo cool. I wanted to post it here on my blog, but it won't work...drat. I shall post it at some point though, promise.

I'm lady of the house for this week. My mom is gone for the week to spend time with my grandpa. He had heart surgery on Tuesday. I clean house, make food, do laundry, I even baked cookies tonight. I'm so domestic. I had to make a shopping list for my dad. It's kind of fun actually, I'm looking forward to getting my own apartment someday, buying "house-y", and taking care of my home.

Ooo! The oven just beeped...my cookies are ready!

Monday, July 17, 2006

Adventures in Camp Counseling

It's now the middle of July and I'm half-way through my summer, including halfway through the the camp schedule at Lake Bronson Baptist Bible Camp. I return to Prov in little over a month. Oi.

Just yesterday I came home from a week of counseling at the Jr. Boys and Girls camp. It's for 3rd-6th graders. It was a wonderful, but extremely exhausting week. I had a cabin of 9 girls, and a co-counselor, Sarah. It was probably one of the best cabins I had ever had. The girls all got along, well, as well as 9 and 11 year olds can get along. Most of girls suffered from home-sickness. So there were a lot of tears on their part, a lot of hugs on my part. My theme for my devotions this week was "Jesus is..." I talked about Jesus is a best friend, Jesus is a King (so we are his princesses), and Jesus is the Good Shepherd. On the last night of camp, I lead the girls through the prayer of salvation, and 3 girls prayed it for the first time! That was the most exciting part of my week for sure. Camp has been hard for me this year, I'm not sure why. Some days it's really hard to make that drive up there. Some days I just don't want to be there. But then, seeing those 3 beautiful girls raise their hands to say that they asked Jesus into their hearts...it's all worth it again.

I also learned a lot for my own spiritual life. The speaker for the camp was excellent. It's been a long time since I have gone through the basics of the Christian faith. Our theme for the week, as well as the summer is "Running the Race". Ever since this past April, I've hit a rather rough patch of the track. There have been a lot of rocks that I have tripped over, a lot of mud that has splashed up on me. During one chapel he spoke of having faith through the hard times. Because of my rather dramatic injury earlier this summer I was used as an example. The speaker said, "And God has taught her things through this experience that she could have learned otherwise. This bad thing has a purpose. She can thank God for this hard time." I almost started crying, can I truly say thank you to God for this hard time? This summer has been the hardest I can ever remember. These past few months have been really really hard. Early this spring, I felt closer to God than I have ever have. Life was falling into place. Praising God was so easy. Then...things went south. And as I sat in that white chapel at camp, I heard God saying, "Can you praise me now?" Can I? Can I thank Him for a pain that seems to have no purpose? Do I truly believe that He knows best? I want to be able to say to my Savior, "Thank you, I don't understand what You're doing, but I do thank you."

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by fixing our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish." -Hebrews 12:1-2a

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

A Lesson in Grace...

I've got a confession to make. I love grace. I love the unfairness of it all. The way it smacks of injustice. The way the God of wrath, power, and justice extended a hand of compassion to me and the rest of humanity. However, I also hate grace. The grace of God holds me to standard that, at times, I don't want to live up to. If the God of the universe can forgive and extend grace to me, I must do the same to others. Grace is wonderful when it is extended to me, but so difficult when I extend it to others. My humanity screams out for fairness and that ever-present longing for vinidication. This summer, so far, has been one of learning what grace really means. I knew what grace from God to me meant, but grace from me to others was something I needed to learn.

I just finished reading the book "Blue Like Jazz" written by Donald Miller. Great book, I highly recommend it. There was one section in that book that stuck me so poinently I had to set the book down on my bedroom floor and lay there for a moment, thinking, "wow. that's me." I could summarize that section, but then I would risk losing the power of it....so here it is, in the words of Donald Miller.

"There was this guy in my life at the time, a guy I went to church with whom I honestly didn't like. I thought he was sarcastic, lazy and manipulative, and he ate with his mouth open so that food almost fell from his chin when he talked. He began and ended every sentence with the word dude. I don't enjoy not liking people, but sometimes these things feel as if you are not in control of them. I never chose not to like the guy. It felt more like the dislike had chosen me. Regardless, I had to spend a good amount of time with him as we were working on a temporary project together. He began to get under my skin. I wanted him to change. I wanted him to read a book, memorize a poem, or explore morality, at least as an intellectual concept. I didn't know how to communicate with him that he need to change, so I displayed it on my face. I rolled my eyes. I gave him dirty looks. I would mouth the word loser when he wasn't looking. I though somehow that he would sense my disapproval and change his life in order to gain my favor. In short, I witheld love. It was selfish, and what's more, it would never work. By withholding love from my friend, he became defensive, he didn't like me, he thought I was judgmental, snobbish, proud, and mean, Rather than being drawn to me, wanting to change, he was repulsed.
I was guilty of using love like money, withholding it to get somebody to be who I wanted them to be. I making a mess of everything. And I was disobeying God. It was clear that I was to love everybody, be delighted at everybody's exsistence, and I fallen miles short of God's aim. The power of Christian spirituality has always rested in repentence, so that's what I did. I repented. I told God I was sorry. I replaced economic metaphor, in my mind, with something different, a free gift metaphor or magnet metaphor. That is, instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on, lavishly. I knew this was the way God loved me. God had never withheld love to teach me a lesson.
After I repented, things were different, but the difference wasn't with my friend, the difference was with me. I was free to love. I didn't have to discipline anybody, I didn't have to judge anybody, I could treat everybody as though they were my best friend, as though they were rock stars or famous poets, as though they were amazing, and to me they became amazing, especially my new friend. I loved him.

Wow. I don't have to cling to justice, or that nagging need for vindication. I can love. Freely, recklessly, lavishly. God didn't send me out into this world to be his justice, and to let people know exactly what the Almightly thinks of their desicions. He sent me to love, like Jesus did, with no strings attached. I'm sure we all have a "dude person" in our lives. I know I do. But this past week, instead of glaring, rolling my eyes, and twisting my face in disdain, I let it all I go. And, you know what, he's a pretty cool dude. Love the "dude" in your life.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

I suppose I have every right in the world to be angry at you
I guess I'm righteous in my indignation
I didn't deserve all that I got from you
I offered you my friendship, support, and companionship and in return you gave me disrespect
Like a ziploc bag I was used and then tossed away
I sat on my bed feeling quite smug at how right I was, and how wrong you were
You wronged me "And you wronged me."
...oh
But I offered everything and I got nothing in return "Sounds famliar."
....not now, Lord
I was being punished for something I never did "So was I."
...No, God, I won't be wrong...
They don't deserve my forgiveness! "And you didn't deserve mine."
...Don't pin this on me!
All my my righteous indignation drained from me
I didn't feel so justified about this
I guess I have to..."yes?"....I suppose I should...."keep going."
Forgive you
A wad of wet kleenex settled in my stomach
You don't deserve it, but then niether did I

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Simplicity of Youth

When I was a kid, things were simple. Life was quite uncomplicated or at least to me it was. And sometimes I can't help but wish that things were the same now as they were then.

When blowing bubbles in the front yard was a great afternoon

When staying awake until 10:30 was next to impossible

When earthworms were fun, not disgusting

When summer lasted forever

When Super Mario Brothers 3 was technology at its finest

When boys were wierd, gross, and to be avoided at all costs, instead of wonderful, fasinating, and powerful

When long division was the most challenging of problems

When a weekly shower seemed exsessive

When 20 dollars was a fortune

When everywhere important on this earth could be reached by bicycle

When moving away from home was incomprehensible

When Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was the best piece of media ever to grace the television

When I didn't know the meaning of the word awkward let alone what an awkward moment was

When being a Christian meant being nice to my little sister

When nobody cared about my leadership skills

When I went through a whole box of band-aids every month

When I would fall asleep listening to Adventures inOddessy

Ohhh...to be young again

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Classifications

I like to put my mistakes into 3 seperate classes

1. Ignorant Mistake: I didn't know any better. I had no idea that this was something that might not be the best idea.

2. Foolish Mistake: I knew better, and if I had thought about it more, I would have made a different choice. Oops.

3. Chemical Mistakes: The only way a sane person could have made that mistake was if they were under the influence of some chemical. But I did it of my own free will and stable mind. Ugh.

Monday, May 22, 2006

It fits like an old sweater...

So I'm back in Roseau, back in my parents house, back with my old friends, back to my "other" life. I have been home little over a week now, and being back here reminds me of trying on an old sweater. It's my sweater, but it doesn't fit me the same way it used to. The sweater makes me uncomfortable. That's how I feel about being home, very uncomfortable. I know that I have changed a lot over the past year, but I feel as though the moment I stepped through the front door of my house all that change in me was gone. I was the same person as when I left in September. And that terrifies me.

I know God wants me back here. I didn't come back home because it was the easy thing, rather Roseau was the last place I wanted to be for the summer. I felt like I had unfinished business here. I have some things in my life that I need to lay to rest. And the only place those things can be buried is Roseau. However, I did not anticipate falling back into my pre-Providence exsistence. I feel like I'm 16 all over again, and not a feeling I especially enjoy. All the same people, all the same struggles, all the same emotions that I left here 8 months ago were waiting for me again.

In church this past Sunday, a woman sang a song called, "If You Want Me To" and I found a line of that song rather encouraging considering my current situation. The line is: "No, I'm not who I was when I took my first step, and I'm clinging to the promise that You're not through with me yet." He's not through me, or any of us, yet.....Thank Goodness.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Tour Journal

Well folks, here it is. Documentation of 18 amazing days I spent on ministry team tour. A lot of cool things happened, and God reminded me of his faithfulness. My first tour was a great experience, so without further ado...TOUR!

Tuesday, April 25th, 2006: Day 1

So today we began our journey with a few minor hiccups. First, was my realization that my suitcase was entirely too full, so I left a pile of clothes and other random things back at Prov. However, my suitcase is the still the largest out of anyone’s. What can I say? I like to be prepared. The next problem was that our vans weren't ready in time for us to leave on schedule, and then we discovered that our U-haul was a couple sizes smaller than we had ordered originally, but with some creative cramming, all of our stuff fit into the u-haul.The drive itself was pretty exciting. We passed through some amazingly beautiful areas of rock faces, thick pine trees, and sparkling lakes. I was quite impressed. Our driver/sound guy, Brad, who is from the Toronto area, takes a more aggressive approach to driving and passing than we simple country folk are used to..or at least than I am used to. We also discovered that our drive takes a lot longer with a trailer. So we ended up at our venue location a bit late. We did a rushed set-up, but everyone took the "team unity" talk we had to heart and pitched in. The program went super-well, and we dined a delicious meal of Mexican food, courtesy of church ladies. I love church ladies. Then came the best part of the day, in my opinion, I got to spend that night at my amazing friend Christina's house. It was like being back at Prov: Christina and Dave Goodman are two of the coolest people I know. And the only way it could get better....you guessed it, FONDUE! So, Me, the Goodman’s, and my tour-mates Barry and Brad all enjoyed fruit covered in melted chocolate. So if the first day of tour is any indication, this should be a wonderful adventure.

Quote of the Day: "Emily, you are a beast, and I mean that in the most feminine way possible."-Andrew Dyck

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006: Day 2

Today began with an early early morning (6:00 am) wake up call. And after a pancake and a cup of coffee, we were off to our first venue of the day. We were performing for the local Christian School, grades K-12. The show was very well received. Despite the fact that our lead singer, Kara, was sick in bed. But Kim and Barry lead in her absence. We also had a question and answer time about Prov for all the high school students. We relived some of our funny, challenging, and awkward moments of this past year at Prov. Then the school overloaded us with more food than we could really even handle. I have never seen so many Pringles in my life. I sadly said goodbye to my beloved Christina...I hate goodbyes. And now, as I write this, I am sitting in a van on our way to Thunder Bay, Ontario, where we will be performing yet again tonight.

Something cool that God has shown me thus far on tour is that even though it is my team that is coming to do ministry, we are being ministered to as well. By having people open their homes to us, prepare food, and listen to our ramblings about Prov and tour, I am really blessed. So I guess ministry really comes in all different forms, all for glorifying the same amazing God. God is good, tour is fun, and we have 16 days left.

Later that same day- It's about 11:16 at night. We have officially crossed into another time zone, for some reason that really excites me. We performed tonight for a small church called Faith Chapel in Thunder Bay, Ontario. I was pleasantly surprised to see an old friend, Pam Reid, (she went to Prov last semester) at the church. I was even more surprised to find that I would be billeting at her house tonight. It was good to see her again and catch up. I'm staying with my tourmates Barry and Andrew tonight, just me and the guys. I try not to feel awkward about it, but it is somewhat uncomfortable. But then again, I've learned that God cares very little about whether I am comfortable or not. The show itself went well, and Kara seems to be feeling a bit better. God has been teaching me and providing for our team in really cool ways. Kara has been able to stay at a nurse's house for the last two nights. They have both been kind enough to care for her and change the dressing on her rather infected wound. This puts Kara (and consequently all of us) at ease knowing that it will be able to heal properly. Also, after chatting with Pam a bit tonight, she talked about what a blessing it was for us to come. Our theme for the night and the devotional was on unity, and Pam said that the Pastor had just started a sermon series on that very topic, so we, hopefully, we able to give a little extra encouragement to the congregation. Also, tonight, I was really encouraged personally. When Aslan's child began to play their first song of the night this little girl, maybe 4 or 5 year old, comes to the front of the room, and grabs a small ring with ribbons tied to it. And she proceeded to dance. She twirled and she spun in circles without a care in the world. I wish I could be that uninhibited before God. To not care who was looking, or who might think I look like an idiot. Faith like a child...hmmm...I'm still working on that one. Pam's Brother, Kevin, has graciously offered to treat me, Barry, and Andrew to Tim Horton's Coffee in the morning. I look forward to all that God has in store for tomorrow.

Quote of the Day: "Watch out for nude sleep-walkers."-Kent Thessien


Thursday, April 27th, 2006: Day 3

Today was an adventure! This was by far the most exciting and challenging day of tour. I arose around at 7:15, I was surprisingly well-rested. I went into the guys’ room to wake them up, only to discover that they both sleep in various stages of undress. Little Awkward. I took a shower in the nicest bathroom that I have even seen in my life. The bathroom was larger than 2 of the dorm rooms at Prov. It was wonderful. We then went to Tim Horton's and enjoyed a good morning cup of coffee. We then had a team meeting and a devotional time. It was really good to get refocused on what we were doing on this tour. God put it on my heart to remember that rather than praying for him to work, I need to remember that he is always working and I asked him to open my eyes.
Today's travels took us through some of the most beautiful country that I have ever seen. Mountains, including one called "The Sleeping Giant", were along the way. As a lovely parting gift from the last church, we received a Thunder Bay delicacy...Persians! They are these completely delicious Cinnamon rolls covered in cherry icing-available only in Thunder Bay. We then begin the roughly 5 hour drive to Wawa, Ontario. We made a stop about an hour in the drive for our wonderful Kara to puke on the side of the road, her illness is rough. About another hour later, Eric, the driver of the Astro Van, radioed us and said that the transmission was having some issues. We stopped at this little co-op to check things out, and that brought my personal sketchy bathroom count to 1...ish. We couldn't figure out what was wrong with the van, so we all gathered around it, laid hands on the Astro, now renamed 'Hope', and it got us through to Wawa. We made another stop about another hour later for Kara, who was once again feeling ill.
We then pulled into the tiny town of Wawa and set up for the show. We had another delicious dinner; I seriously think that I may gain 20 pounds on this trip. It was a rather small turn-out, about 20 people, but those who came were very enthusiastic. Prov Players were even asked to do another skit at the end, our first encore! I was then off to my billet for the night, I was staying with Nicole. We stayed with the Arnold family. They have 9 kids! All of whom are really great. Their oldest daughter at home, Jillian, is one of the coolest young women I have ever met. She writes, paints, models, rock climbs, fishes, and mountain bikes. And she was also one of the prettiest people I have ever met. I got the impression that she gets a bit lonely at times. So she showed me some of the photos she had taken from last summer and some of her writings. I thought it was really cool how she let me, a total stranger, read something that was so personal and private. She also gave up her bed for me and Nicole to sleep in. Nicole and I had a nice talk about relationship, guys, and where that all fits into life. Today was full and exciting, and I'm sure tomorrow will bring even more surprises.

Today's Totals: Number of Moose Sighted: 2
Number of Sketchy Bathrooms: 1
Number of Awkward Moments: 3
Number of stops for sickness: 2


Quote(s) of the Day: "This town is total sketch-bag" -Eric Postma "Duct tape fixes everything but a broken heart"-Barry Buhler
"Here moosey-moosey-moosey!" Andrew Dyck


Friday, April 28th, 2006: Day 4

Today was really a fabulous day. I woke up around 8:15, and ate a bowl of cereal with the lovely family I was billeting with. Everyone came and picked us up and we were off to our next destination-St. Josephs Island. Apparently, St. Joes Island is the second largest fresh water island in the world. The drive here today was INCREDIBLE. Just when I thought creation couldn't get anymore beautiful, today happens. Lake Superior, mountains, and pine trees for miles. The area up here is so unpolluted by...anything...it's really quite isolated from civilization. The drive was only about 3 hours and we arrived on the Island around 2:00. We are all spending the night at the Puddingstone Country Inn. It's an adorable bed and breakfast run by Phil and his wife Bonnie. And, much to my amusement, the phone number for the Inn is 1-800-PUDDINN. We all spent the afternoon here relaxing, enjoying the beautiful Lake Superior, and I took a much needed nap. We were treated to a great home cooked dinner and then we left for our show at the Pim Street Community Church. Phil is the pastor of the church. It was a really small turnout...maybe 15 people, but it went really well, and our skits got a lot of laughs. We came back to the Inn and they served us dessert. Today was a really great chance to relax and spend some down-time as a team. Even though it's only been four days, I feel very tired and drained. And Phil and Bonnie have totally babied us. They have gone the extra mile to make sure that we are comfortable. I really never thought of hospitality as much of a ministry before, but now I see how powerful of a ministry it is. I want my own home to be a place of peace and rest where people can come and just feel like somebody really cares about them. I think that is a pretty stellar way to show the love of God.

Quote(s) of the Day:
"If this van was a woman she would be single."-Andrew Dyck
"Let's just pray that the only thing that comes out of my mouth tonight is a song." -Kara Hamm (in reference to prayer for her illness)

Saturday, April 29th, 2006: Day 5

I arose this morning at a lovely 9:15...it's sad to me that 9:15 is sleeping in. The sunlight was streaming through the window, I opened my curtains, and there was Lake Superior, sparkling in all its beauty. I took a shower and then decided to go for a walk to the Lake. (It's only about 20 yards) When I was walking toward Lake Superior, all I could think of was "Seriously? I'm really here? I'm actually at a bed and breakfast on an Island in Lake Superior? I'm surrounded by some of the most beautiful creation I have ever seen and the God who created it all knows my name?" I sat on the pier for a while, and dangled my feet into the water, it was frigid, but I didn't care. I talked with God and marveled at his creation. It was one of the most peaceful moments that I can recall. I sadly returned inside for our team meeting and brunch courtesy of Phil and Bonnie. Andrew led our team devotion this morning and talked about perservence. He's been reading through Pilgrims Progress and he shared a section out of the book with us. He said something that I found incredibly interesting, God provides us with armor to stand against Satan and his attacks. The sword of truth, the shoes of peace, etc. However, something that I had never realized before is that there is no armor for our backs. The bible never talks about something to cover our backs, all the armor is on the front of the body. Which leads to only one possible conclusion, God didn't give us armor for our backs because we can only go forward. Christians are not to turn tail and run away, we only have one choice, to face it head-on. Very cool.
Brunch was amazing! Waffles, Potatoes, Oranges, Sausage! It was soooo delicious. After eating, we said a sad goodbye to Phil and Bonnie and thanked them for their hospitality. Awaiting us was a 7 hour drive to Bradford. Needless to say, it was a loooooong drive. I slept and listened to every CD I own at least once. The scenery was once again gorgeous. We also saw two wolves just standing along side of the road. We finally arrived at Bradford Baptist Church, a lovely church set on a hill, overlooking the Ontario farmland- complete with rolling hills. Everyone was super hyper and a bit on edge from being stuck in the vans all day. And tensions began to run a little high amongst the Prov. Players as we ran through one of our skits. A small argument ensued, which I stayed out of, I hate conflict as much as always. Finally, we sort of got things settled thanks to Joy, (our staff member who comes on tour to keep things running smoothly). But some people were still frustrated and had some hurt feelings. So the Prov Players had a little meeting, people vented, we discussed how to make decisions and prayed, so I think things will go a better now. I hope. I realized that if I'm going to be an RA next year, which I am, I need to work on my conflict resolution skills...without bursting into tears. As soon as our meeting ended our billets arrived to pick us up. I got to spend the night with Kim, whom I adore. We stayed with Mr. and Mrs. Walker, a younger couple with 2 little daughters. Their house is probably one of the most beautiful, and clean, homes that I have ever seen. It was really good evening of relaxing, eating candy and talking about canoe trips and geo-caching. The Walkers are an adventurous family. It felt really good to relax and just be able to laugh after a stressful evening.

Quote of the Day: "I just sat on the cat." -Mr. Walker

Sunday, April 30th, 2006: Day 6

Today was yet another early morning. I woke up at 6:30, took a shower, and Kim and I joined the Walker family for breakfast. They do breakfast fancy style, right down to the fresh berries floating in the juice. We arrived at the church and began to set up for the first of the two services that morning. Both of which went really well, the congregation was so warm and receptive to us. Then we had a quick lunch and drove about an hour and half to Whitby. We were performing at Hebron Church for their SNL (Sunday Night Live) program. The church was huge to accommodate the 300-400 youth that were expected. The program went so well, it was really exciting to see Aslan's Child perform with younger crowds. Then there is a lot more energy and a lot more volume. Nicole shared her testimony which was really cool to hear. After the program, my dearest Sarah McEachren picked me up. I thought I wasn't staying with her until tomorrow night, so I was a bit surprised. Sarah and her parents, both of whom are really cool people, drove me back to their house is Mississauga. The city lights of Toronto were amazing as we drove through. I never used to like cities, they always seemed so busy, and even though cities are full of people they always felt very impersonal to me. But now I am coming to see the unique beauty of a city: the lights, the diversity, the high rise building, and to be honest, I absolutely love it! Sarah and I sat up late catching up on each others lives since we'd last seen one another a week ago...and we updated one another on the last Prov gossip. It's amazing how even once school is out for summer break our lives are still so intertwined. I came to yet another odd realization, this tour I had been dreading in so many ways, and these people that I thought would drive me nuts at times are becoming like a weird sort of family. When I realized that I would be spending the whole day tomorrow with Sarah and not seeing the team, I felt a bit sad inside. So strange.

Quote of the Day: "Emily, You look like Garth Brooks."-Kent Thessien


Monday, May 1st, 2006: Day 7

Today was wonderful! I actually slept in until 10:15 this morning. Then Sarah and I went into her kitchen where she made me some of her famous chocolate chip pancakes for brunch. Then we got all prettied up and went....drum roll please...SHOPPING! She took me to the Square One Mall; I have never been in a mall that huge before. However, Sarah being the city girl in every sense of the word knew exactly what she was doing. We hit all great stores, including Old Navy, I bought 4, count 'em 4 pairs of flip-flops for 16 dollars. I love shopping. Then she took me to this adorable little shop in Toronto called "Magenta". It was tempting to buy this little tea set there, but I'm not sure how much my team out appreciate me trying to fit a tea set into our already overstuffed van. We drove back to Sarah's house and I was once again falling in love with the unique beauty of the city. Her dad grilled us dinner and made this incredible Greek salad. After dinner, it was time to for another brand new and exciting experience for me: Ikea! Sarah, her mom, and I spent 2 full hours ooing and ahhing over dressers, place settings, and pillow shams. It was so much fun; I think I should get a hope chest to fill with Ikea merchandise. After we left Ikea, they took me to see the Toronto skyline all lit up, it was so beautiful. High rise buildings poured out light, the sky dome glowed an eerie blue light, and then there was the black oblivion off to the left that is Lake Ontario. I was yet again amazed by the beauty of the city. I never used to like traveling much; I was pretty content with my simple existence in Roseau. But this tour has really shown me that there is so much more to my world than my little bubble. There are so many new and exciting places in this world to see, and quite frankly, I want to see them all. New cultures to experience, new parts of creation to marvel at, new...everything. There is a world out there in need of a savior, and I want to help to bring it to them.

Quote of the Day: "Mom, I know you were a flower child and everything, but please, that mug is ugly."-Sarah McEachern


Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006: Day 8

Today was an early morning, I woke up at 5:30, then Sarah and I took her dad to his job, he works at TV studio in Toronto. He ordered us both a black coffee at Tim Horton's and then Sarah and I were off to Saint Catherines for a show at the Eden Christian High School. The school itself was pretty unique in that the bottom floor of the school was a public high school, and the top floor was a Christian High School. As we were setting up, a surprise guest arrived, Matt Shantz, a friend from Prov who lives in St. Catherines came to see the show. The show itself went really well, there were about 500 students in attendance; I had the chance to give my testimony. I was pretty nervous about giving it, but I think it went well. Hopefully, it impacted some people's heart. I wish sometimes that I could see the fruits of the ministry more quickly, but God doesn't always work on my time table. After the show, we went to...NIAGARA FALLS! It was so incredibly beautiful, we walked along the path, at marveled at the amazing creation. The sound was so cool. I could actually feel the spray of the water. The area is also populated with very...um...friendly seagulls. So I have seen my first of the 7 World Wonders. 1 down...6 to go. Then we all went back to Matt Shantz's house to hang out, relax, and catch up on some sleep. It was really surreal for some reason, sitting in Matt's House, checking my e-mail. I never expected my Prov Life and my other life to collide quite like that. Sadly, we had to leave the comfort of Matt's home and return to life on the road. We had a show at another little church. The congregation was really receptive to us. We also met a few really cool people our age, Zach, Kelsey, and Tory. I've kind of forgotten what it's like to talk to people who aren't over the age of 30. Ha. I stayed with Nicole and Kim at our billet. Mr. Devires was employed as a chainsaw wood carver. He only had 8 fingers, I noticed. Occupational Hazard.



Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006: Day 9Early Mornings. I hate early mornings. I awoke for the second morning in a row at 5:30 am. We ate breakfast and drove the 15 minutes through the lovely countryside back to the church and we drove off to a Christian School about 2 hours away. When we arrived at the school the principal informed us that the student body was a little bit on edge this morning because the night before a girl in the school had been in a major car accident and was in the hospital in critical condition. It was pretty obvious that God had a known in advance that we needed to be there that morning. We led worship, did some skits, and then Andrew shared about his experience with Jamie and Jordan's death. He did a really amazing job, and God worked through him. Andrew told us later that a guy had approached him afterward to talk about a friend he had lost. Andrew talked and prayed with him and shared with him a bit about perseverance, his favorite topic. The guy, whose name was Mittu, told Andrew that he was really struggling because he didn't have a very good support system for his faith; his parents were both devout Muslims. That was really hard to hear, I felt so spoiled. We left the school knowing that God really had wanted us to be for him to work in that school. Then we went to Joy's parents’ house to spend a few hours resting before our show that night. I met the youngest Lise, Justina, who reminded me so much of Juanita. We lead a youth night for Justina's youth group, that went very well and we were very well received. Barry gave his testimony and he talked about some of the really exciting places that God is taking him, so much more than he ever imagined. He and I talked a bit afterward about following God's leading and waiting in anticipating for what he will do. And that got me thinking, when was the last time that I waited with excitement for what God is going to do? When was the last time I was eager for that? These past couple months have been so hard that I have a hard time waking up and not thinking, Gee, I wonder what kind of crisis will happen today? Food for thought.



Thursday, May 4th, 2006: Day 10

Yet another early morning. 5:30 a.m. again. I stayed at the Lise house with Kara, Kim, and Joy. Her mother made us a lovely breakfast and we were off to another early show at a Christian High School. Everything went well, despite our rather late arrival. We spent some time talking with and hang out with the students before leaving for Boston. Boston, Ontario that is. We had a show at the Baptist church there that evening. The church building itself was amazing. Very old, all brick, and the most beautiful stained glass windows I have ever seen. The pastor told us that windows were put in during the 1840's...Wow. Brad led us in team devotions and he talked about all the amazing things that God has done on this tour and how he had protected us. The service that evening was really good, but I just felt really drained. I felt weak and dry physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I really wanted to worship God with all I had, but I felt like I had nothing left to offer him. I felt a bit guilty too because I am on this tour to do ministry and offer my gifts and love to other people, but that's very hard to do when I feel so dry. I prayed for God to refresh me and restore my passion. I was billeted with Nicole that night. We stayed with a really sweet couple. The husband owned 3 mini-coopers that were his pride and joy. I had a whole room to myself, which was a nice break. As I turned the lights out, I discovered that the ceiling of my room was covered in glow in the dark stars. Stars are one of my favorite things and seeing them always turns my thoughts God-ward. I found the cheesy pieces of plastic strangely encouraging. I felt like God was saying, I know you're tired and feeling drained. But I'm still here; I'll give you strength and joy. Look at Me.



Friday, May 5th, 2006: Day 11

Early morning again. Awake at 5:30 again. However, I couldn't help but be excited because tonight I got to see my dearest friend, Bethany Lambshead, I was really excited all day to see her again. It had been 2 weeks since we had last seen each other and I missed her terribly. We made the hour-long drive to London for a performance at yet another Christian High School. It went really well, but the whole team was feeling drained from the intense schedule this week. Then we drove to Byron Community Church in London, it's Jeremy, a team member's home church. We set up and then had a picnic in the park. Aren't we such a cute little family? We spent some time at Jeremy's house before heading to the church for the show. I walked up the stairs and was bear hugged by MY BETHANY LAMBSHEAD! It felt sooooo good to see her again. True friend are hard to come by and Bethany is the truest of the true. The show went really well and Brad, our sound guy shared his testimony. He was very open about what has happened in his life. I found it really encouraging, because of something that had been on my heart the past few days. So many Christians, myself included, wear a mask. We are told to pretend that everything is okay, and that we don't question the ways of God. But if the world can't see our humanity, how can the see the divinity of God within us? After the show, I went home with Bethany and her family to stay the night in Ingersoll, Ontario. After a quick stop at Wendy's for some comfort food...mmm...fries in frosty, me and Bethany stayed up late eating peanut butter cookies and watching The Chronicles of Narnia. (Which, by the way, is sooo good!) I think we fell asleep sometime around 4:00am *giggle*

Saturday, May 6th, 2006: Day 12

Today was a rather amazing day, in my opinion anyway. My body crashed today and I slept in until 11:00. Bethany and her folks returned me to London to meet the rest of the team and we said a most sad goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I lead team devotions today; the theme in our little devotional-travelly-booklet-things was discouragement. I thought that was rather ironic, considering that is the area that God has really been teaching me in and through. I think it went well. Then it was off to another city, Chatham, Ontario for a show at St. Paul’s Congregational Church. We were performing for their youth group. The youth pastor was a man named Chris Quiring, his younger brother, Mike, is a student at Prov. I had to keep reminding myself all evening that I wasn't talking to Mike...weird. I was asked to share my testimony at the meeting, of course, I said I would. But something in my heart didn't feel right, the testimony that I had written out and prepared didn't feel right, was this just nerves or something more? We had team prayer time and they prayed for me and my testimony. One of the girls in the group prayed this "God, give Emily your words to say, even if that means her testimony is drastically altered." It was then that I knew God wanted me to share something else, something that I really didn't want to share. But I told Joy, our team advisor that I was going to share something different than I had planned. But as the program began, I got more and more nervous, was this really from God? I voiced my fears to Joy and she prayed with me and I knew that I had to share this. So I did. It was really hard thing to do, and I'm pretty sure my voice was really shaking, but I did it. After the program, a lot of people thanked me for being so open and honest about my life. One young woman came up to me and shared that she had been ministering to 15 year old girl who was going through the same thing as I was, and she had gotten a call from this girl's mother saying that she had committed suicide. Wow, that was really really hard to hear. This girl felt so alone in her situation that she ended her life. I'm not sure why God had me share what I did tonight, but if any of you think of it, pray for this girl and her family. After the show, I was feeling really drained, spiritually and emotionally. Joella and I left with our billet, Kathy. To our great joy, when Kathy pulled into her driveway, we discovered that Kathy lived in and owned a Victorian Bed and Breakfast. The house was incredible. Joella and I shared a room with a king-size bed, complete with down comforter, and our own bathroom with a Jacuzzi bathtub. Wow. And Kathy shared with us the incredible story of how God dropped this business into her lap. I love that we serve a God who cares about the littlest details in our lives. I feel asleep feeling very loved by the most High.

Sunday, May 7th, 2006: Day 13

Joella and I were greeted this morning by and incredible breakfast of fresh fruit and waffles with whipped cream. We were spoiled, and the team was really jealous when they picked us up for church. We went to a lovely little church to lead their morning service. I have never met a more welcoming and generous congregation than Wheatley.
Barry led the team in a morning devotional on encouragement. I could tell that it really lifted everyone's, including my own, spirits. After the service, we ate the most amazing church potluck I have ever had. Homemade pecan pie..mmm. After lunch, Kim and I departed for our billets. Dave and Sue, and their 2 kids Tyler and Tabitha. They are a really close knit family. They took us on a little sight-seeing tour of the area. Including a drive past the Heinz Ketchup Factory...eeeewwww. They also took us to The Pelee Point National Park. It was a fun trip, complete with souvenir maps. It was like being on a weird family vacation...with people I met 3 hours prior. Kim and I walked to the point...the southern most point in all of Canada that is. We also stood on the 42 parallel, the same parallel as Rome and Barcelona, and we have pictures to prove it. We spent the rest of the evening hanging out with the family and we turned in early. My bedtime is now 10:00...wow, I feel old and gray.

Monday, May 8th, 2006: Day 14

I woke up today with a certain excitement in me. I was going into the states! More specifically, Michigan, Indiana, and Illinois. I hadn't been into the states since sometime in March- I was excited. After one last stop at our beloved Tim Horton's for ice capps. and to toss out the contraband fruit before the Detroit crossing. We crossed the border with a bit of trouble; we had to stand around for a half an hour while they checked out our IDs. We then proceeded to drive roughly 8 hours through the rather gridlocked freeways surrounding Chicago. However, we had fun in spite of the brutal drive. Brad and I looked at the yearbook and talked about whom was fun, sketchy, and relived some memories. We also watched Gone in 60 Seconds, I love that movie. By the time we got to Judson College, just outside of Chicago, we were all tired and hungry. So we went to Giadonio's for some authentic Chicago style deep dish pizza. It was incredible; I ate one piece and was full. I roomed with Kara...whom I have really come to adore.

Quote of the day: "C'mon Emily, You're an American, work your magic" -Kara, at the border crossing

Tuesday, May 9th, 2006: Day 15

This morning started off great-STARBUCKS! After a wonderful blackberry green tea drink, we began another excruciatingly long drive to Colombia Heights, Minnesota...my home state. We pulled into a restaurant for dinner around 8:30 that night and that's when our beloved Astro, Hope, began to spew smoke from under the hood. After a few moment of panicking, all the guys sticking their head under the hood and muttering "well, it looks like the (insert name of car part here) is all (insert random car problem here)", we had dinner and called the church to inform them of our misfortune. They sent over a mechanic from the church, every church should have a mechanic, he assured us that is was nothing too serious and we went to the church, and then to our billets. Kim and I stayed in a charming little camper-trailer in the front yard of our billets home. It was kind of like having our own apartment- we nicknamed our humble little abode "The Mallard Inn" We watched a bit of the local news, laughed at the cheesy little local commercials, and fell asleep.

Quote of the Day: "Welcome to Wisconsin, land of dairy farms and Laura Harsdorf."-Barry

Wednesday, May 10th, 2006: Day 16

I'm really not sure what happened to cause everyone to be in a rather crabby mood this morning, but we all seemed to be a bit tense for some reason. To make matters worse, our dearest hope wasn't feeling so well, so Joy and Eric took her to the car doctor. But we all know the cure for stress and crabbiness-SHOPPING. The team spent a few hours in the Mall of America, wandering and shopping. Then we returned to the church for a little down time. I found a couch and took a nap. We ate a banquet with the confirmation students and then lead the service. It went really well. And people actually cheered when I said I was from Roseau...no more boos from large Canadian crowds. Kim and I returned home early and fell asleep early again.

Quote of the Day: "Barry is one of the seven deadly sins."-Eric

Thursday, May 11th, 2006: Day 17

Almost there! We're all really ready for home. The anticipation is killing us all. But we also prayed this morning that God would give us joy and enthusiasm for tonight-our last show together. It was about a 6 hour drive from the Twin Cities to Cooperstown, North Dakota. We arrived at the church, which used to be the community school, but is now being converted to a rather incredible church. We set up and then ate a massive pizza buffet--The Tour 26 Pounds is close at hand. We had our last official team meeting. It was actually really sad. I realized that these people that I had spent every waking minute with for the last 17 days, laughing and ministering with, I realized that I would have to say goodbye to them tomorrow. We prayed and prepared for our last event. The Pastor said that although it is an older congregation, things needed to be shaken up a bit...don't hold, play it loud. Us? Hold Back? Never. We gave, in my opinion, one of our best programs so far. They even asked Aslan's Child for an encore. After the dismissal, we all gathered on the stage and thanked God for 17 amazing days. This tour had the fingerprints of God all over it. Nicole, Reid, Joella, and I went to our last billet. And tomorrow...HOME!

Quote of the Day: Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Jesus.
Jesus who?
Jesus wants to save you.
-Reid

Friday, May 12th, 2006: Day 18

Everyone was in a great mood this morning. We were going home. The mood in the van was light, we laughed about all the crazy, awkward, and sketchy situations that had happened. Barry drove the van a bit crazy...we all wanted to get home fast. We crossed the border hassle free and stopped in tiny St. Joseph, Manitoba for a pit stop and a prayer time. We offered our summers up to God, as well as all the people we met on tour, and thanked him for his provision and for sustaining us. As soon as the bell tower of Providence was visible, I was filled with joy. As the school grew closer and closer I was reminded of God's faithfulness. He's always guiding us...he guided us all of tour...and guided us home again. We unpacked the vans, and said goodbye to one another. My first tour was amazing...and I have a feeling that this won't be my last.

Quote of the Day: "For all of you who have never been on tour before, just remember that when you get home, nobody cares."-Joy

Monday, April 24, 2006

And in other news...

Now, it's time for Emily to announce her summer project...or at least part of the summer. I am in a touring drama ministry team here at Providence called the Prov. Players, we do little skits and scenes for churches and youth groups in the area. We perform these shows with the school worship band, "Aslan's Child". And tomorrow afternoon, we all leave for our 17 day tour of southern Ontario, and the US. We will be performing in Toronto, Chicago, and Minneapolis, among other places. It's an exciting adventure and I'm excited to see what God will do. And for the next 17 days I am going to keep a journal of all my experiences on tour. My trusty lap top will be accompaning me on the excursion, so each day I will write an entry and post here, on my blog. Because internet use is somewhat limited, a post may not appear everyday. However, I will be writing an entry each day, so more than one day may be posted at a time. So if you're interested, check it out.

-Em

Echoing Rooms...

Yesterday was, without a doubt, one of the hardest days of my life. After 9 months, of living with, laughing with, and crying with the people here at Prov I said goodbye. We had to return to our "lives", but over the course of 9 months Prov has become my life. People who know me better than anyone lived here. Now my dorm is completely empty, except for me, I wandered in and out of the rooms of my best friends' rooms and I couldn't stand the emptiness. This year holds so many memories, some good, some bad. I feel like I blinked and the year was gone. I never dreamed that a place that I was so scared to come to would become a place that I am terrified to leave. I wonder how well I will fit in when I go back to Roseau, I've changed in so many ways..what if I don't fit into my old life again? What if nothing back home has changed, but I have? Or even more frightening, what if everything at home has changed, and I don't fit in with those changes anymore? What if I can't pick up where I left off?

Ontario, Europe, Nova Scotia, Alberta, British Colombia, Taiwan, New Brunswick, and Quebec, thosands of miles now seperate me and some of my favorite people. I said goodbye to Bethany, a girl who is my kindred spirit. I said goodbye to Cassy, a person that I hope to be like someday. I said goodbye to my RA, Jaunita, who made coming to Providence less scary. I said goodbye to Cassia, my roomate, a woman who I shared my room and my life with for the last year. I said goodbye to Zach and Dan, who are 2 of the most amazing men I know. I said "see you later" to a guy that I deeply didn't want to say goodbye to, but I knew it was the best thing for the both of us. I said goodbye to Sarah, a girl who told me everyday that I was beautiful. I said goodbye to Matt, a guy who helped to restore my faith in a lot of things. I said goodbye to Lisa, a woman who loves Jesus with all she is. I feel like a big chunk of me is missing. I love these people. In some ways it makes me wonder if all of life is a series of goodbyes, old friends leave, new people come. I know beyond a doubt that God is more faithful than I can even grasp. He will provide for me, for my friends, and for our futures together and seperate. But it doesn't make those goodbye moments any easier.

"There are far better things ahead, than any we leave behind." -C.S. Lewis

Friday, April 07, 2006

Hope Vs. Reality?

What I am about to write seems very ironic in light of my last post. Today I will write about how I have been holding on to a false hope. When things that I don't want to happen, do happen, I often find myself bordering on delusional. I want things to be right again so badly, that I can convince myself of almost anything. "It's probably not as bad as I think it is." "There's still a chance it could work out." Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was debating in my mind whether this was a good thing or not. On the one hand, hope is a good thing. Hope is what keeps us going when everything else is gone. Hope can make things seem brighter during times of darkness. But, on the other hand, if that hope isn't based in reality, is hope really a good thing? Then again, is any hope really based on reality? I'm still looking for the answers to these questions.

I was talking with my friend Cassy last night. (She's one of the wisest, most grounded people I have ever known) I was telling her about this hope that I had been holding on to and here's what she said, "Emily, you can't. You can't keep holding on to that. You're just going to go crazy if you do that. You're never going to get over all this if you don't let go."

Let go. I don't want to let go. Letting go is scary. Letting go hurts. Letting go feels like the end of a dream. So, here lies the big question, should I give up this hope I have been holding on to, or do I let go and move on?

-Em

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Tonight I realized I have a demon. A contast figure on my shoulder that colors all I see in the world around me. A cold calculating presence that seems to alter my reality. And it's name: Cynicism. It's an ugly, ugly beast and I'm not sure when I became such a cynic. In high school, I was told to be the textbook idealist. Emily loved her happy endings. But somehow, while I was distracted by life, I became a cynic. The romantic movies I used to love now make me gag. The promises of the people around me seem to be empty even before they say them.

When it comes down to it, cynicism is a loss of hope. That inner belief that it's all going to work. In my head, the debate raged, "Of course you're cynical! Look at this last year! How can you not be? You have every right in this world to be angry and jaded." I felt justified in being cynical, life has handed me some hard realities these past couple weeks. But then, how can I, a woman who claims to wear the love of Christ on her sleeve really be so cynical? "Love always trusts, always hopes." Ouch. There it was, in plain English. Love always hopes. If I love Jesus, and his love is in me, hope comes with the package. That's a challenge for me. When I look at my life, and the life of many of my closet and dearest friends injustice is all lit up in neon lights. None of this is fair. Her happy ending didn't come. His dreams were stepped on. I have experienced life this year, and the more I see of this world the more I'm thrilled that this planet is a detour for something far better. Experience has taught me that humanity is horribly cruel, and unfathomable fallible. Why? Unfortunately, I have realized that there is no good answer for any of these questions. But for me, a follow of Christ, the only answer is to keep on hoping.

-"Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows."-David T. Wolf

Monday, March 27, 2006

10 Things I Love. 10 Things I Hate.

10 Things I Love

1. Jesus
2. Laughter
3. Curly Hair
5. Stars
6. Buttered Popcorn
7. My Sister's Honesty
8. Daises
9. Flip-flop Sandals
10. Cities at Night in the Winter

10 Things I hate

1. Funerals
2. Rejection
3. Fleeting Time
4. Linkin Park
5. Scripture taken out of Context
6. Lying
7. Lincoln Towncars
8. Saying Goodbye
9. Silence of the Lambs
10. Injustice

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I Love My Sister

This is a story my sister, Cierra, told me today:


Cierra:*walks to kitchen cause toast should be done* *Cierra looks at toaster* "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! FIRE!!! SCOTT!! AHHHHHHH, FIRE!!!!!!" *Jumps up and down*

Scott:*Runs downstairs* "What are you doing!!?!?"

Cierra:"BURNING THE KITCHEN DOWN!!"




Enough said.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Every blessing you pour out, I'll turn back to praise...

Do you ever feel like your life is going so wonderfully well that something has to go wrong? That the bottom of the cloud has to fall out from under you at some point, but you are enjoying the ride so much that you don't even care? That's how I feel about my life right now. I cannot believe how richly God has been blessing me. How do I deserve any of the wonderful things that He has given me? The answer is quite simple: I don't. I don't deserve to have the Lord of the Universe care about the details of my life. To listen to my often whiny little prayers, but he does. And that astounds, amazes, and humbles me beyond words. Wow. So, I thought I'd fill you all in on some of the amazing ways God has been blessing me. Not because I wan't to brag about it, or rub in your face, but because I want to give honor to God and his kindness in writing.

I have been accepted as a Resident Assistant at Providence next year. And I'm excited beyond words. It was a long process, and a stressful one for me, a worrier. But each step of the way I felt God guiding me. He put some really great people in my life to encourage me in it. I wanted to be one so much, but it amazes me that God cared about what I wanted. Why would God even notice what I wanted? But he did, I'm excited for the things that he is going to teach me through the experience.

I had been really worried about money lately. I realized how little I had, and how much I needed. I prayed about this for a couple of months. And God provided me with a solid summer job, and an on-campus job. I can begin saving for school next year a lot sooner now, and actually buy myself some shampoo. God not only provides for my needs, but so often he provides for my wants as well.

I have also realized how faithful God has been in providing remarkable people to be my friends. I worried that I would make no friends at college and become a social recluse. But no, God gave me amazing friends. These are people that teach me, encourage me, and laugh with me. I realized this semester how blessed I am with friends, and I wonder how I ever got along without the likes of Bethany, Cassy, and Lisa.

So what should my response be when my Savior causes a flood of blessing to knock me off my feet? I like the way a line from the song "Blessed Be Your Name" expresses it. "Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise." That's what I need to do. To yell from the mountains who my God is and how great he is. With the blessings he has placed in my life, I want to make him proud of me. I want to make my Jesus smile....he makes me smile.

-Em

Saturday, February 11, 2006

An Open Letter to a God Who Knows All

What is this supposed to look like? What does desperate devotion to You look like? Will I know when I have surrendered everything to You? How can I know what your will is? There are so many questions I have to ask, so many answers I need to know. But I am small, and you are great. I am finate, and you are infinate. There's so much I don't know. I fear myself to be completely inadequate forever. I don't pretend to understand all that you do, all that you promise, or all that you are. But, you are. And somehow I need to wrap my pathetic little mind around that. And sometimes that task seems so great, that I want to curl up in a little ball on the floor and hide from what I don't know. Then, you tell me that what I don't know doesn't matter to you. You don't expect me to understand all you are, but you love me in spite of my total ignorance. You love me in spite of how many times I get so scared by how much I don't that I run away from your presence. As if trying to figure out life on my own is somehow easier to do. All I know is that you a good and that you love me. And that must be enough.

Monday, January 30, 2006

I have nothing.

This past weekend, my college put on a large Christian conference for Senior High Schoolers. It was an awesome weekend with a lot of awesome young people converging on my campus. They screamed, applauded, cried, and worshiped. I had a few different responsibilties and enjoyed the whole event quite throughly. I also saw Kutless in concert for the second time. Seeing that many people so excited about worshiping God through music was amazing.

The highlight of the weekend for me personally was going to a workshop put on by a friend. He talked about the inward battle that rages inside of all Christians. The battle of my will and wants versus God's will and wants for me.

For the past couple of weeks I have been plauged by a horrible fear of dissapointing God. I want so much to please him and make him proud of me. But it seemed that every where I turned I was falling short. I had begun to hate everything I did. I was so angry at myself for not wanting all that God wanted. I saw the selfishness inside of me so clearly. Why can't I just want what God wants? I felt like such a failure. This feeling settled in the pit of my stomach, so much so that I found myself gaging in the washroom a few times this past week. And on this past Friday night I went to a late night worship session with a couple of friends. As I looked up at the words on the screen I wanted so much to mean the words, but I knew I didn't. I curled up on the chair and sat there watching my friends worship. I hated my humanity so much.

The next day, Saturday, I went to my friend's workshop. He showed a clip of Golom/Smegal from the Lord of the Rings movie. I felt like that little creature, always fighting my own self. It was so encouraging to hear someone talk about the battle. It was if God was saying, "You're not alone. All my children face this. Keep seeking me." In the workshop, he played a song that had been stuck in my head and heart all week. As he pushed the button on the C.D. player and the first words of the song came on, I fought back tears. Jesus is all I have. My humanity matters nothing. I have nothing without Jesus.

So I thought I'd post the lyrics to this song, I hope you find it as encouraging as I do.

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fal
lFor Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?

For I’ve been here before
But I know there’s still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You

For what do I have If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter Of my head
Lifter of this head


I have nothing.

Friday, January 20, 2006

He Believes in Me...

I'm sitting comfortably in my little black folding chair in the college lecture theater. This morning's joy: Music Appreciation class. My professor just said something in German, I know I should listen, but my brain doesn't work before 10:00. Too bad this class ends at 9:45 a.m, eh? (Yes, I'm sorry, I did just say eh) A soprano voice is singing out opera now. The guy in front of me is chewing on his pen. The blonde girl across the room has fallen asleep. There is a leak in the ceiling, and a persistent dripping is directly behind my head. Oh the joys of college life.

Youth Encounter, the big Christian conference that my school puts on for teenagers ever year, is exactly one week away. I am freakishly excited. The school is beginning to take shape for the event, and everyone seems to be doing something. I'm part of the team that will be praying with/counseling teens who come forward for the altar call. So we had a training session for that. I'm starting to feel really nervous about it. What if I pray wrong? What if I say the wrong thing? I'm probably just paranoid, but what if I'm bad at this. It's what I love to do, but what if I'm bad at what I love to do. Eeeep, now that is a frightening thought.

Love, or something like it, is blossoming in the lives of my friends. I stayed awake until 2:00 in the morning talking with a friend who had just had a DTR. Translation: Defining The Relationship. What every girl wants and doesn't want. There were a couple of other instances last night of my friends falling in love, but I promised to keep mute about them. I love seeing them so happy, seeing their dreams become a reality. Even though I have spent a large part of my 2 weeks here at school bemoaning the cruelity of certain young men, my silly little girlish heart still was excited to hear of all the happy things happening to my girls. I wish them all the best.

This coming Sunday, my touring drama ministry group, the Prov. Players will be performing in Winnipeg. It will be our first big show. We're performing and touring with Prov's "plugged in" worship band, Aslan's Child. It's going to be really exciting I'm sure.

Finally, it's time for Emily's Cool God Lesson of the Week. Last night, I worked at my Jr. High youth group in Stienbach as I do every week. And we watched a video by Rob Bell. For those of you who don't know, Rob Bell is a rather amazing pastor who producing video sermon type things. My friend Allie described it as "very post-modern". The most striking feature is how conversational Mr. Bell is in these videos. In this video he talked about how we may believe in God, but God also believes in us. He wouldn't have calles us to be Christians if he didn't believe that we could do it. He has faith in me as much, probably more, than I have in him. In so many things in my life, I shrink away from them with the all too familiar words, "I can't do that" But if the God of the Universe believes I can, why am I afraid. He believed that tax collecters, fishermen, and prostitutes had the power to impact the world for Christ. He believed in those that others had turned away. And I know that he believes in me.

May you be covered in the dust of your Rabbi

Saturday, January 14, 2006

...So she bought me a scarf.

I'm once again back at Providence College for a second semester. I can already sense how remarkably different this semester is. Everything seems different. I'm not going to lie, I think this semester will be exteremly hard. Not in terms of academics, in fact, I think my studies will be easier this semester than last. But emotionally and spiritually, this will be a hard semester. The odd part of it is, I don't think any of my outside circumstances have changed, it's something inside of me that is changed. I don't know what's changed, but something has.

I had a really bad week. I feel so frustrated with myself. Mostly, with how I relate to people. I'm a sarcastic person, but I think a couple of my comments have been over the line this week. I'm so angry at myself for saying those things. I fear I may have alienated one of the very few guy friends I have here at school.

I watched a movie with some friends tonight. I felt really socially awkward. There was a guy there whom I deeply repect, and I didn't feel good enough to be his friend. I fear losing his respect.

I also don't pretend to understand guys. All hope to understand them has been vanquished over the years. But why a guy would say things he doesn't mean boggles me. I suppose girls do it too. But insincerity makes me cry. I see words not matching actions. I see promises not being kept. I see secrets not being kept.

My friend Bethany felt bad about my week so she bought me a scarf.